Dear "The Real World"...

Dear The Real World,

Oh how I used to love thee so. Oh how my primary goal in life was once being a cast member on the show. However, I write today to express my disgust in your lack of creativity and to inform you that there are still fun cities out there that you have not yet filmed in.

The 25th season of The Real World is currently being filmed in Las Vegas, making this the third repeat city for the show. Possibly more if you call their BS on "Los Angeles" and "Hollywood" being two different cities. While Vegas is probably my favorite city in the world and will make for great television shenannies, I must point out that this is also technically the third season you have done in Sin City (season 12, and Reunited: The Real World Las Vegas which was 6 episodes so totally counts as a season). That is pathetic.

Have you never heard of such places as Atlanta? St. Louis? Montreal? Phoenix? Even Pittsburgh for cryin out loud? Seriously, Real World producers, get creative. Maybe I am freakin old compared to most of your viewers, but I'm still watching and I can remember far back enough to know that you are running out of ideas and spoon-feeding me the same crap! Granted I'm willingly eating your crap...but I would like some different crap please.

Sick of eating crap,
Megan

P.S. - The cast of the new Real World: Las Vegas includes an actual gay porn star, so this season may be more entertaining than the amateur porn the show usually gives us.

Dear CMAs...

Dear CMAs (or Country Music Association Awards if we're being formal),

I thought you were more respectable than to give sympathy awards. I'm not buying that Taylor Swift deserved to be named Entertainer Of The Year, and breaking all odds to do so. She was the youngest recipient ever, first female winner in almost ten years, and broke Kenny Chesney's almost 5-year monopoly (2008, 2007, 2006, and 2004). All this only months after she was victimized in one of the most talked about pop culture moments of the year by having her thunder stolen by Kanye West at the VMAs. Consider my eyebrows raised.

Also, Darius Rucker winning New Artist Of The Year? Have you never heard of Hootie and the Blowfish, one of the biggest bands of the 90's? Darius Rucker winning this award is the equivalent to if Stevn Tyler were to have really left Aerosmith, started a solo career, and won the Best New Artist Grammy. Ludacris. Plus, apparently Darius was the first African-American to be nominated in like 40 years. I've never been a fan of affirmative action.

Disappointed (except in Carrie Underwood's prettiness),

Megan

It's WAR bitches!

The following is an actual email...the people and events you are about to read about are real.


Attn: Costume Mates, Inc. by Peter Alan

To whom it may concern:

I am deeply disappointed in my purchase of your "adult sized" longsleeve bodysuit (http://www.peter-alan.com/catalog.php?item=1700&catid=Bodywear). I recently purchased this item in black in a size Large for $15 at Halloween Adventure in Manhattan, though somewhat reluctantly after not being allowed to try it on or even view an out-of-package model. I chose your product because it was the only costume bodysuit I could find with a solid, non-snapping crotch, but when I returned home to try on the bodysuit I found that it was made so poorly that I could not even get it on! The overall size seemed sufficient (though certainly not a women's 12-14 as it claims on the package). But as I tried to step into the bodysuit the legholes were so small that they cut off circulation, and I could not get my hips through the neckhole (the only possible means of getting it on because of no zipper or other fastening enclosure). I am a size 6 with skinny legs!! According to your sizing chart I should fit into a Small, two sizes below what I purchased and could not even get onto my body. I expected the product to run small, but never did I expect it to be completely unwearable and a waste of $15. The Halloween Adventure store does not allow returns or exchanges of any kind, so I am now stuck with an unusable piece of fabric and still must spend additional money on a replacement. In the future please take your sizing and shaping practices into consideration, as I know I will be taking this experience (negatively) into consideration before even thinking about purchasing any of your products or allowing any of my friends to do so.

Disappointed,
Megan K

Dear Miley Cyrus...

Dear Miley Cyrus,

If you sing songs about feeling better while listening to OTHER people's music, your music probably doesn't count as real. Yes, I also like to nod my head and move my hips like yea when a Britney or Jay-Z song comes on. But if one is a legitimate musician, shouldn't your own songs have the same effect, or more? Contrary to the fact that it's #1 on iTunes right now, this proves that "Party in the U.S.A." is a sucky song if even you don't want to listen to it when you're out.

Plus everyone knows that you don't wear kicks to The Club, you can learn that just from watching The Hills.

Please go away,

Megan

Dear Forever 21...

Dear Forever 21,

I'm not allowed to try on bathing suits? Really? Yet I can supposedly still return it. Worst policy EVER! So let's say I buy a bathing suit and take it home. NOW how the eff are you going to control what parts of my body do and do not touch the fabric? Bye bye weird little crotch sticker! Now that I'm not under the watchful eye of the security camera all bets are off. You do realize that this bathing suit now may come in direct contact with any number of bodily fluids, after which I can simply replace the creepy sticker and return the suit? (In the interest of good taste and not voming, I won't elaborate) After all, you have to accept the return: it's been less than 21 days, I have the receipt, and the tags are still attached. Gotcha.

Only hell no am I going to buy a bathing suit that I haven't tried on and probably won't fit into anyway! Because let's face it, what bathing suit ever actually fits? Because I would then have to make another trip back to your store, stand in the inevitable longass line, and still only get store credit back because of your lameass return policy.

So sorry Forever 21, because of your stupidity Old Navy got my bathing suit purchase this year. And I hope your bathing suits get cooties.

Disappointed,
Megan

Dear Flo Rida...

Dear Flo Rida,

I thought you were an "artist"? (I use the term loosely) I mean, you had so many thought provoking hit songs such as "Low" and "In the Ayer", but you have truly disappointed me with your latest single, "Right Round".

First of all, covers of this song have so been done before. I'm over it. Originally I believe was by Dead or Alive, then called "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" in 1984. Covers have since been done by such reputable artists as Jessica Simpson, Marilyn Manson, and Dope. Is it creative? No.

Secondly, it is not appropriate to insert sexual lyrics into a song and expect a guaranteed hit. Your lyric "You spin my head right round, right round, when you go down, when you go down down" is hardly classy. Okay, so maybe sexual lyrics do get the public attention, but is this really the message we want to be sending to the kiddies?

So please, do what you should have done a loooong time ago. Just go away. And get your regrettably catchy tunes out of the clubs and out of my head!

Damn you!,
Megan

Dear "Stallionaires"...

Dear "Stallionaires" (Real and Chance...and their brother who looks like Andre 3000),

I know you think you're very tough. I mean, you have an amazing reality show and all, and you managed to survive being in love with New York. But let's talk about your music, as seen on tonight's episode of "A Real Chance at Love". Last time I checked, if you want to be taken seriously as hip hop artists, you might not want your breakout song to sound like something LFO wrote in 1998, complete with lyrics about girls in the summer.

Just a thought.

That being said, where can I cop that shiiiiiit?

Best,
Megan

Dear "High School Musical 3"...

Dear "High School Musical 3",

Nsync called. They want their music video dance scenes back.

Sincerely,
Megan


.....and just for the record I did "not" fight tears during the graduation scene.