No hyperbole. The best night of ALL. TIME. Why are the networks even doing this to themselves...and to me?!
8pm ET - "Survivor" season premiere on CBS. To me this actually doesn't matter all that much, but to a lot of people "Survivor" is a big deal. And I get it. It's one of the OGs of reality TV, and I have respect for that.
9pm ET - "Empire" season premiere on FOX. This show is changing the game, and not just because it's getting me to watch a scripted show. The ratings during season one earlier this year were unheard of for a new show in today's media landscape. Cookie is one of the best developed (and best dressed) female characters in years. White people are appreciating hip-hop! My mom likes it! This show has it all.
9pm ET - "Modern Family" season premiere on ABC. This is what white people should be watching at 9pm, but won't be.
9:30pm ET - "Big Brother" season finale on CBS. I might be most excited for this. Or "Empire". Don't make me decide. My night would be made if Steve or Liz win HOH and do not take Vanessa to the final two. Justice would be served.
10pm ET - "Nashville" season premiere on ABC. It's like the country version of "Empire", and has managed to last four seasons even though it jumped the shark when Scarlett made friends with that homeless guy. So clearly "Nashville" is legit.
10pm ET - "Million Dollar Listing: LA" on Bravo. Well...I'm excited....
Happy Fall TV Season, everyone!
8.03.2015
Old Lady thoughts on "Bachelor In Paradise"
Bachelor In Paradise has started its second season of shenanigans, and so far these crazy kids are not disappointing. So as an official "old lady" according to the "I" sisters, this is my Old Lady perspective:
- Let's just start there: The "I" Sisters (virgin Ashley from Chris's season and her slutty tag-along younger sister Lauren). They say some pretty horrible things. As a 30-year-old, I am apparently an old lady, and apparently all old single women are desperate so they just get really drunk and throw themselves at younger men. Or at least this is what I gathered over two different conversations during the two-night premiere. However horrible half of the things that come out of their mouths may be, the other half are along the lines of "make your ponytail more Ariana" which are nuggets that just make my life.
- Speaking of nuggets...always McDonald's nuggets (to settle Ashley I and Jared's deep debate).
- The opening credit sequence is the stuff campy reality TV dreams are made of. If memory serves, the Bachelor franchise really has never had an opening sequence or music at all. So to go from zero to cheesy staged turns toward the camera, popping out of vases, and 70's sitcom font is turning it up a whole bunch of notches and I love it!
- This after show....doing a new show concept live is not an easy thing so I'll withhold full judgment for now. But it needs to be 30 minutes. See examples of after-shows for The Challenge, Party Down South, and pretty much every other reality show that's ever had an after show. And most of those are taped.
- Clare continues to talk to animals, and this season it's a crab in one of her roommates' beds. That's not a euphemism. And seriously, do crabs really walk sideways like that?!
It's now past 10pm on the East Coast so this old lady needs to go to bed.
Bachelor in Paradise airs Sundays AND Mondays at 8pm ET/7pm CT on ABC. Or something like that. It's so many hours of TV to watch....
4.09.2015
All you need is a smart-phone and a dream: Broadway Online Ticket Lotteries
Rent started the "rush" ticket trend back in the 90's. Shakespeare In The Park productions have had a popular (and almost impossible to win) online lottery and early morning rush line for years. And within the past year the online lottery has become the method du jour for this season's crop of new Broadway shows. At least 4 of the most popular Broadway shows of the season (Something Rotten, Gigi, Fun Home, and On The Town) currently utilize digital lotteries to give patrons the opportunity to win highly discounted tickets (about $25), Book of Mormon has done Twitter and Facebook lotteries, and the Off Broadway mega-hit Hamilton has the most impossible to win digital lottery of all, most days awarding tickets to only one winner.
It's certainly easier to tap a few buttons on your phone or computer than show up at the theatre to wait outside in the cold at a designated time on the slim chance that you'll be one of the lucky ones, but are these digital lotteries really a good thing? On one hand, yes it certainly is easier. Many are excited that it allows theatre fans from New Jersey, Long Island, or even the outer parts of the boroughs to enter without making the long and often expensive trip into the city. Enter from home, and make the trip only if you win.
But I must admit, the elitist New Yorker in me is a but smug. There's something special about gathering with fellow fans and going through the right of passage of hoping your name is called. Especially after many trips to the theatre and inevitably many unsuccessful attempts, you somehow feel that you've EARNED the right to buy those $25 tickets. Which of course you haven't, you just got lucky. But you put in the time and frozen fingers dammit! And that must be worth something. Also, the digital lotteries cause the number of entrants to go into the thousands instead of the low hundreds (or sometimes even less), thus drastically decreasing the odds for those who would have put in the time and been die-hard in-person entrants.
Alas, my luck has continued to be equally low with both in-person and digital lotteries. So maybe karma is catching up with me for being a lottery-snob...
It's certainly easier to tap a few buttons on your phone or computer than show up at the theatre to wait outside in the cold at a designated time on the slim chance that you'll be one of the lucky ones, but are these digital lotteries really a good thing? On one hand, yes it certainly is easier. Many are excited that it allows theatre fans from New Jersey, Long Island, or even the outer parts of the boroughs to enter without making the long and often expensive trip into the city. Enter from home, and make the trip only if you win.
But I must admit, the elitist New Yorker in me is a but smug. There's something special about gathering with fellow fans and going through the right of passage of hoping your name is called. Especially after many trips to the theatre and inevitably many unsuccessful attempts, you somehow feel that you've EARNED the right to buy those $25 tickets. Which of course you haven't, you just got lucky. But you put in the time and frozen fingers dammit! And that must be worth something. Also, the digital lotteries cause the number of entrants to go into the thousands instead of the low hundreds (or sometimes even less), thus drastically decreasing the odds for those who would have put in the time and been die-hard in-person entrants.
Alas, my luck has continued to be equally low with both in-person and digital lotteries. So maybe karma is catching up with me for being a lottery-snob...
1.13.2013
No Pants Epic Fails
There's a lot of annoying hipster shit that goes on in New York City, but No Pants Subway Ride day has got to be the most obnoxious day of the year. As if the concept isn't bad enough, people clearly do not know the proper way to behave in public when wearing only their skivvies. If there is one at all. This is evidenced in the following things I witnessed around Union Square today:
1. Girls in Forever 21 trying on jeans in the middle of the store. You wouldn't take off your clothes to try on jeans out in the open any other day, so just because you have easy access does not make this okay.
2. People having the balls to even enter Whole Foods in only underwears, let alone browse the hot food section. This is a frickin grocery store. I'm trying to buy a chick pea salad, I should not be able to see your pubic hair.
To make matters worse, it's never the people you'd actually want to see pants-less that participate in these things, is it?
1. Girls in Forever 21 trying on jeans in the middle of the store. You wouldn't take off your clothes to try on jeans out in the open any other day, so just because you have easy access does not make this okay.
2. People having the balls to even enter Whole Foods in only underwears, let alone browse the hot food section. This is a frickin grocery store. I'm trying to buy a chick pea salad, I should not be able to see your pubic hair.
To make matters worse, it's never the people you'd actually want to see pants-less that participate in these things, is it?
8.21.2012
Diet: Day 1
BREAKFAST--1/2 GRAPEFRUIT, 1 SLICE TOAST, 2 TBS. PEANUT BUTTER, COFFEE OR TEA
I usually don't eat breakfast so I'm looking at this meal as something to compensate for the light lunches in the system. The toast with peanut butter was great, but I'm realizing that I don't actually like grapefruits very much despite their amazing smell. They have a sour aftertaste, plus how the hell do you actually eat the things? Fork? Do you peel them? Who knows. Conversely, I'm learning that I really do like tea. Off to a good start for the day.
LUNCH--1/2 CUP TUNA, 1 SLICE TOAST, COFFEE OR TEA
Due to meetings at work, I didn't eat lunch until about 3pm (ideally would have been about 1:30 or 2pm). I was doing okay with hunger though. I had absolutely no problem with the assigned foods in this meal, but I had to eat so slowly just to convince myself that I was eating a fulfilling meal. By the time I left the office three and a half hours later I was struggling. And then tortured myself by walking past McDonalds, Red Lobster (who currently has Endless Shrimp), and numerous other tempting street food vendors. At this point I want every food I see, am questioning how I'm going to get through these three days, and cannot wait to get home for dinner.
DINNER--2 SLICES ANY TYPE OF MEAT (ABOUT 3OZ), 1 CUP GREEN BEANS, 1/2 BANANA, 1 SMALL APPLE, 1 CUP VANILLA ICE CREAM
This was definitely a turnaround point. For my meat, I chose sliced lunch meat turkey. As I was preparing my meal, I immediately noticed that I was getting a lot more food than at lunch. And I hadn't even scooped out the ice cream yet! Dinner was satisfying and tasted great. I don't eat a lot of fruit in my daily life, but found myself wondering why after thoroughly enjoying the apple and banana. (eeple and baneenee?) I'm not a big dessert person and was full enough to have easily skipped the ice cream, but in the interest of following the plan exactly as prescribed I forced it down my throat. And it was good.
I then prepared the hard boiled eggs for tomorrow and the rest of the cycle (a new skill I Googled and taught myself), feeling good and confident about this process.
I usually don't eat breakfast so I'm looking at this meal as something to compensate for the light lunches in the system. The toast with peanut butter was great, but I'm realizing that I don't actually like grapefruits very much despite their amazing smell. They have a sour aftertaste, plus how the hell do you actually eat the things? Fork? Do you peel them? Who knows. Conversely, I'm learning that I really do like tea. Off to a good start for the day.
LUNCH--1/2 CUP TUNA, 1 SLICE TOAST, COFFEE OR TEA
Due to meetings at work, I didn't eat lunch until about 3pm (ideally would have been about 1:30 or 2pm). I was doing okay with hunger though. I had absolutely no problem with the assigned foods in this meal, but I had to eat so slowly just to convince myself that I was eating a fulfilling meal. By the time I left the office three and a half hours later I was struggling. And then tortured myself by walking past McDonalds, Red Lobster (who currently has Endless Shrimp), and numerous other tempting street food vendors. At this point I want every food I see, am questioning how I'm going to get through these three days, and cannot wait to get home for dinner.
DINNER--2 SLICES ANY TYPE OF MEAT (ABOUT 3OZ), 1 CUP GREEN BEANS, 1/2 BANANA, 1 SMALL APPLE, 1 CUP VANILLA ICE CREAM
This was definitely a turnaround point. For my meat, I chose sliced lunch meat turkey. As I was preparing my meal, I immediately noticed that I was getting a lot more food than at lunch. And I hadn't even scooped out the ice cream yet! Dinner was satisfying and tasted great. I don't eat a lot of fruit in my daily life, but found myself wondering why after thoroughly enjoying the apple and banana. (eeple and baneenee?) I'm not a big dessert person and was full enough to have easily skipped the ice cream, but in the interest of following the plan exactly as prescribed I forced it down my throat. And it was good.
I then prepared the hard boiled eggs for tomorrow and the rest of the cycle (a new skill I Googled and taught myself), feeling good and confident about this process.
Diet? :/
I've decided to try a new diet, and it's been suggested that I blog about it. Though dieting is less than fabulous, I suppose at this point in the progression of this blog any post is better than no post. No?
There are many variations of this diet, but it's known as the "3 Day Diet" or "The Military Diet". You're on for three days, off for four. Though I'm assuming "off" doesn't mean you're allowed to eat The Baconator.
The version of the plan I'm following is below, and looking it over makes me feel confident that this is a diet I can realistically stick to. I love food and hate small portions, and it seems like I will still have a decent quantity of food and a fair amount of yummyness. Hot dogs? Hell yes! I went grocery shopping for the week last night and started the diet today. Stay tuned...
There are many variations of this diet, but it's known as the "3 Day Diet" or "The Military Diet". You're on for three days, off for four. Though I'm assuming "off" doesn't mean you're allowed to eat The Baconator.
The version of the plan I'm following is below, and looking it over makes me feel confident that this is a diet I can realistically stick to. I love food and hate small portions, and it seems like I will still have a decent quantity of food and a fair amount of yummyness. Hot dogs? Hell yes! I went grocery shopping for the week last night and started the diet today. Stay tuned...
DAY 1: BREAKFAST--1/2 GRAPEFRUIT, 1 SLICE TOAST, 2 TBS. PEANUT BUTTER, COFFEE OR TEA
LUNCH--1/2 CUP TUNA, 1 SLICE TOAST, COFFEE OR TEA
DINNER--2 SLICES ANY TYPE OF MEAT (ABOUT 3OZ), 1 CUP GREEN BEANS, 1/2 BANANA, 1 SMALL APPLE, 1 CUP VANILLA ICE CREAM
DAY 2: BREAKFAST--1 EGG, 1 SLICE TOAST, 1/2 BANANA
LUNCH--1 CUP COTTAGE CHEESE (OR 1 SLICE CHEDDAR CHEESE), 1 HARD BOILED EGG, 5
SALTINE CRACKERS
DINNER--2 HOT DOGS, (no buns), 1 CUP BROCCOLI, 1/2 CUP CARROTS, 1/2 BANANA, 1/2 CUP VANILLA ICE CREAM
DAY 3: BREAKFAST--5 SALTINE CRACKERS, 1 SLICE CHEDDAR CHEESE, 1 SMALL APPLE
LUNCH--1 HARD BOILED EGG, 1 SLICE TOAST
DINNER--1 CUP TUNA, 1/2 BANANA, 1 CUP VANILLA ICE CREAM
DIET WORKS ON CHEMICAL BREAKDOWN AND IS PROVEN. DO NOT VARY OR SUBSTITUTE ANY OF THE ABOVE FOODS. SALT AND PEPPER MAY BE USED, BUT DO NOT USE ANY OTHER SEASONING. DIET IS TO BE USED THREE DAYS AT A TIME.
IN THREE DAYS, YOU SHOULD LOSE 10 POUNDS. AFTER THREE DAYS OF DIETING, YOU CAN EAT YOUR NORMAL FOODS, BUT DO NOT OVER DO IT. AFTER YOUR 4 DAYS OF NORMAL EATING, START BACK ON THE 3 DAY DIET. YOU CAN LOSE UP TO 40 POUNDS IN A MONTH IF YOU STICK TO THIS DIET. IT IS A SAFE DIET.
REMEMBER: DO NOT EAT BETWEEN MEALS!
NOTE: COFFEE OR TEA THE FIRST TWO MEALS OF DAY ONE ONLY. WATER ONLY FROM THEN ON.
4.04.2012
Bravo continues to provide gems
"Silicon Valley" - I did the Googling and yes Randi Zuckerberg is related to Mark, so this show should be legit. And dramaful.
"Life After Top Chef" - Genius. As much as I love Blais and Spike though, I really hope they go for the more obscure people as well. Stephen from TC: DC needs to be back in my life.
"Below Deck" - Lame. Since they're co-workers they probably won't hook up (as much). And who wants to watch reality tv about non-rich people? Ick.
"Huh?" - My thoughts exactly. Too much technology and no Zuckerbergs.
"SUR" - As much as I love Lisa Van Der Pump, I don't know about this one. I highly doubt dogs are allowed in the SUR kitchen, and without Giggy I can't fully co-sign this.
"Miss Advised" - A relationship show and a good pun can win me over any day. Plus I like Emily Morse.
"Newlyweds: The First Year" - Won't work. There was already THE "Newlyweds" reality show, and adding a subtitle won't hide the fact that this will never measure up to the original.
"Gallery Girls" - No. First of all, too many characters for us to get to know (7). Plus no one cares about art.
"LA Shrinks" - Has a chance, but will have to really fight for a spot on my DVR. This show isn't immediately grabbing my attention, but there is unpredictability in the world of crazies.
"Decades" - This sounds like a soap opera my grandma would have watched in the 80's, but I think it's actually the name of a vintage shop. So been done before.
"The Kandi Factory" - I'd rather see Kandi Burruss do a show about sex toys than music, but this should still work out okay. I applaud the Housewives who actually have real skillz to pay the billz.
Unfortunately, several awful Bravo shows have actually been renewed ("Million Dollar Decorators", "Chef Roble & Co", and all time fail "Pregnant in Heels"). And even more unfortunately, "Boys To Manzo" is noticeably absent from the list.
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