Grenade whistlllle!

Jersey Shore new season January 6th, bitch! Is it just me or did this kinda sneak up on us? Trailer's here!

Jersey Shore - MTV Shows

Dear "The Real World"...

Dear The Real World,

Oh how I used to love thee so. Oh how my primary goal in life was once being a cast member on the show. However, I write today to express my disgust in your lack of creativity and to inform you that there are still fun cities out there that you have not yet filmed in.

The 25th season of The Real World is currently being filmed in Las Vegas, making this the third repeat city for the show. Possibly more if you call their BS on "Los Angeles" and "Hollywood" being two different cities. While Vegas is probably my favorite city in the world and will make for great television shenannies, I must point out that this is also technically the third season you have done in Sin City (season 12, and Reunited: The Real World Las Vegas which was 6 episodes so totally counts as a season). That is pathetic.

Have you never heard of such places as Atlanta? St. Louis? Montreal? Phoenix? Even Pittsburgh for cryin out loud? Seriously, Real World producers, get creative. Maybe I am freakin old compared to most of your viewers, but I'm still watching and I can remember far back enough to know that you are running out of ideas and spoon-feeding me the same crap! Granted I'm willingly eating your crap...but I would like some different crap please.

Sick of eating crap,
Megan

P.S. - The cast of the new Real World: Las Vegas includes an actual gay porn star, so this season may be more entertaining than the amateur porn the show usually gives us.

I need to stop watching teen shows

There's been quite a bit of buzz surrounding MTV's new scripted comedy The Hard Times of RJ Berger. The premise of the show is simple, genius, and yet juvenile at the same time: a teen nerd becomes famous for his huge penis. Well not "famous", but like "high school famous" which is almost more important than real fame. I'm really enjoying this show because they're pushing buttons about as much as a show geared toward teens can (in the most recent episode the mom masturbates on the clothes dryer), but I'm a little perplexed by the casting choice for RJ.

Paul Iacono does a fine job as the title character, but isn't he a little too hot to be playing one of the biggest dorks in school? I don't have a cougar crush on him or anything (for once) but Paul is fairly good looking and while small, not scrawny at all. Just take a moment to observe the pecks next time RJ wears a tight t-shirt. Warning: he does this a lot. They've also styled RJ more mis-matched hipster than clueless dork, which then puzzles me as to why he's such an outcast. Plus, why don't more girls wanna bang him now that they know what he's packing? To be continued...it looks like at some point in the season RJ is going to get some.

PS - MICKEY PARKE makes a cameo later in the season!! Mickey freakin Parke from 2ge+her! Okay, actually actor Alex Solowitz who played Mickey Park in the hit MTV movie and TV series 2ge+her...about an awesome fictional boyband. Mickey Parke has one ho, and one ho only, and that's Mickey Parke fool! Guess MTV still had contractual obligations with him after 2ge+her was abruptly cancelled. (RIP, QT...)

This is a NEW show?

Downtown Girls - MTV Shows

On June 1st MTV will premiere its latest reality show, Downtown Girls. From the concept to the voiceover to the cinematography I'm really struggling to see that this is a different show than The Hills and especially The City. It's all so traditional-schmiditional-medicinal. I seriously got confused and thought Shallon (real name) was LC in the frozen screenshot...and then "Bachelor" Vienna in her lameass video blog.

None the less, I'm still pretty convinced that I'm doing something wrong with life not being a cast member on The DownHillsCity Girls. I think I need to get a posher name. Mallon is sounding pretty good right about now.

http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/509345/downtown-girls-trailer.jhtml#id=1637774

Tears...and sly coincidences

Sad news y'all. The Hills has been cancelled. The sixth season which premieres on April 27th will be the last, which means we only have about 3 more months to get our fill of the real lives of Speidi, Justin Bobby, and my personal favorite Frankie Delgado. Well that's not completely true because we still have Us magazine, but it's so much more fun to sit around on Monday nights and giggle with girlfriends while watching so much drama unfold.

All facetiousness aside, I almost cried when I heard this news.

Hours before The Hills news broke, it was announced that Doug Reinhardt will be developing a new reality show for the E! network. Doug is best known for famewhoring by dating talent-less starlets like Paris Hilton (no disrespect intended, much love), which all started with Lauren Conrad of...The Hills. Even after their breakup and LC's departure from reality tv, Doug continued to appear on the show as a member of Brody Jenner's bro-posse. The new reality show won't center around Doug or Paris (though they will make appearances), it will be about Doug's little sister Casey and her fab friends. This may sound completely rando and boring, but Casey is a reality TV blast from the past herself, having appeared extensively on season 2 of Laguna Beach. And it all comes full circle. For those who don't remember Casey (I do, obvi), she can best be summed up in a memorable quote from Kristin Cavallari: "everything from her hair to her personality is fake". I don't see what's so bad about that though, it's what makes a good reality star! And K-Cav, your show just got cancelled...

In case you were wondering, Doug Reinhardt's television producing credentials also include playing minor league baseball and being the heir to a frozen burrito fortune. Seems like a smart kid though. Considering this chain of recent television happenings, well played brotha!

Megan as a Guidette

Damn you MTV for creating one of the most brillz TV shows in the world with Jersey Shore and one of the most brillz games/work distractions with the "Jersey Shore Yourself" application. While doing legitimate research for a work project, I stumbled upon this. By going through a series of steps such as hair, wardrobe, accessories, tan level, etc, you can make an avatar of yourself in full guido or guidette mode. And who doesn't want that?

So this is me...obvi. Or "KusKus" as my nickname was back in my days as a Jersey Girl (pronounced like the food). She's probably the only blonde guidette in the world and STILL has an amazing poof, but unfortunately the website made her keep her bra on under the JWoww scarf boob shirt. She only has the second lightest level of tan because realistically that's as far as this Irish guidette can get with her tanning skills. Note the scorpion tattoo on the leg for her zodiac sign, and the drink in hand because she's pretty much always drunk and out at the bar searching for juiced, tan guidos.

The sad part is that I considered making my lil Jersey Shore girl legit work research. Oh my job...

Why does MTV hate "Styl'D"?

As much as MTV replays their shows over and over again to the point where I can quote pretty much every line of Jersey Shore (not that that's a bad thing), I've had a hell of a time trying to follow their fashion reality show Styl'D. Styl'D follows five aspiring celebrity stylists as they compete for a job with a top agency. This show barely gets any repeat scheduling and has changed timeslots about three times, leaving me to believe that MTV actually doesn't want us to watch it.

Styl'D premiered on a Sunday night at the beginning of November after one of the most extensive promo campaigns I've seen from MTV in awhile. Commercials for Styl'D ran on numerous other stations including some of the major networks, a rarity for a cable network aimed at a young viewer. Many people I've talked to really liked the show, but I guess it wasn't quite trashy enough for MTV because immediately after the premiere it was moved to Tuesday nights with little notice. Then it completely disappeared for a few weeks while more important Tuesday programming took place like the season finales of The Hills and The City and the premiere of Teen Mom. Then just when I thought Styl'D was gone for good, it started popping up in my DVR on Saturday night...where networks put shows out to pasture to die. Teen Mom permanently took over the Tuesday night 10 Spot, showing that MTV clearly has their priorities straight rewarding oops-moments over young adults working toward their careers.

The season finale of Styl'D airs tonight, and all twelve viewers will find out who has won the celebrity styling job. If Brett doesn't win this ish something is just plain wrong...but the real question is whether the finale will air at all. Stay tuned...

My fists are ready to pump

Jersey Shore - MTV Shows

Back off bitch, I started the frickin poof!

Pretty much everyone I know was obsessed with MTV's True Life docs about the Jersey Shore, and apparently the network also knows a good (exploitable) thing when they see it. Get out your Cascada CD and your best muscle tank, because in December they will launch a new full reality series creatively titled Jersey Shore. I think they missed the memo that it's really only referred to as "The Shore" or "down the shore" because really, what other shore is there? I honestly don't think I have ever been this excited for a reality show, this is sure to make Rehab: Party at the Hard Rock look like a nunnery.

I seeeeee you...

The Hills - MTV Shows

The new season of The Hills: Heidi and Spencer + Kristin - LC has been underway for about a month with predictably not much real dramz to report. So thankfully we had a reality tv crasher in last night's episode! Go to about the 6:50 mark in the video above to the moment where we get a lovely shot and title caption of Brent Bolthouse and his nose (they forgot to give his nose its own caption). Stealing the thunder in the left of Bolthouse's moment is none other than TOM GREEN! Who let him in? Didn't they get the memo that he's so dunzo? I kid, I actually adore Tom Green, and let it be known that he was robbed on The Celebrity Apprentice. Robbed I tell you!

Almost outshining Tom Green in this episode was Holly Montag and her "alcohol problem". Looks to me like homegirl was just having a good time woooo! It must suck to get a supporting role in a scripted reality show, and then be scripted as the token alcoholic. And then get called out on it by Stephanie "DUI" Pratt. Pot meet kettle. At least this may open an opportunity for Holly to do Celebrity Rehab and add a third reality show to her resume, which would make her a hell of a lot more accomplished than these other biotches.

My 15 minutes

Guess who guest-blogged about The Hills for Gawker?

Best Challenge EVER!

The Real World/Road Rules Challenge "The Duel 2" kicked off last night and has already surpassed every other challenge in entertainment value and sheer smuttyness by a mile.

On a credible note, they rounded up a great cast with some all-time standouts. Mark Long from Road Rules season 1 is back after saying that he was retiring from challenges a few years ago. Fame whores NEVER retire though! I kid, I like Mark. Homeboy has gots ta be close to 40 and is still one hot piece. Now his buddy Eric Neis needs to get off that old people "we used to be hot" reality show on VH1 and come to where the action really is. "The Duel 2" cast also includes Ruthie, Aneesa, Rachel (RR Campus Crawl), and a few others who have got to be a good 15 years older than some of the new kids. Throw in our favorite crazies like Brooke, CT and Katie and you have one interesting group of people.

I also love that they dropped these kids in the mountains of New Zealand during winter and are making them clearly freeze their asses off. Never before have I seen winter coats, hats, and SNOW during a challenge. Sun, nudity and free tropical vacays were getting old, this is a good thing.

Not onto the smut. Evan returns for this challenge, and if I could bang any contestant of all time he would probably be my pick. Major eye candy. And Brooke would pretty much be my insta-BFF because she's freakin nuts and is not apologizing for it. I would jump in the hot-tub orgy that took place in last night's episode with her, Davis, and Ryan like it was my job. Gay men love me and I def have enough crazy in me to keep up with Brooke.

In other sexy time news, CT and Shauvon had loud monkey sex on the roof on the first night. Making it even more interesting, CT's ex, Diem, found out and flipped her shiz, so then CT flipped his shiz and beat up Adam. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. If CT isn't beating someone up before the competitions even begin on these shows he just seems to get bored. Adam breathed in Diem's direction or something so CT assumed he told her about the sexy time on the roof. Really it was Katie who blabbed, because she needed camera time. Why do they even keep casting CT on these shows? They know he's just gonna have a roid rage and they're just gonna have to keep calling MJ to replace people.

Needless to say, CT and Adam are now dunzo along with Shauvon and Nick (yah, I barely know who they are either) who lost duels. Enjoy this video of Adam getting mauled by CT while wearing one piece footie pajamas. This season's gonna be somuchdrama, hang on kiddos.

Update: So I lied and we actually don't yet know if Shauvon lost her duel against Aneesa. I made that up in my head. But she probably did, Aneesa cuts bitches.

Who the eff are these Photoshopped peoples?

Typically I think it's really lame when blogs make fun of how photoshopped celebs are in pictures, but seriously who are these people? "Entertainment Weekly" tells us this is the season 5 cast of The Hills, but when the most real-looking person in the group is Heidi Montag I find that hard to believe. I had to enlarge this pic just to see who the two blondes on the right were (Lo Bosworth and Stephanie Pratt b-t-dubs), and I'm still not convinced that the brunette is actually Audrina. The girl in the front is Lauren...obvi since she's the "star" and thus gets to be in the front. But if you're trying to tell me that the "gentleman" on the right is actually Justin Bobby then you're paying for my next eye exam on these 20/20 baby blues...and you should get your own eyes checked while you're at it. There is no EFFING way! I guess this confirms Whitney's not coming back for this season. Even though The City was one of the most boring shows on television, even she knows she can do better than this half-assed crap.

Effin Pete Wentz

So Pete Wentz decided to take a break from dirty diaper duty last week and actually make an episode of FNMTV. It was a holiday special and his producers really worked hard to book such diverse guests as Miley Cyrus, Trace Cyrus and his band Metro Station, and Fall Out Boy. Not to mention they were actually able to book Pete's BFF, Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes. Way to hit the pavement and really get the hard-hitting interviews, folks!

I'm really so glad Pete Wentz takes the time out of his day to do FNMTV once every two or three months.

Those were the days

Since this week MTV ended their 10+ year run of TRL (that's "Total Request Live", mom), took 3 hours to play snippets of 10 videos, and will spend the next few weeks reminding us of how awesome it was, I decided to take a moment to share some of my own reflections.

I remember when TRL was on at NIGHT (not after school? gasp!). The year was 1997. Carson Daly's ego wasn't inflated to the size of Texas. Hanson was still popular. And TRL was some low budget show that MTV seemingly haphazardly threw on the air to see if it would catch on with the tween market...and did it ever.

However, even most die hards do not remember the early days of TRL when there was no studio. There was no set. There was no going to the MTV window to wave at screaming fans in Times Square. There was only Carson Daly alone in a black room announcing a countdown of videos that were actually based on your votes. In those renegade days, there was no fancy website to tally votes. I remember typing out my vote and emailing it the old fashioned way through good ole AOL. I pity the intern who had to sit there tallying those things. With the recent TRL buzz in light of the finale, I've brought up these glory days of programming in conversation with many musically in-the-know friends. No one else seems to remember Carson's black room. Maybe I'm just really die hard...or maybe I was a bad-ass 7th grader simultaneously on the honor roll AND shrooms, and Carson's black room was all in my head.

Another memory I must share is when I actually had the opportunity to be in the live studio audience at TRL (a right of passage for any good teeny-bopper). It was my freshman year of college, and for the first time in my life I was living merely a short train ride away from New York city and the place where celebs gathered, MTV studios. My friend Lauren and I skipped English class (what did I tell you, I'm bad ass) to stand in the cold in hopes of being granted admission to the TRL studios to get a glimpse of one of out favorite stars, Clay Aiken. We came, we saw, we got hugs from the Gayken (eep omg ahhhh!)...and then I grew older and wiser and realized that he was in face, "unavailable".

All of these memories do hold a dear place in my heart so thank you, MTV, for those glory days when you actually played videos and brought joy into a young Claymate's heart. I was truly there for the beginning...and being that I managed to sit through the 3 hour live finale I can now say I was there at the end.