Today might be the best TV night of all-time

No hyperbole. The best night of ALL. TIME. Why are the networks even doing this to themselves...and to me?!

8pm ET - "Survivor" season premiere on CBS. To me this actually doesn't matter all that much, but to a lot of people "Survivor" is a big deal. And I get it. It's one of the OGs of reality TV, and I have respect for that.

9pm ET - "Empire" season premiere on FOX. This show is changing the game, and not just because it's getting me to watch a scripted show. The ratings during season one earlier this year were unheard of for a new show in today's media landscape. Cookie is one of the best developed (and best dressed) female characters in years. White people are appreciating hip-hop! My mom likes it! This show has it all.

9pm ET - "Modern Family" season premiere on ABC. This is what white people should be watching at 9pm, but won't be.

9:30pm ET - "Big Brother" season finale on CBS. I might be most excited for this. Or "Empire". Don't make me decide. My night would be made if Steve or Liz win HOH and do not take Vanessa to the final two. Justice would be served.

10pm ET - "Nashville" season premiere on ABC. It's like the country version of "Empire", and has managed to last four seasons even though it jumped the shark when Scarlett made friends with that homeless guy. So clearly "Nashville" is legit.

10pm ET - "Million Dollar Listing: LA" on Bravo. Well...I'm excited....


Happy Fall TV Season, everyone!

Old Lady thoughts on "Bachelor In Paradise"

Bachelor In Paradise has started its second season of shenanigans, and so far these crazy kids are not disappointing. So as an official "old lady" according to the "I" sisters, this is my Old Lady perspective:

• Let's just start there: The "I" Sisters (virgin Ashley from Chris's season and her slutty tag-along younger sister Lauren). They say some pretty horrible things. As a 30-year-old, I am apparently an old lady, and apparently all old single women are desperate so they just get really drunk and throw themselves at younger men. Or at least this is what I gathered over two different conversations during the two-night premiere. However horrible half of the things that come out of their mouths may be, the other half are along the lines of "make your ponytail more Ariana" which are nuggets that just make my life.
• Speaking of nuggets...always McDonald's nuggets (to settle Ashley I and Jared's deep debate).
• The opening credit sequence is the stuff campy reality TV dreams are made of. If memory serves, the Bachelor franchise really has never had an opening sequence or music at all. So to go from zero to cheesy staged turns toward the camera, popping out of vases, and 70's sitcom font is turning it up a whole bunch of notches and I love it!
• This after show....doing a new show concept live is not an easy thing so I'll withhold full judgment for now. But it needs to be 30 minutes. See examples of after-shows for The Challenge, Party Down South, and pretty much every other reality show that's ever had an after show. And most of those are taped.
• Clare continues to talk to animals, and this season it's a crab in one of her roommates' beds. That's not a euphemism. And seriously, do crabs really walk sideways like that?!

It's now past 10pm on the East Coast so this old lady needs to go to bed.

Bachelor in Paradise airs Sundays AND Mondays at 8pm ET/7pm CT on ABC. Or something like that. It's so many hours of TV to watch....

Bravo continues to provide gems

Bravo had their "upfronts" today, which is a fancy industry term for an announcement of what new TV shows they're planning to brainwash us with.  Here are the shows you'll be addicted to in the coming months, and whether or not I give my stamp of approval.  Click the linkey for actual factual info.


"Silicon Valley" - I did the Googling and yes Randi Zuckerberg is related to Mark, so this show should be legit.  And dramaful.

"Life After Top Chef" - Genius.  As much as I love Blais and Spike though, I really hope they go for the more obscure people as well.  Stephen from TC: DC needs to be back in my life.

"Below Deck" - Lame.  Since they're co-workers they probably won't hook up (as much).  And who wants to watch reality tv about non-rich people?  Ick.

"Huh?" - My thoughts exactly.  Too much technology and no Zuckerbergs.

"SUR" - As much as I love Lisa Van Der Pump, I don't know about this one.  I highly doubt dogs are allowed in the SUR kitchen, and without Giggy I can't fully co-sign this.

"Miss Advised" - A relationship show and a good pun can win me over any day.  Plus I like Emily Morse.

"Newlyweds: The First Year" - Won't work.  There was already THE "Newlyweds" reality show, and adding a subtitle won't hide the fact that this will never measure up to the original.

"Gallery Girls" - No.  First of all, too many characters for us to get to know (7).  Plus no one cares about art.

"LA Shrinks" - Has a chance, but will have to really fight for a spot on my DVR.  This show isn't immediately grabbing my attention, but there is unpredictability in the world of crazies.

"Decades" - This sounds like a soap opera my grandma would have watched in the 80's, but I think it's actually the name of a vintage shop.  So been done before.

"The Kandi Factory" - I'd rather see Kandi Burruss do a show about sex toys than music, but this should still work out okay.  I applaud the Housewives who actually have real skillz to pay the billz.

Unfortunately, several awful Bravo shows have actually been renewed ("Million Dollar Decorators", "Chef Roble & Co", and all time fail "Pregnant in Heels").  And even more unfortunately, "Boys To Manzo" is noticeably absent from the list.

Liveblogging: Bachelor Pad premiere

My computer screen is jacked up which makes it very hard to see what I'm writing, so my apologies if this blog is as incoherent as Kasey's speech patterns. Happy Bachelor Pad premiere everyone!

8:03pm - Rated R standing in front of a graffiti wall with a pulled up hoodie...so is he a white rapper now or something? Also soooo excited for Michelle Money to be here!

8:09pm - "Take a Jake and wipe my Pavelka"?! Wow, I forgot how poetic Kasey can be. That's a quote that needs to be set to music. Shit I hope I'm not giving him any ideas.

8:10pm - Jake for biggest reality whore of the year? I didn't even know networks let you be on two shows at once. (this and Famous Foods)

8:17pm - Who the eff is Erica Rose? Are we sure she isn't actually Devorah Rose from High Society?

8:19pm - Ugh moms should not be going on Bachelor Pad, ELLA! Irresponsible parenting! Sob story or not, good mothers do not go on the smuttiest of reality shows. This rule does not apply to Michelle Money because she's unapologetic about her entertainment value and I loves it!

8:29pm - If Holly was going to kill a muppet to wear as a skirt, couldn't she have at least skinned enough fur off of it to cover her Miss Piggy?

8:35pm - I love how much of a horn dog Blake is being this season! Maybe actually showing some personality will keep him around a bit longer this time.

8:42pm - Rated R jumps on my muppet pun bandwagon. Nice! And agreed, Kasey and Vienna are vom-worthy.

8:45pm - According to Holly, Blake "uses pretty big words which is reallllly attractive." This girl is quickly becoming my favorite person to make fun of. She makes it so easy!

8:47pm - Kirk seems to have gotten uglier which is a shame because I had a pretty big crush on him. At least William is here to bring some hotness! There's a lot of blonde guys on this season which is weird but awesome for eye candy (so my type). Plus blondes have more fun which is better for TV. Obvs.

8:55pm - Jake's cheesy fake-surprised facial expression when meeting Kasey was the best thing I've seen in my life. Proof that reality TV is real because clearly these people can't act.

8:59pm - Jake pulls Kasey aside for a Man Talk to try to clear the Vienna-filled air, and I really wish I could understand what Kasey was saying because I bet it would be pretty dramatic.

9:09pm - Ames and Jackie: first new couple in the house to get a little makey-outey. Good job, Ames! Way to step it up and be a man!

9:11pm - So their first challenge (yah, they do those between having romps in the fantasy suite) is to be suspended in a harness in what's totally a sex position, and hold onto each other for as long as possible.

9:15pm - Holly would rather be drinking, so she lets herself fall. Just had to point that out. Priceless. Mature.

9:24pm - Vienna is so considerate of her boyfriend's health and well being. His leg and back are cramping with intolerable pain, she yells at him because Jake might get immunity. Supportive. Jake wins.

9:28pm - Vienna is a horrible person! But I guess we knew that already. In the hot tub (obviously) she continues to rip him a new one for not winning the challenge and fighting with her on camera. Isn't she actually picking the fight? It seems like their "strategy" coming into the house was to just win every challenge, but how is that a sound strategy? Eventually there would be a challenge about being a decent human being or making responsible decisions with tattoos, and clearly you wouldn't win those.

9:39pm - Rated R is actually (for once) using his lying powers for good after pretending to be in "the main alliance", but secretly being a swing vote. I applaud that, I've watched enough Challenge type shows to know that if you're on the outskirts of the big alliance you will get screwed.

9:43pm - This effing show is going until 11:00 tonight? Didn't plan for this and my computer battery is about to die. Time out. Recharge!

10:54pm - Bachelor Pad may be one of the best shows on TV, but three hours is a bit much even for the most riveting mindless trash. Alliances were formed and broken and secretly formed, and eventually we were left with Rated R and Alli being voted off because they were wishy-washy sneaky bitches. Alli can go as far as I care, but losing Rated R this early is a travesty in the reality world! Like, totes more tragic than the stock market crashing today. Rated R being gone decreases America's level of being entertained and that is not cool.

Liveblogging: The Bachelorette premiere

Ashley H is back with a sexy new hair cut/color and 25 sexy men! Am I jels? Yes. Am I excited for this new season of The Bachelorette? Yes. Is red wine currently in my hand? Hells yes!

Btw, I'm taking a bit of a lax approach to this liveblog because I really want to drink enjoy the premiere. I'll mostly be re-capping during the commercials.

9:09pm - The first segment went to commercial really abruptly, but basically we learned that there's some major potential for douchebaggery this season and Ashley may get her heart broken. So in other words it's going to be a fun season to watch. We also learn that Ashley is so smokin hawt during some b-roll of her teaching a dance class in a mid-rif top!

9:22pm - We just saw the package where we get background information/sob stories about some of the guys. My early favorite by far is William! So hot and just a good mid-western boy. All around mostly hot and fairly nice-seeming except for the lawyer from N'Awlins and Bentley!

9:32pm - Just Ashley and Chris H talkin. But we have confirmation that Bentley is a douche! Never trust anyone named after a car. And just from everything Ashley is saying about her past experience I'm liking her more and more. So much more than Ali!

9:57pm - All the guys have exited the limo. There are so many who are so super cute and sweet! I'm not even going to attempt names at this point (except for William!), but I really like the guy with the camera, pretty much anyone who was from the mid-west (seriously, the Ohio and Michigan guys were killing it!), the winemaker, and the guy who worked with solar thingeys. There were def 3 or 4 guys who I could already peg as going home tonight. And mask guy! Total Phantom of the Opera creeper!

10:10pm - Ooooooh snap it's about to go down between Tim The Drunk and Jeff The Phantom of the Opera!

10:23pm - Tim got drunk, could barely form a sentence during his one on one time with Ashley, and then passed out on a lounge by the pool. Loves Tim! Seriously, as long as he didn't puke on me I would give him a rose. He gets a chance. As long as he doesn't get this drunk on a date again, at least you know he's a good time!

10:52pm - I'm not okay with the following gentlemen being sent home: the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker. Or rather: the butcher, the guy from Michigan with the spikey hair (Rob?), and the tall guy with the cool purple and pink tie (Jon?). In my book, a cool tie is as good of a reason as any to keep a guy in the first round. You can tell a lot more from his tie than his name, career, and hometown. Really now, let's not pretend that we actually know more than that about these guys yet.

Liveblogging: The Real Housewives of NJ premiere

9:00pm - Will The Real Housewives of New Jersey be as good sans-Danielle? Probs not, but we're about to find out...
9:02pm - We meet Melissa, Theresa's sister-in-law who is possibly more of a guidette than Theresa. Aaaand drama already...
9:04pm - Wow, seems like all these women ever do is go to Christenings and fight...
9:06pm - Theresa is admitting to being broke...kinda. Joe's fulltime profession is now the pizzeria. Priceless.
9:09pm - Albie and Chris are getting their own (surprisingly normal sized) apartment. That is one bachelor pad I def wouldn't mind visiting ;)
9:11pm - Did Jacqueline get a nosejob? Something looks different...just sayin
9:13pm - Ugh okay Lizzie Grubman would NOT be comforting a crying intern (Ashley) if the cameras weren't around!! #unrealistic
9:19pm - So Ashley is crying about...her own lateness to her internship? And her parents not paying for an apartment? Wahhh...
9:22pm - Theresa and her brother are fighting because he didn't come to her book signing and she doesn't like his wife. Cue introduction package...
9:24pm - New Real Housewife Melissa says she's expected to be a "cook in the kitchen, lady in the parlor, and whore in the bedroom". Classy.
9:29pm - Kathy is the other new Housewife - Theresa's cousin. And she's friends with Melissa. Cue quotes about the importance of "blood family".
9:30pm - Melissa has amazing fashion sense...pink latex and white feathers. So on trend...
9:32pm - Between Kathy and Melissa does anyone on this show not see it as their mission to constantly cook for their family?
9:35pm - I don't get the Manzos' "Cajun Voice". I miss The Ham Game...
9:45pm - And now Melissa had the nerve to steal Theresa's hairdresser?! That's like taking Ramona's pinot grigio.
9:48pm - Ugh not only is Joe walking around shirtless but now Theresa is talking about them having the runs. Vom.
9:50pm - Can someone please change their name to something other than Joe or Guissepe? I'm so lost...
9:52pm - Not going to the church for a Christening is apparently a major snub. Seriously, Theresa, that's pretty bad. Religion etiquette on #RHONJ
9:57pm - Audriana is rocking a Royal Wedding quality hat at the Christening. Fierce lil lady!
10:06pm - Chris Manzo is quitting the Brownstone?!? #EndOfAnEra
10:10pm - I don't like Melissa...but Theresa isn't exactly in the right so far tonight either.
10:14pm - Fist fight at a Christening! Amazing! I was worried about #RHONJ without Danielle but this is good.
10:18pm - Okay I like Kathy!! Good head on her shoulders looking out for the kids!
10:21pm - I've seriously lost track of what's going on. The Joes have been fighting for like a full 5 mins and death threats have been made. Scary.
10:25pm - To add to the confusion, now we're all screaming in Italian and repeatedly saying "You're my father!" Awkward to even watch at this point.
10:28pm - Wait that's it for tonight? Just previews for the season that include Melissa in some latex BritBrit getup. Loves it!
10:30pm - Loved live blogging this premiere! Now watching the replay to fully comprehend what just happened...and hopefully figure out all the Joes.

Not the red leather pants again...

Joining the race for the Best Song by a Reality Star Grammy Award (no, there isn't actually such a thing...settle down, Kathy Griffin) is Simon Van Kempen from The Real Housewives of New York. All songs by reality stars are pretty special, but there are several things that make Simon's "I Am Real" particularly amazing:

The use of great vocab words like "duality" and "preen".

Mentioning "Twitter" in songs always equals musical credibility...

..as does stealing your wife's bad catch phrases ("thug in a cocktail dress").

Simon looks like a scary German WWE wrestler in the picture.

The lyrics flash on the screen during the video! Just like Sesame Street! Actually, we really do need the written lyrics to decipher the combination of Simon's bad singing and annoyingly pretentious accent.

Lastly, "I Am Real" has one of the most poignant concepts for a celebrity - especially a reality star - to sing about: self-importance! Loves it!

American Idol makes me feel old

As they sung songs from the year they were born, we learned that no American Idol contestant was born before 1984. Thus, I am as old or way older than every contestant. Thus, I am getting pretty damn old. So I voted for the girl who is exactly 10 years younger than me, almost to the day. She's pretty awesome.
One cool thing that American Idol is doing this year is utilizing online voting. Why they didn't use this fairly basic technology earlier idk (too easy?), but they have upped the game and the stalker factor by requiring you to be a Facebook member to vote. And then why not give you the option to automatically send a post to your wall telling all your friends who you voted for? You even get a cool little widget which tells all your 2,000 friends how they too can vote for an increasingly irrelevant talent competition and simultaneously overshare about it! Creepy, but smart promotion.

Actually, American Idol has drastically improved on their talent pool this year. I've begun to truly enjoy following it again. Just don't get me started on the judges...

Liveblogging: The Bachelor finale!

Team Chantal! Well, actually I don't like either of the final two ladies all that much, but I'm def not Team Emily. Really I'm Team Michelle to become The Bachelorette! Here we go...

8:01pm - Boring recap package... Time to load up on snacks and drinks!

8:05pm - In case you somehow missed it, we're in South Africa. Brad's family has flown out to help him pick a lady, and it is so touching how emotional Brad gets when he sees them. He's such a good ole' boy!

8:07pm - After a very long and dramatic pause, Brad reveals that he is 100% considering proposing to someone at the end of this whole process. Well...yah, I think we already knew that didn't we?

8:10pm - Doorbell rings and Chantal arrives. And wait, one of the brothers is Brad's twin?!? They so don't look it. And the other one is younger?!? They're both married though, chillax ladies.

8:14pm - Okay, maybe they do look more alike than I realized. Brad's hotter though. But really, Brad's Mom, you named your sons Brad and Chad?

8:17pm - Chantal is definitely hitting it off with Brad's family, but I guess it's pretty easy to do so when you keep talking about how amazing he is and how much you want to marry him. And she's definitely ready for marriage...just ask her.

8:23pm - Ugh after not hearing it for two weeks I almost forgot how annoying Emily's baby voice was. "Hiiiii..." Her turn to meet the fam.

8:27pm - So Emily tells her sob story, obvi. And hearing the way she tells this story I'm still just not convinced that she's emotionally over her ex and ready to fully give herself to someone else.

8:32pm - Brad's family seems to be totally captivated by Emily and her sob story difficult past. I'm getting worried that she's going to get the sympathy win which pisses me off because I've never seen her and Brad connect on anything other than her situation and her daughter. Who is EMILY, and aside from being the Southern Ken and Barbie how do her and Brad connect as people? Hmmm?

8:39pm - The editing in the conversation between Brad and his mother made it so hard to know who they were talking about at any given moment. She likes Emily better but feels more comfortable around Chantal? Whattt? But the fam is def Team Emily.

8:46pm - For their date, Brad and Chantal are going swimming with sharks. Totes safe. Why do so many dates on this show have to involve the girl being scared and crying?

8:57pm - Chantal presents Brad a present of...a handmade map with all the places they've been labeled? Wow, I didn't realize 5th grade social studies projects were good gifts for the guy by whom you want to be proposed to.

9:05pm - Emily's final date involves a helicopter ride and amazing views. How original for this show!

9:14pm - Why is Emily giving Brad such a hard time about being ready to be a father? Brad is freakin 37 years old and shows every quality of being a great dad. Give a brotha a break.

9:25pm - Brad stares out the window iof his suite in South Africa and contemplates the two women. He's so conflicted! Gosh this is so hard!

9:28pm - Brad knows what woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with! Now it's time to pick out an outrageously expensive but comped engagement ring. And he picks a good one.

9:32pm - The girls are writing in journals and staring longingly into space while touching voiceovers play. Now they're dressing for the big night. Kinda symbolic that Chantal is wearing a vixen-esque black dress with feathers and Emily is wearing angelic white? Pathetic that I'm thinking about symbolism within The Bachelor?

9:40pm - Chantal is up first to talk to Brad, which based on Brad saying he had to do something very difficult probably means she's getting dumped.

9:42pm - "I have stronger feelings for someone else...." Annnnnd cue tears.

9:46pm - The hangy ribbon thing is totally sticking out of Chantal's dress on her left side. AND she just got dumped. All on national television. Poor gal, I was really gunning for her.

9:57pm - Brad is so cute stammering through his proposal speech. Such a great guy. Totes jels.

9:59pm - So many "I love yous" being exchanged. So many kisses. Such a happy ending for the Southern Barbie and Ken. A little too perfect and predictable of story arch for the season that it ended this way, but I can't deny that this is a touching moment. They're so damn happy it's sickening.

10:01pm - But now who's going to be the next Bachelorette? I was actually pretty sure it was going to be Emily (though that would have been such a boring season). We shall find out TONIGHT on Jimmy Kimmel. I'm so stating up late for this. It's like a little kid waiting up for Santa.

Wrong?

I'm pretty sure this goes against all laws of nature, but since all dogs are boys and all cats are girls I suppose it works on some level. On New Year's Eve, Giggy and Grandma Wrinkles got married. This video should be really cute but is actually pretty disturbing.

Gig, really?!? You can do so much better. Grandma Wrinkles is like the cat equivalent of Ma on Ma's Roadhouse, and Giggy is one hot piece and a certified "sex monster". Don't date down.


If you don't know who Giggy and Grandma Wrinkles are (and if not, seriously, why are you reading this blog?), Giggy is Lisa's balding-but-cute dog from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Grandma is Dina's ugly hairless cat from The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Giggy was also the winner of Best Reality Pet at Cosmo Radio's 2010 Reality Re-Cap Awards because uh HELLOOOO he's amazing.

Grenade whistlllle!

Jersey Shore new season January 6th, bitch! Is it just me or did this kinda sneak up on us? Trailer's here!

Jersey Shore - MTV Shows

Not impressed

Lake Shore is supposed to be the Canadian Jersey Shore or something like that, except way lamer. When I heard the title Lake Shore I thought the show would be aboot a bunch of lumberjacks partying in a pimped out log cabin on the Great Lakes. That's what they do in Canada, right? Well no, it's actually all boring cliche Euro trash kids with one Asian chick thrown in. No one even has a proper Canadian accent. Sadness.



And what ever happened to K-Town?!?

Dear "The Real World"...

Dear The Real World,

Oh how I used to love thee so. Oh how my primary goal in life was once being a cast member on the show. However, I write today to express my disgust in your lack of creativity and to inform you that there are still fun cities out there that you have not yet filmed in.

The 25th season of The Real World is currently being filmed in Las Vegas, making this the third repeat city for the show. Possibly more if you call their BS on "Los Angeles" and "Hollywood" being two different cities. While Vegas is probably my favorite city in the world and will make for great television shenannies, I must point out that this is also technically the third season you have done in Sin City (season 12, and Reunited: The Real World Las Vegas which was 6 episodes so totally counts as a season). That is pathetic.

Have you never heard of such places as Atlanta? St. Louis? Montreal? Phoenix? Even Pittsburgh for cryin out loud? Seriously, Real World producers, get creative. Maybe I am freakin old compared to most of your viewers, but I'm still watching and I can remember far back enough to know that you are running out of ideas and spoon-feeding me the same crap! Granted I'm willingly eating your crap...but I would like some different crap please.

Sick of eating crap,
Megan

P.S. - The cast of the new Real World: Las Vegas includes an actual gay porn star, so this season may be more entertaining than the amateur porn the show usually gives us.

Top Chef All-Stars is going to be sweet

Bravo, thank you! You really know how to pick an all-star cast. Season 8 of Top Chef is going to include 18 previous contestants returning for a full season of competition. The cast was announced last night, and I must say there's not one person who I would have wanted to watch not make the list. Maybe Stephen from TC7, but even I know better than to put him on an all-star list. Bravo found the perfect balance between the hot messes with over the top personalities and the people who were truly the best chefs who just missed winning the title. Smart move to bring Tre back, he truly was a kick ass chef who was sent home far too early (8th place). I'm really hoping that Marcel will bust out some new jams like "They say my food lacks salt and pepper, but I'm like yo man, whatever" as well as generally antagonize people. Casey and Jennifer are easily two of the hottest women ever to compete on TC and can still absolutely cook, and male eye candy will be provided in the form of Spike (or Fabio I guess, if you're into suave Italian men with accents).

I think 18 contestants may be a bit too many, but since we already know the names and the personalities it should still be manageable to follow in the early episodes. Plus the large number of contestants likely means exciting double eliminations or being eliminated on Quick Fires to speed up the process. Top Chef All-Stars is being taped in New York City, so I'm just hoping for the chance to stalk them possibly have a totally random TC sighting.

"I Love Money" is back...WTF?!?

After the dramz that happened with alleged I Love Money 3 winner Ryan The Murderer, VH1 pulled the franchise for what we all thought was going to be forever. Thankfully, this turned out not to be the case...although the network is not very proud of it.

I Love Money 4 quietly premiered on Thursday, September 16th on VH1 at 11pm Eastern. No quality show ever has a run time that late at night. I knew nothing about this and sadly missed the premiere. No promos ran, and VH1 does not even have a page for the show on their website, making I Love Money the shameful bastard child of the network. The show was taped over a year ago around the same time as the never-to-be-seen IL$3, but has been re-edited to focus more on the competition than the relationships between cast mates (soooo...no sex? how?). An official message on the VH1 message board states that the show has been revised slightly "to fit better with our current programming". So I guess this all means that VH1 realised how much of a hot mess they were and decided that they needed to stop putting crazies and murderers on their reality shows. But we loved VH1 as a hot mess!

Sadly it looks like this show is going to fail, but I think VH1 wants it that way. The random timeslot of the show and minimal replays mean that barely anyone will end up seeing it. Episodes are also not posted on the internet like with other VH1 shows, which means in today's net-obsessed world they'll lose a large viewership. Focusing on the game and not personal stories will also probably make the show boring, so those who do find a chance to watch will be less likely to become repeat viewers.

I understand the decision to pull Megan Wants a Millionaire mid-season and not air IL$3 (although it tore two pieces out of my little heart!), but why mess with IL$4 when its cast doesn't include any current felons? Newsflash, no one wants to watch Fantasia for Real! We want trashy Z-listers rolling around in mud and hooking up with multiple people! I Love Money 4 includes several tools from Daisy of Love, some walking STDs from Rock of Love Bus, and some of the more "wholesome" cast members of Megan Wants a Millionaire. The trailer looks decent, but I suspect that a lot of great programming was probably left on the cutting room floor in light of this situation.

Fashion Week Day 5: Indashio

On Monday I attended what loosely resembled a fashion show for Indashio's Spring/Summer 2011 collection at Style 360. This event was formatted as a fashion show but felt more like a rave/Anime cartoon/hip hop tranny convention. Indashio is a young fashion designer who was the winner of VH1's Glam God, one reality show that I surprisingly did not watch. His style is out there to say the least, and attracted an audience to match. The collection was filled with bright neon colors, graffiti-like prints, metallics, sequins, feathers, and every other flamboyant detail you can imagine. I liked the sequin dresses and the purple bikini, but high fashion or sophisticated this collection was not. The night was quite the extravaganza though. Sitting front row were Paul Johnson Calderon of High Society (one of my favorite people in the world!) and Janice Combs (Diddy's mom). Amber Rose walked the runway to open and close the show, and other notable models included almost every contestant from America's Next Top Model (winners Jaslene and Caridee, and I'm pretty sure Amanda from cycle 3). Plus shirtless and pantsless men! I definitely saw some major bulge. Although honestly it was hard to tell whether some models were men or women. If the model wearing the gold lame' bikini was a women, apparently Indashio made leg shaving optional because homegirl (boy?) was pulling a Mo'Nique. The Indashio show certainly had its fair share of tranny ferocia and was not apologizingggg for it...but overall was bordering more on hot mess.

Live Blogging: Bachelor Pad

This post is brought to you by the modern day Shakespeare...only better and cuter. Thanks to Gia for the insight, she will be missed.

8:02pm - Wow, Shakespeare is already using sophisticated phrases of poetry like "blowing smoke up each other's asses". Great use of figurative language!

8:06pm - The kids receive a package with anonymous surveys that they must feel out about each other with amazing questions like "who is the dumbest". Just when I think the challenges cannot get any better THIS happens. I can't wait for the tears to start in 5, 4...

8:09pm - I got strangely excited during the promo for the announcement of the Dancing with the Stars cast. This makes me question my own standards.

8:12pm - Now they all have to guess the results of the survey and get points for correct guesses. Genius.

8:14pm - Elizabeth won "most shallow", but doesn't consider herself shallow OR know what it means.

8:16pm - And Natalie picked herself for "dumbest" which actually shows she's kinda smart, yet STILL gets is wrong. Gwen was voted the dumbest, really? Tenley gets a winning point by correctly guessing this but cannot live with winning the game for calling someone dumb. Can't we just agree all these ladies are equally the dumbest and call it a day?

8:23pm - Omg the crying needs to stop. According to the poll, Natalie will never get married which upsets her greatly (I thought she'd welcome the lifetime of random sex), Wes is a jerk AND can't do simple logic or math, and the girls have a collective secret crush on Dave?!? Ew.

8:26pm - Elizabeth was voted "worst boob job" which was the last question to determine the winners of Tenley and Jesse B. The winners get to have one on one dates this time around which means more sex, and Elizabeth thinks she and Kovacs are on the chopping block and starts what is sure to be an epic make-up-less ugly-cry confessional. Stay tuned for the waterworks, bitches!

8:32pm - Natalie is breaking down obvi, but actually having an intelligent breakthrough about the way she's perceived. You know what, maybe Natalie is really not all that dumb! Elizabeth though is completely shattered that she has a bad boob job. Is this news to her? Does the house not have mirrors?

8:43pm - Ugh I am not going to be able to stomach watching this date b/w Tenley and Kiptyn. T's voice, laugh, and general personality are beyond annoying. Brief pause for food and then promptly losing it...

8:53pm - Jesse B picks Peyton for his one on one date. Which is very chivalrous considering they've already shacked up in the fantasy suite...and everything that goes along with it. I'm happy for them, possibly because Jesse B is by far the hottest guy in the house and my roommates said that of all the girls in the house that I'm most like Peyton. Let me live vicariously through this...

8:55pm - Meanwhile kittens are singing and bunnies are smiling on Tenley and Kiptyn's date.

8:59pm - Omg they're actually going to the fantasy suite...and the doors are closing! I seriously thought Tenley would reject the offer and have a nervous breakdown over the implications. Slut.

9:04pm - I actually really like Tenley's dress (the black strapless with the gold waist). And it totally pains me to say that.

9:11pm - Peyton and Jesse B are totally a perfect redneck couple who will go to state fairs, ear corn dogs, and bet on the pig races. Loves it! Also loves that she's now getting him drunk on martinis, which he's never had before. Get it gurl!

9:17pm - Only now the redneck has gone to a bad level of burping and pouring vodka in champagne. Dude, be classy and respect the champagne. Peyton is not feeling it. Maybe no sexin tonight?

9:20pm - NO SEXIN! Peyton denied the fantasy suite. No sex on Bachelor Pad is a first, this feels weird.

9:40pm - The past 20 minutes have been filled with boring strategy talk and DWTS announcements, but there's finally something relevant to report because voting has begun and Gwen has horrible extensions in.

9:46pm - Kiptyn is being a pussy. He can't vote Gwen off because she hasn't done anything to him and he'd feel bad. Does homeboy know this is a GAME? Does he have balls? Tenley, confirm or deny?

9:56pm - Rose ceremony. Krisily and Wes are going home, and Krisily is going off! Well said lady, people in this house are shady, have no balls, and the couples are annoying as hell. I'm going to miss Shakespeare dearly as well.

Celeb sightings: Reality star edition

Spotted: Project Runway season 4 alum Kevin Christiana at the Barrow Street Ale House in the West Village last Thursday. He still looks exactly the same as he did on ProRun back in 2007 is easily recognizable with his signature facial hair. None the less, my gentlemen companion asked how the hell I recognized him, and sadly I had to admit it's because I watch way too much television.

Spotted: Current Top Chef contestant Ed Cotton at the bar of the Smyth Hotel in Tribeca, where he is the executive chef of their Plein Sud restaurant. Friday night I was pre-gaming with some friends who were hotel guests, and in walks a familiar looking man in a chef coat. After having a total omg moment, we went over and talked to him for about 20 minutes. He could not have been cooler! He's still with the girl he was dating during the show, and he has been with Plein Sud since they opened almost 6 months ago (with a slight break to do a lil TV show on Bravo, you may have heard of it...) Apparently there's still no proof about what happened during Pea-Puree-Gate 2010, although to me the case seems pretty obvious and totally rules in Ed's favor. As of press time Ed is one of the final 6 contestants on the show, and I think he has a great shot at the title. Team Ed!

Live Blogging: Bachelor Pad

Usually I enjoy a fine glass of 3 Buck Chuck Cab Sav while writing these live blogs, but judging from the previews Bachelor Pad doesn't warrant that kind of class. So Bud Light it is. So excited for this debacle!

8:02pm - Season preview time! Omg if Wes and Gia get together hell will probably freeze over. Homeboy deserves zero happiness.

8:04pm - Wes on crazy Michelle: "If you hook up with her you probably have to worry about her chopping your thang off in the middle of the night." Okay, that quote totally made me like him again...almost.

8:07pm - Omg if Tenley giggles one more time... Yay for Jesse B lookin totally bangable! Back off Natalie.

8:08pm - It's hilarious that Gwen from season 2's age is "??". Actually she looks great. Maybe...37?

8:10pm - So apparently Nikki and Juan dated or banged or something like that. Why is that awkward? Haven't they all banged each other already? If not they will by the end of episode 2.

8:15pm - Elizabeth as a blonde = thumbs down. Not everyone can be blonde and fabulous biotch!

8:20pm - Craig M is totally channeling R-Pats with his hair. Plus I can see his nips through his shirt. And obvi The Weatherman is not haps.

8:27pm - So Chris Harrison tears the kids away from their mimosas for a second to explain the rules. There will be challenges, and the winner gets a rose. They can give that rose to someone and ask them out on a date. Then each week the guys must vote off a girl and the girls must vote off a guy. Or something like that. Oh yah, and Melissa Rycroft is here.

8:28pm - They're all staying in the same room in bunkbeds. That's pretty awesome.

8:30pm - The girls get together and decide they want to get rid of Craig M first. I fully support that decision, but somehow feel it's not going to be quite that easy...

8:35pm - Ohhhhh the winner of the challenge gets to go on 3 dates! Wrap it up kids. The first challenge is Twister...creative.

8:37pm - Omg Tenley mixed up her left and right feet and was eliminated from Twister. Priceless.

8:39pm - Apparently no one knows their left from their right. Pathetic.

8:40pm - Jessie (girl) also doesn't know her left from her right and Craig M wins. Are we sure they're not fixing this shit?

8:42pm - Ugh okay it's not 3 dates it's 1 date with 3 people. And then Craig gives one girl a rose at the end of the date and makes her safe from elimination. My brain is starting to hurt from the rules of this show and that's not right. Craig and Jessie made a pact they they'd choose each other no matter who won so she's in. Now it looks like the rest of the girls are gonna slut it up to get chosen for the date even though Craig is slimy.

8:51pm - Sex noisesssssss!

8:56pm - Back from the commercial, and the investigation begins: who hooked up last night? Everyone seems to think it's Michelle and Craig, but Michelle is on the deny campaign.

8:58pm - Craig's choices for his date are Jessie, Gwen (nice move inviting the old hot chick, Craig), and Elizabeth (so Craig can win her over since she's leading the anti-Craig campaign).

9:02pm - Craig and the ladies are on a beach date...but nothing interesting is happening other than Elizabeth being a manipulative lil slut.

9:08pm - Natalie is like totally obsessed with Jesse B. That's disappointing. Sadly I think he's actually genuinely reciprocating and not just using her for booty or votes.

9:11pm - So Melissa Rycroft appears and says Craig needs to give out his rose now, and then that girl is the only one who continues on the date where they get a private concert...a totally new date concept for The Bachelor. He chooses Jessie, and Elizabeth and Gwen get in the limo to go back to the house. The concert is by someone no one's ever heard of, who turns out to be the former lead singer of The Calling. Meanwhile in the limo, Elizabeth is team pissed about not getting the rose from a guy she doesn't even like. Great person.

9:20pm - Jesse K and Elizabeth kinda had a thing before this, but he's totally "dumping" her ass because apparently it's not smart to be attached to anyone in this game. Aka, he wants to be able to hook up with other chicks.

9:22pm - Elizabeth is totally bawling. This is awesome.

9:25pm - Michelle is still (rightfully?) mad that Tenley told people she bumped uglies with Craig, so she goes into the bathroom to talk to Tenley about it. This actually seems to me like the mature thing to do, but Tenley is sooooo scared because Michelle "locked her in the bathroom" and made her cry, a lot. Does being on Team Michelle in this situation make me a crazy person by association?

9:33pm - Krisily (?) wants to vote out the strong, "smart" guys like Jesse K and Dave. Natalie tells Dave this because they're "good friends" (she totes wants her Jesse B cake and wants to eat Dave too), and thus possibly turns the guys against Krisily. Meanwhile Elizabeth is totally in love with Jesse K and trying to talk him into some plan that involved them not talking to trick everyone into keeping them in the house.

9:42pm - Every person must individually cast a vote to kick off a member of the opposite sex. I strongly prefer this to them having to come to a team consensus. But Elizabeth is totally trying to rally the girls against the love of her life Jesse K now. Wtf?

9:45pm - Craig M just straight up lied to Michelle and told her he didn't vote for her. He totally did.

9:57pm - Juan and Michelle are auffed. A little crazy and a lot of drama just exited, and that's a shame this early in the game. Team Michelle!

The kids are back

Oh no...

Those were my exact words when I found out that the Babelgum kids (famous for their Jersey Shore re-make among others) had re-made The Real Housweives of New Jersey. Nothing good can come of this...except for everything good. Like is that seriously a boy playing Caroline? Good casting?



http://wwwbabelgum.com/5007094/kids-reenact-real-housewives-nj.html