"I Love Money" is back...WTF?!?

After the dramz that happened with alleged I Love Money 3 winner Ryan The Murderer, VH1 pulled the franchise for what we all thought was going to be forever. Thankfully, this turned out not to be the case...although the network is not very proud of it.

I Love Money 4 quietly premiered on Thursday, September 16th on VH1 at 11pm Eastern. No quality show ever has a run time that late at night. I knew nothing about this and sadly missed the premiere. No promos ran, and VH1 does not even have a page for the show on their website, making I Love Money the shameful bastard child of the network. The show was taped over a year ago around the same time as the never-to-be-seen IL$3, but has been re-edited to focus more on the competition than the relationships between cast mates (soooo...no sex? how?). An official message on the VH1 message board states that the show has been revised slightly "to fit better with our current programming". So I guess this all means that VH1 realised how much of a hot mess they were and decided that they needed to stop putting crazies and murderers on their reality shows. But we loved VH1 as a hot mess!

Sadly it looks like this show is going to fail, but I think VH1 wants it that way. The random timeslot of the show and minimal replays mean that barely anyone will end up seeing it. Episodes are also not posted on the internet like with other VH1 shows, which means in today's net-obsessed world they'll lose a large viewership. Focusing on the game and not personal stories will also probably make the show boring, so those who do find a chance to watch will be less likely to become repeat viewers.

I understand the decision to pull Megan Wants a Millionaire mid-season and not air IL$3 (although it tore two pieces out of my little heart!), but why mess with IL$4 when its cast doesn't include any current felons? Newsflash, no one wants to watch Fantasia for Real! We want trashy Z-listers rolling around in mud and hooking up with multiple people! I Love Money 4 includes several tools from Daisy of Love, some walking STDs from Rock of Love Bus, and some of the more "wholesome" cast members of Megan Wants a Millionaire. The trailer looks decent, but I suspect that a lot of great programming was probably left on the cutting room floor in light of this situation.

Celebrity Rehab: Reality star edition!

The cast for season 4 of Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab is starting to take shape, and I'm giddy with excitement! Confirmed and unconfirmed castmates include Jeremy London and his wife (I think I was just barely too young to appreciate him in his heartthrob days) and one of the Pointer Sisters (pretty sure my parents listened to them). But then it starts to get really exciting with the inclusion of Tila Tequila, Jason "Gummy Bear" Davis, Jason Wahler, and most recently announced Janice Dickinson! Okay so Tila was in, then her rep announced she was out, but I haven't given up hope. Jason W is still major hotness, and Janice is one of my favorite hot messes in the world. I seriously love the woman, think she's entertaining as hell, and really respect her as a brand. I actually didn't realize she still had a substance abuse problem though...

I couldn't help but notice that over half the alleged cast has gained fame on a reality show (or two, or three...), so let's see how they stack up:

Jason "Gummy Bear" Davis - 1 (kinda, one episode of Millionaire Matchmaker)

Tila Tequila - 1 (A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, 2 seasons)

Jason Wahler - 3 (Laguna Beach, The Hills, Celebrity Rap Superstar)

Janice Dickinson - 5 (America's Next Top Model, The Surreal Life, The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Abbey & Janice: Beauty and the Best, I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, ...AND she actually had a career!)

Hail Queen Janice! Celebrity Rehab will be her 6th reality show which is impressive/sad/inspiring. No premiere date is set for Celebrity Rehab 4, but filming is rumored to have started.

Megan Wants a...Murderer?

Not me, sillies, Megan Hauserman! (though my co-workers say I look like her...which is a compliment, I think? I'll take it) Allegedly, Ryan Jenkins who was a contestant and alleged finalist on Megan Wants a Millionaire brutally murdered his model ex-wife, stuffed her body in a suitcase, and then hung himself in a Canadian hotel room. Allegedly. Ryan's ex-wife Jasmine Fiore, who unfathomably looks more plastic than Megan, married Ryan in Las Vegas very shortly after meeting him. They divorced 2 months later but were allegedly dating again at the time of the murder. This all took place in the 6 months that have passed since Millionaire wrapped.

When this story started to break about a week ago, I couldn't decide if it was getting so much press because it was legitimately newsworthy, or if it was newsworthy because it involved a "reality star" and a "model". If it was the latter, I feel sad that as a nation we actually consider these people notable celebrities. Is it morbid of me to say that I feel like murders like this happen all the time in local news and it's a bit silly to make such a big deal of this one?

Aside from the whole murder thing, there are so many sad things that this scandal has caused:

-No more Megan Wants a Millionaire. Cancelled. Dunzo. We will never know who won, though rumors say it was TJ (who? idk).

-The completed but unseen third season of I Love Money will remain...unseen. Allegedly (word of the day) Ryan won this hot mess. It also makes me sad to think about all the tools from Millionaire and Daisy of Love who would have been participating in this freak show and all the great footage that must have been filmed that we will never get to rot our minds by watching. VH1 must be scratching their heads in frustration and anger over this loss of programming. Total waste of...well, money.

-I actually thought Ryan was a good catch and predicted him to win Megan Wants a Millionaire. This means I lost the pool, and makes me seriously question my ability to pick the right men. But I guess that's not new news.

If "The Bachelor" doesn't work out...

Frank "The Entertainer", who by this time is bona fide VH1 royalty, is finally getting his own reality show. For those of you who aren't familiar with his sexiness, he is best known for I Love New York 2, I Love Money 1 and 2, and living in his very-Italian parents' basement. The show will be called The Entertainer of Love (because VH1 is very creative) and will follow the typical format of a dozen or so skanks competing for The Entertainer's love. Actually I'm predicting these girls won't be skanky so much as just pure po-dunk white trash, or licensed Jersey guidettes. But sadly enough, I don't actually think The Entertainer is enough of a hot mess or on enough substances for this to show to be all that great. Especially compared to recent gems like Daisy of Love.

I probably shouldn't ever admit this, but I find The Entertainer very sexy. Sure he is bat shizit crazy and a total loser, but his body is bangin and I genuinely think he's pretty hot and would be fun to date. For a hot sec I thought about replying to the casting call for The Entertainer of Love, but then I remembered that two of his past "girlfriends" have been New York and Becky Buckwild and that means he definitely has questionable taste...not to mention The Clap.

We also must remember and respect that The Entertainer is the original reality TV toe-sucker, as shown in an infamous hot tub scene from I Love New York. Noting this, what may actually be a better idea for a reality show is to partner The Entertainer with reality TV's newest toe-sucker, Tanner P of The Bachelorette, and have a show called Who Wants To Marry a Foot-Fetishish? They can have challenges like peeling a banana with your feet, toe-painting, and obvi a "foot-job under the dinner table" competition. Now THAT is more along the lines of what a good VH1 show should be!

Let him entertain me

Am I really weird for saying that I have crush on The Entertainer, originally of "I Love New York 2" fame? Sure he lives in his parent's basement, but hello it's a finished basement. And he's pretty damn sexy. I'd def hit it.

The Entertainer along with 18 other reality-has-beens/amazing people will be staring in "I Love Money 2", premiering January 26, 2009 on VH1. Though I must admit that so far this season's cast isn't shaping up to be as good as season 1's, I'm still very much looking forward to this hot trainwreck mess.