What's next, an effin scrunchie?

So I've decided that stirrup pants are back. Yep, you heard me right. I rocked a modern version to work yesterday and got a phenomenal response. But they must be done right or...catastrophe.

Wear stirrup tights, not actual pants. They should be very thick tights, almost leggings. Make sure the stirrup part is thicker than the 80's version. It should actually cover the top of your foot, and just barely have the heel cut out in the back. Make sure the hole is reinforced unlike those homemade hand-stirrup hoodies that people inexplicably wore a few years ago, Avril Lavigne. Express has a great pair right now for $16.50 as shown in Exhibit A. Idk how I feel about the colored ones yet, but I'm having a fashion love affair with the black.

On your feets, rock some basic pumps (nothing too flashy or with too many other straps). Though you won't get the stirrup effect, you can also wear these with boots to rock the tight pants tucked into boots look - with no risk of bunchage! On top, wear your super awesome modern stirrup pants with a loose shift dress or long sweater. I guess some things are still the same from the 80's after all. Follow these rules and rock the stirrup with pride girlfriend!

"Gossip Girl" death pool = $$$

Bart Bass died last night on "Gossip Girl", which means I win $10 bitches! Yes, my roommates and I had a pool going after we learned about a month ago that a character would be dying on GG. I see no shame in incorporating gambling into every aspect of my life. $5 buy in for the pool, and our predictions laid out as follows:

Me: Bart Bass (Obvi. Bart Bass has no soul, so killing him off isn't at all morally wrong. Plus, no viewers would be sad to see him go, and now Lily can go back to humping Rufus guilt-free)

A.G.: Eric Van Der Woodsen (Sorry A, not every major "Gossip Girl" spoiler can revolve around Lil E)

M.C.: Aaron (And anyone would notice and/or care because...? So not gonna happen)


Too bad gambling on TV shows isn't actually legal. I'd be rich, biotch!

Let him entertain me

Am I really weird for saying that I have crush on The Entertainer, originally of "I Love New York 2" fame? Sure he lives in his parent's basement, but hello it's a finished basement. And he's pretty damn sexy. I'd def hit it.

The Entertainer along with 18 other reality-has-beens/amazing people will be staring in "I Love Money 2", premiering January 26, 2009 on VH1. Though I must admit that so far this season's cast isn't shaping up to be as good as season 1's, I'm still very much looking forward to this hot trainwreck mess.

Effin Pete Wentz

So Pete Wentz decided to take a break from dirty diaper duty last week and actually make an episode of FNMTV. It was a holiday special and his producers really worked hard to book such diverse guests as Miley Cyrus, Trace Cyrus and his band Metro Station, and Fall Out Boy. Not to mention they were actually able to book Pete's BFF, Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes. Way to hit the pavement and really get the hard-hitting interviews, folks!

I'm really so glad Pete Wentz takes the time out of his day to do FNMTV once every two or three months.

Blast From The Past: American Pie

This movie sooo made me smile to start my week when I watched it on Sunday. (And YES I did more with my weekend than watch teen movies...kinda)

American Pie!

I personally believe that "American Pie" is so much more than your perverted typical guy comedy or cheesy teen movie. Sure, they spend a good portion of the movie talking about getting laid, seeing boobs, and the finer points of masturbation, but I've always thought this series of movies has something that most of its kind lack: heart. Underneath the surface, this movie is really about friendship. The four main characters make a pact to get laid by the time they graduate, but what the pact really symbolizes is working together, and helping each other to achieve a common goal. These guys put bromance on the map when Brody Jenner was still in braces. Forget about masturbating with pies and flutes, "American Pie" is actually about true friendship and young love.

Btw, fun game: If you had to bang one of the American Pie guys, who would it be? I'd so be all about Kevin. No, scratch that, I'd want to date Kevin, but he actually looked like he was pretty bad in bed. I'll go with Finch. I bet he gives good Tongue Tornado.

Yes! Another Teen Movie!

Just spent a glorious afternoon hungover on the couch watching "John Tucker Must Die" on basic cable. Observations:

• Some things never change. Just as with Rachel Lee Cook in "She's All That" circa 1997, it's pretty hard as a viewer to pretend that Brittany Snow "isn't hot" before her makeover. Girlfriend still looks pretty damn good. I suppose (slightly) frizzy hair is supposed to distract from perfect skin and sparkling eyes. Damn her.
• Despite Jesse Metcalf's perfect pecs, the real star of this movie is Penn Badgley! Who knew? Penn, now of "Gossip Girl" fame, really stretches his acting ability by playing...Dan Humphrey with long hair.

The teenybopper in me is so glad these kind of movies are still being made.

Loves it!

Britney Spears's leaked music video for her new single Circus.

Leave it to BritBrit to spray herself with her own perfume, Curious, at the beginning of the video (the pretty blue bottle). I suppose if you're going to stoop to product placement, why not do it with your own products? And I must admit, 5 years or so ago I bought Curious and still have the empty bottle sitting around somewhere because I loved it that much.

This is great though y'all, Britney really is making a comeback this time unlike last year's shiteous try. Keep it comin, Brit!

Pretending to be classy for a night

Brandy Library
Tribeca
25 N Moore Street (at Varick Street)
New York, NY 10013
212-226-5545
www.brandylibrary.com

Don your smoking jacket and throw your pinkies in the air, because it's time to hit up the Brandy Library. This posh lounge truly feels like you've stepped into your rich uncle's den filled with rich mahogany, many leather bound books with big words and of course, brandy! Even if you're not a connoisseur of the beverage, the knowledgeable staff of Brandy Library will be glad to walk you through their extensive menu and school you on anything and everything brandy. Be on your best behavior, the same 12-inch-voice rule that kindergarten teachers across America use also seems to be in effect at the BL. Now sit back and relax with one of their seemingly hundreds of specialty cocktails (brandy or otherwise) which are served in the cutest miniature martini glasses ever! (oops, I just squealed above my 12-inch-voice) For such a highfalutin establishment, Brandy Library's prices are extremely reasonable, but I would recommend a reservation...and maybe a fake ID. Allegedly Brandy Library has a 25 and over age policy, that is unless you bat your pretty little eyelashes and flip your perfect blonde mane (not that I would ever do that).
Rating: 3.5 stars


However, I clearly can't stay on good behavior for very long, so next it's across the street to...

Walker's
Tribeca
16 N Moore Street (at Varick Street)
New York, NY 10013
212-941-0142

Walker's is the epitome of your comfortable local (non-dive) bar. A food menu of American classics and a great (and cheap!) selection of beers and wines makes me immediately take a liking to this Tribeca corner bar. The place is full of locals and regulars, but even as a first timer you'll feel right at home thanks to the friendly bartenders and patrons more than willing to give up their bar stool to a purtty little lady. Try the seasonal brew, currently infused with blueberry flavor, to give your liver and your soul that warm fuzzy feeling on a cold winter's night. The kitchen stays open late at Walker's, making this the perfect place to take care of those drunk munchies in style.
Rating: 3.5 stars

Lily Van Der Woodsen is preggers!

Well, by "Lily Van Der Woodsen" I really mean Kelly Rutherford, the actress. But by "preggers" I really do mean preggers!

How are the "Gossip Girl" writers going to handle this one? It would be simply tragic if Lily gets preggers with Bart Bass's baby. For one, that child would just pop out evil and giving someone the "I'm watching you" stink eye. Plus Lily and Bart don't do it. They just don't. Bart Bass is way too busy to make sexy time...unless maybe he hired someone to take care of business for him and keep Lily's needs satisfied. Plus, looks like Bart is about to bite the big one. GG is a family show...kinda. Well it's a family network anyway. And family networks just don't bring babies into this world without father figures.

Or maybe...it's going to be Rufus's baby! Lily has to be sleeping with someone while Bart is always away on business. It's what high society wives do. Yah, I def want it to be Rufus's baby. Rufus really needs to be getting some, and then it will be even more awkward and fun when Dan and Serena inevitably start sleeping together again.

OR MAYBE...Lily has been secretly been sleeping with Chuck! Too gross for the CW? Me thinks not!

Or maybe...the writers are just going to ignore this and we're all expected to pretend like we aren't charting the weekly growth on Kelly Rutherford's baby bump. Yah, this is what will more than likely happen. Damn you, CW.

Worst fortune cookie EVER

A carrot a day, keeps cancer away...

Wtf? Thanks for that sage advice and the optimism, King Wok!