Today might be the best TV night of all-time

No hyperbole. The best night of ALL. TIME. Why are the networks even doing this to themselves...and to me?!

8pm ET - "Survivor" season premiere on CBS. To me this actually doesn't matter all that much, but to a lot of people "Survivor" is a big deal. And I get it. It's one of the OGs of reality TV, and I have respect for that.

9pm ET - "Empire" season premiere on FOX. This show is changing the game, and not just because it's getting me to watch a scripted show. The ratings during season one earlier this year were unheard of for a new show in today's media landscape. Cookie is one of the best developed (and best dressed) female characters in years. White people are appreciating hip-hop! My mom likes it! This show has it all.

9pm ET - "Modern Family" season premiere on ABC. This is what white people should be watching at 9pm, but won't be.

9:30pm ET - "Big Brother" season finale on CBS. I might be most excited for this. Or "Empire". Don't make me decide. My night would be made if Steve or Liz win HOH and do not take Vanessa to the final two. Justice would be served.

10pm ET - "Nashville" season premiere on ABC. It's like the country version of "Empire", and has managed to last four seasons even though it jumped the shark when Scarlett made friends with that homeless guy. So clearly "Nashville" is legit.

10pm ET - "Million Dollar Listing: LA" on Bravo. Well...I'm excited....


Happy Fall TV Season, everyone!

Old Lady thoughts on "Bachelor In Paradise"

Bachelor In Paradise has started its second season of shenanigans, and so far these crazy kids are not disappointing. So as an official "old lady" according to the "I" sisters, this is my Old Lady perspective:

• Let's just start there: The "I" Sisters (virgin Ashley from Chris's season and her slutty tag-along younger sister Lauren). They say some pretty horrible things. As a 30-year-old, I am apparently an old lady, and apparently all old single women are desperate so they just get really drunk and throw themselves at younger men. Or at least this is what I gathered over two different conversations during the two-night premiere. However horrible half of the things that come out of their mouths may be, the other half are along the lines of "make your ponytail more Ariana" which are nuggets that just make my life.
• Speaking of nuggets...always McDonald's nuggets (to settle Ashley I and Jared's deep debate).
• The opening credit sequence is the stuff campy reality TV dreams are made of. If memory serves, the Bachelor franchise really has never had an opening sequence or music at all. So to go from zero to cheesy staged turns toward the camera, popping out of vases, and 70's sitcom font is turning it up a whole bunch of notches and I love it!
• This after show....doing a new show concept live is not an easy thing so I'll withhold full judgment for now. But it needs to be 30 minutes. See examples of after-shows for The Challenge, Party Down South, and pretty much every other reality show that's ever had an after show. And most of those are taped.
• Clare continues to talk to animals, and this season it's a crab in one of her roommates' beds. That's not a euphemism. And seriously, do crabs really walk sideways like that?!

It's now past 10pm on the East Coast so this old lady needs to go to bed.

Bachelor in Paradise airs Sundays AND Mondays at 8pm ET/7pm CT on ABC. Or something like that. It's so many hours of TV to watch....

All you need is a smart-phone and a dream: Broadway Online Ticket Lotteries

Rent started the "rush" ticket trend back in the 90's. Shakespeare In The Park productions have had a popular (and almost impossible to win) online lottery and early morning rush line for years. And within the past year the online lottery has become the method du jour for this season's crop of new Broadway shows. At least 4 of the most popular Broadway shows of the season (Something Rotten, Gigi, Fun Home, and On The Town) currently utilize digital lotteries to give patrons the opportunity to win highly discounted tickets (about $25), Book of Mormon has done Twitter and Facebook lotteries, and the Off Broadway mega-hit Hamilton has the most impossible to win digital lottery of all, most days awarding tickets to only one winner.

It's certainly easier to tap a few buttons on your phone or computer than show up at the theatre to wait outside in the cold at a designated time on the slim chance that you'll be one of the lucky ones, but are these digital lotteries really a good thing? On one hand, yes it certainly is easier. Many are excited that it allows theatre fans from New Jersey, Long Island, or even the outer parts of the boroughs to enter without making the long and often expensive trip into the city. Enter from home, and make the trip only if you win.

But I must admit, the elitist New Yorker in me is a but smug. There's something special about gathering with fellow fans and going through the right of passage of hoping your name is called. Especially after many trips to the theatre and inevitably many unsuccessful attempts, you somehow feel that you've EARNED the right to buy those $25 tickets. Which of course you haven't, you just got lucky. But you put in the time and frozen fingers dammit! And that must be worth something. Also, the digital lotteries cause the number of entrants to go into the thousands instead of the low hundreds (or sometimes even less), thus drastically decreasing the odds for those who would have put in the time and been die-hard in-person entrants.

Alas, my luck has continued to be equally low with both in-person and digital lotteries. So maybe karma is catching up with me for being a lottery-snob...