My new boyfriend

I'm pretty sure the guy in the new commercials for 5 Hour Energy shot is my future husband. (the one about the 2:30pm crash) It's really not a big deal that I don't know his name or anything like that. He's cute and pushing debatably healthy energy drinks on us so that pretty much makes him perfect for me.



Anyone know who he is? Share the love! Or keep him all for yourself...that's probably what I'd do.

Team Pissed

I'm a nerd and had an amazon.com alert set to tell me when the DVD for "Glee: Season 1, Volume 2" became available for pre-order. Being that season 1, volume 1 was released at the very end of 2009 just shortly after the first part of the season wrapped, I figured that the second half of the season would be released in June or early July. Which is soon, which made me Team Excited!

However, I became Team Pissed when I got an alert from Amazon about my much-anticipated volume 2, went to the website to place my pre-order, and realized that the selection came up as "Glee: The Complete First Season" at the "discounted" price of $41.99. And after another search on Amazon and the internets in general, there was no volume 2 DVD to be found. Wtf, Glee? You really think I'm going to spend almost double what I paid on my first DVD and re-buy 13 episodes just to get the new ones? (which in my opinion dropped in quality and became too gimmicky)

Glee and Fox Entertainment are seriously pissing me off and insulting my intelligence as a consumer. Us Glee fans love the opportunity to purchase the music and footage of our favorite show, but I am not such a Gleek that I have to own every piece of merchandise you thrust on me when it means having double copies and throwing my money at an already filthy rich corporation. I watch and love Glee because of the way it makes me feel, but that feeling comes from the content NOT the satisfaction of the pretty packaging of a full boxed set. You've found a way to also milk 5+ CD releases out of this season, which have been huge best sellers! How dumb do you think we are, Fox? Not all Glee fans are high schoolers with a disposable income from their parents. Glee has a huge and passionate fan base of twenty-something former glee or theatre kids, myself included. We graduated from college, got hit hard by the recession, and are struggling to find jobs or working entry level with no advancement. We're not buying your marketing crap, literally.

It would be a huge mistake for Fox not to release a DVD edition containing only the second half of the season (March-June 2010). The e-alerts for the DVD have been out for less than 12 hours and backlash has already started. Without these buyers, where are a few extra dollars from tweens buying the full season really getting you, Fox?

Free foods

Crocodile Lounge
East Village
325 East 14th Street (b/w 1st and 2nd Avenues)
New York, NY 10003
212-477-7747

This place is legendary for their too good to be true (but totally true!) gimmick of free pizza with a drink purchase. No catch, you are given a ticket to redeem on site for a free personal cheese pizza with literally every drink you purchase. The pizza's pretty yums too! I forced myself to stop redeeming the tickets after my second pizza (the drinks obvi kept flowing). Free stuff is always great, but that's not the only reason to go to Crocodile Lounge. The drinks are cheap, happy hour is even cheaper, and they have naked photo hunt AND skee ball! The main room is basement-ish but friendly with a cool couch nook and over-sized plush pillows. Venture alllll the way to the back for the games and Croc's hidden gem of a surprisingly sexy outdoor patio. They even have trivia nights and other events that encourage activities along with your boozing. I have nothing bad to say, Crocodile Lounge pretty much equals guaranteed happiness.
Rating: 5 stars

Groupie Thrust (and other reality show winning concepts)

Television decided to kill the excitement in my life this week by having basically every major reality show come to a close. But never could I think of a better time to get on my high horse and make predictions for who is obviously going to leave reality land victorious...and thus ruin their life forever.

The Celebrity Apprentice (finale Sunday, May 23 at 9pm)

Predicted winner: Bret Michaels

With a high level of innovation and task-winning concepts such as the "Groupie Thrust" workout, it's a given that Bret Michaels is more than qualified to be Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice. Plus The Donald loves publicity, and naming Bret Michaels as the winner would definitely carry the perfect timing and cool factor that Holly Robinson Pete (btw, who?) clearly lacks.

The Biggest Loser (finale Tuesday, May 25th at 8pm)

Predicted winner: Ashley

This one comes down to math. The winner of The Biggest Loser usually loses just under 50% of their starting weight. However, due to the larger starting size of the contestants and the longer length of this season, I think the bar is going to be raised this year on total weight loss percentage. Most boys have a hard time topping 50% without looking anno, Michael could do it but probably not in the time frame, which leaves Ashley who easily has the time and ability to get down to about 185 (she started in the 370's) and look smokin hawt.

Dancing with the Stars (finale Tuesday, May 25th at 9pm)

Predicted winner: Evan Lysacek

I really think he can take out Nicole Scherzinger. He is just as good of a dancer, and I think/hope the American voters are starting to realize she's a huge bitch. My prediction is completely unbiased...despite the fact that Evan is my future husband.

American Idol (finale Wednesday, May 26th at 8pm)

Predicted winner: Lee DeWyze

This is the biggie. The reality show that changes the life AND career of the winner for good, but probs not for the better. Who doesn't want to sign their life and creative control away to a now-irrelevant media monster? Lee has grown on me throughout the season and despite his blahs will probably win. The interesting thing about the final week of Idol is that it's the only time viewers can use defensive voting. If you dislike one contestant, voting for the other directly and strongly effects the outcome being that there are only 2 choices left. A lot of people (myself included) find Crystal Bowersox annoying and will vote for Lee just to ensure that the weird hippie doesn't win.

Striking gold in footwear

Sex and the City 2 will be upon us a week from today (I've seen it, it does not disappoint!) which means we're soon going to have over two hours worth of new fashion inspiration. Most of us don't have Carrie Bradshaw's inexplicable shoe budget, so thank goodness retail chains nowadays have no respect for copyrights and no shame in making knockoffs!

In the opening scene of the movie, Carrie wears a casual white dress with blinding Christian Louboutin gold glitter pumps (a $795 value). Bakers is currently selling a nearly identical pair of H by Halston shoes for only $79.95, and considering they're from Bakers they're surprisingly not slut-tastic. Shame on you Halston, but yes I'll take a 90% discount thank you very much. They're a bit flashy even for my taste and not my favorite trend from the new movie, but this Carrie look is one of most wearable and can easily be pulled off with any white cotton tunic dress.

It's summer, bring on the rooftops

Glass Bar at the Hotel Indigo
Chelsea
127 W 28th Street (b/w 6th and 7th Avenues)
New York, NY 10001
212-973-9000
www.indigochelsea.com

Newly opened this week on the rooftop of the Hotel Indigo, Glass Bar is absolutely stunning. Like with most rooftop bars Glass boasts a great view, but they've also gone the extra mile to make the lounge itself visually interesting. Blue light is reflected on the low glass wall that surrounds the bar, creating an ocean-like vibe. This half enclosed/half open-air lounge is small, but the crowd was also modest so space or door drama aren't issues...yet. The music is low and funky, making Glass a good place to bring a date or catch up with friends rather than get crazy get wild. Prices are steep but average for a hotel rooftop, but Glass better step up its service if it wants to compete with the big dogs of this popular summer nightlife genre. They didn't have the proper ingredients for several of their specialty cocktails, and the bartender may have been the slowest and dumbest I've ever experienced in Manhattan. Though not crowded, we waited forever for service at the small bar, were forgotten about mid-order, and yet she still got my drink vastly wrong. Since when does "rum and coke" sound like "unidentified yellow-ish vodka drink"? Glass needs to work out what are hopefully some opening weekend kinks, or it will soon indi-go-bye-bye.
Rating: 3 stars

Poise is like Herpes: Miss USA 2010

Tonight was the Celebrity Apprentice Reunion The Miss USA pageant brought to you by The Donald and friends. Miss Michigan Rima Fakih won the title and was my favorite for most of the pageant. She is gorgeous and one fierce biotch as proven by her dramatic swimwear walk, graceful recovery from a noticeable stumble, and poses for daysssss. I also was rooting for Rima, who is Lebanese American, because I don't believe we've ever seen a major national pageant queen of Middle-Eastern descent. However, perhaps that factor undeservedly propelled Rima to the title among a final five that was rounded out by blonde white girls. In my opinion, Rima blew it in the final question when she giggily claimed that of course health insurance should cover birth control pills because they're a "controlled substance", "can be costly", and even threw in a thought provoking "hi Mom". Several of the other ladies bombed their questions as well, and at that point the title should have easily gone to Miss Oklahoma who eloquently spoke on behalf of states' rights to make and enforce their own laws. Or it just should have been ME!

Now a few other moments that made this hot mess fun to watch:

"You can't buy poise. It's like Herpes: you either have it or you don't." - Joan Rivers during her backstage color commentary. Sounds like some white trash version of The Countess LuAnn de Lessepes's new song.

One contestant who was wearing a red evening gown with the midriff cut out described her dress as "red, sexy, and flowy...just like me." So you see yourself like a period?

Miss Virginia described her evening gown as "sophisticated in the front". The dress had a high neckline, but a slit right down the middle completely revealing her breasts. But I'll forgive this lack of judgment because she had the best hair in the competition.

Doing a choreographed dance to country music is awkward.

Host Curtis Stone blatantly wanting to sleep with basically every contestant. And his co-host Some Broadcast Chick constantly making awkward jokes about it. But it's okay because basically every contestant wanted to sleep with him too (and why wouldn't they?). One contestant even offered to cook her famous grilled cheese sandwich for him the morning after they you-know-what...

Hooray for Holly's World!

A few months ago the E! network aired a special called Holly's World which chronicled former Girl Next Door Holly Madison's life in Las Vegas while starring in the burlesque(?) show Peepshow. The episode showed Holly rehearsing for the show, lounging by the pool, and lobbying the mayor to help fix Vegas's traffic problem. I got confused at the time when there was only one episode in what looked to be a promising reality show, and I guess E! knew that blondes everywhere were scratching their heads because it's now turning into a series. Holly's World will officially premiere June 13th at 10:30pm (right after Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami obvs).

I've always been a fan of Holly's, so I'm tres excited. This show has a great cast of supporting characters like Holly's dimwitted assistant, Peepshow co-stars and party pals, and probs Criss Angel and Benji Madden (we can hope, right?) They've also staged and taped this show in the perfect tongue in cheek way which proves that Holly doesn't take herself too seriously, a quality that I seriously adore.

The Ham Game: brought to you by the Manzos

The new season of The Real Housewives of New Jersey has been pretty blah thus far, but one moment from this week's episode made me laugh so uncontrollably that it hurt as I watched this clip over and over. It felt good.


I'm not quite sure what the objective of The Ham Game is, but it seems like you just throw ham at each other and try to do it when the other person doesn't expect it. The game itself made me lol a lot, but Caroline's reaction was even better. She gets scarily fired up and says things that make no sense such as "There's nothing RESPONSIBLE about The Ham Game." There's nothing responsible about most games, but isn't that why we play them?

I'm seriously worried that if I play The Ham Game around Caroline that she'll hire someone to tie me up and throw me in the Hudson.

Bubblegum tweener pop amazingness

Big Time Rush is easily the best fake show about a real/fake band since S Club 7 in Miami. I discovered this show recently during a lonely night with limited cable in an Atlantic City Hotel room, and I'm kind of obsessed. Big Time Rush airs on Nickelodeon and chronicles the scripted hijinks of real boyband Big Time Rush as they pretend-move to LA to record their first album while living in some sort of compound for kids and teens in the entertainment business. Whether the chicken of the band came before or after the egg of the TV show is unknown, but I don't care because omg they're soooo cute!

From a "musical" standpoint, Big Time Rush is the perfect boyband because it's literally impossible to decide which member is the hottest (though I'm leaning toward Kendall, second from left). The characters on the show are in only high school, and even in real life not a single member is old enough to legally drink alcohol. Perfect. The music is also really catchy with tunes like "Halfway There" and "Big Time". Although, their romantic single "Any Kind of Guy" totally sends the wrong message to the youngins saying they'll be any kind of guy us girls want just to get in our pants impress us. Don't pretend to be who you aren't just to get a date, kids. From a television standpoint, this show has the perfect storm of physical comedy, innocent flirtations, musical numbers, and fat jokes needed to impress Nick's target audience of tweens...and apparently twenty-something entertainment bloggers.

Kendall, I don't care if you are 19 playing a 16-year-old...wanna bang?

Kind of a hipster Copacabana

Home Sweet Home
Lower East Side
131 Chrystie Street (b/w Delancey and Broome Streets)
New York, NY 10002
212-226-5708
www.homesweethomebar.com

First of all, every time I come here (usually Fridays) one of my friends loses something, so you know that means you had a fun night. Home Sweet Home is what would happen if your mom's basement had cool lighting, a great DJ, and 300+ of your closest friends ready to get drunk and dance. The decor is randomly chic including mismatched vintagey furniture, stuffed animals (not of the teddy-bear variety), and kick ass chandeliers. This underground bar with cement floors with a low ceiling definitely is reminiscent of a dingy basement, but that's a good thing because it feels like you're...well, at home. Find Home Sweet Home by the unmarked entryway with a staircase and fancy chandelier, and don't be surprised or frustrated if they charge a teensy cover, it's worth it. A narrow bar area leads to a dance floor in the back where hipsters, downtown fashionistas, and other creatively dressed twenty-somethings wiggle around to Motown, early rock and roll, and a few carefully selected tracks from the 70's-90's. Because there's probably over 300 people packed into this tiny basement, space is pretty tight and a fight has been known to break out...but within 2 minutes that fight will probably just turn into a dance battle so no need to worry. Load up on the cheap drinks, dance to music that you probably don't know but will become your new favorite, and use the lack of space to "accidentally" grope one of the many cute guys at Home Sweet Home.
Rating: 4.5 stars

Last call...for cookies

This is a very important announcement. You only have about two hours left to get Girl Scout Cookies until spring 2011. This is serious.

I grew up either selling Girl Scout Cookies myself or buying them from the lil tots in my neighborhood, but since the children of NYC are clearly too corrupt to join the Girl Scouts other measures had to be taken. The Girl Scouts of New York City have set up four Cookie Cupboards throughout the boroughs so New Yorkers can still get our fill of minty and shortbread and coconut goodness. Cookies are sold at these locations in any quantity with no need for advance order...and for only $3.50 per box! In Manhattan that's seriously cheaper than you can get a small box of Oreos. I visited the Cookie Cupboard on 23rd Street today and stocked up on Thin Mints for the next year, so now I can stuff my face on lonely nights while supporting a good cause. Thank goodness I did because today is the LAST DAY the Cookie Cupboards are open, and in Manhattan only until 4:30pm. So get there you gluttons!

Observations from the Jerz

Here's the hot topics that came from last night's season premiere of The Real Housewives of New Jersey:

-Dina is slowly becoming the Crazy Cat Lady. Why does she now not have any family members in the background of her title slide? What happened to her daughter Lexi? I mean, can't they just throw a bigass picture of Grandma Wrinkles (cat, not family member) up in there? Grandma Wrinkles and her new pussy Ladybug got about 15 minutes of airtime last night, but Dina's people family was nowhere to be seen. Also, Ladybug is possibly even more "special looking" than Grandma Wrinkles.

-When are we going to see The Real Housepets of Bravo? Seriously this is a great idea. I could watch Ginger, Grandma Wrinkles, and Kim's wig all day.

-Caroline's daughter Lauren has a new boyfriend, Vito. Obviously she is dating a guy named Vito, and it should come as no surprise that he's her brother Albie's best friend. That's just how it happens in Jersey, now Chris just has to date Vito's sister.

-Caroline's husband Albert lost a lot of weight and apparently got all hot and stuff. It's obvious that they're now having a ton of sex which kinda grosses me out.

-Danielle and her new bff Kim D are scary together. These bitches will literally cut you.

-Yet Kim seems to be a traitor, making nice with the Manzos and saying she's not all that close with Danielle. Did I miss something or is Kim going to be a new Housewife? Homegirl is working her camera time.

-According to Teresa, you need to marry a Jewish guy but then make him 180 cans of Italian tomato sauce per year. But not when you're on your period. Her daughter Gia is grossed out, not because of periods or crushing tomatoes, but because she doesn't want to marry a Jewish guy.

-This season better get more interesting. Fast.