Live Blogging: American Idol

So we meet again, American Idol. It's been soooooo long...

8:03pm - We're referring to the contestants as "artists"? HA!

8:04pm - Wtf kind of theme is "most popular downloads on itunes?" That can be basically anything! I hate when they give them basically a free pass with these loosey-goosey themes.

8:07pm - Thank you, Anoop, for an excellent carbon copy karaoke version of Usher. And what's with the shoulder chain? This one should evoke a lot of cliche phrases from the judges...

8:15pm - "Megan Joy" aka Megan COCKery is singing Bob Marley. Get yo lighters up, mon!

8:18pm - Bad hair, bad jewelry, bad singing. Pretty can no longer save this hoe even with the judges.

8:20pm - Although I do kinda want her necklace with the big gold glittery "M" medallion. Except even as I type that I realize how tacky it sounds.

8:28pm - As much as I want to love Danny Gokey singing Rascal Flatts, I'm so not feelin this. But everyone's still gonna vote for this ish anyway.

8:30pm - And the judges love it. Obvi.

8:33pm - Is Allison even playing that guitar? Or are we allowed props now on Idol? Plus you just shouldn't touch No Doubt. Sanjaya taught us that two years ago during the ponyhawk incident.

8:36pm - The judges hate Allison's hair and wardrobe. Her hair does pretty much look like a spikey reverse mullet porcupine thing. Tis the curse of trying to attempt No Doubt! Just don't peoples!

8:43pm - Scott is gonna try something different and "strip things down, make things intimate, just him and the piano" with some Billy Joel. And this is different than what he's been doing for the past two months because...?

8:45pm - And the bad spikey hair gods have also paid a visit to Scott. I'll refrain from the obvious joke. I mean, homeboy looks like Frankenstein.

8:47pm - I was underwhelmed but the judges love it. Guess Blind Guy still ain't goin anywhere.

8:53pm - Is anyone surprised that Ugly Justin is singing "The Fray"? Anyone? Bueller?

8:55pm - And he isn't even doing it justice. Why the screaming, UJ?

8:59pm - Holy pantyline, Lil Rounds! And singing Celine? Really? This ish is painful.

9:02pm - Ryan's back manages to walk in the judges shot. Priceless! Someone's getting fired at Fox tonight.

9:04pm - Aww, Ryan, don't bring the kids into this! And YOU out there, no sympathy votes just because Lil has adorable daughters!

9:09pm - Ohhhh so THAT's why we have this bullshit "most downloaded" theme, so we can do some more blatant product placement for itunes. I'm so disappointed in you, Idol, yet not entirely surprised.

9:11pm - Thankfully the bad hair gods did not strike the god of emo tonight. And he's giving an amazing performance with some amazing pelvic thrusting. That's what we like to see!

9:17pm - So I heard Idol was scheduled to be an hour and twenty minutes tonight. We're still currently in commercial and have one contestant, Paula's ramblings, and clips from the night to go. Good luck with that.

9:21pm - Decent job by Kris Allen, but he needs to tighten up the t-shirt. I don't think anyone is even listening to his vocals anymore, especially when he's showing a bit of man-cleavage.

9:23pm - Good God can Megan please be in the bottom 3 this week? This hoe will probably be there (hopefully) along with Allison and Matt "Ugly Justin" Giraud. If there's any justice left in the world, Megan will go home.

Not your dad's jacket (no offence, Dad)

When I saw this jacket at Forever 21 I'll admit that I hated it at first glance. And second. But by the third glance I started to see some cuteness potential...and not just because it's only $16.50.

I'm not usually the girl who can pull off the tough, edgy, rocker look, but finally I tried the jacket on, got yelled at for trying things on in the middle of the store (I mean helloooooo it's a jacket! I'm not waiting in that long-ass fitting room line), and saw that this could look super sexy unzipped over light dresses and other girly pieces. Also, I've been having a spring jacket dilemma because my current lightweight trench falls to almost my knees and thus is hella unflattering with flats. Problemo solved with barely a dent in the bank account! Please stick with the grey or taupe though, we don't need more wannabe scene kids running around the city in swishy bright yellow jackets.

Admittedly outerwear is expensive so at this price don't expect to be trekking through the Arctic tundra in this baby, but on a crisp spring day you'll feel warm and pretty damn cute...if not even a lil bad ass!

Reality whores strike again

Everyone keeps coming up to me telling me about this dumb slut from last Thursday's episode of The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo and how funny she is...as if I haven't seen it. Please, bitches, you're working with the master. Yes, Cara Quici is dumb and hilarious on Millionaire, but I'll one up ya. Cara has been whoring herself out on reality tv for some time now, notably as a reject on NBC's recent train wreck, Mama's Boys. I mean, this hoe is quickly making her way to Megan Hauserman level. If you haven't experienced Cara bringing her charm and grace to basic cable then just watch this hot mess:

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

At least she finally got a date...

Let me tell you 'bout my best friend...

People have been buzzing about the coolest new resident of New York, Sad Panda. He's been spotted a lot recently on the downtown streets and subways carrying his Duane Reade bag and being pretty much the coolest guy ever! He even won Dlisted's Hot Slut of the Day! I totes wanna be BFFs with Sad Panda. He already hangs out in my hood in the FiDi and just seems like an all around stand up guy. He rides the subway so you know he isn't stuck up like those Polar Bitches. I think we'd have many enjoyable afternoons walking around Battery Park, haggling for fake Coach bags, maybe hit up Century 21. *Harry Nilsson singing in the background* Then we can go back to my apartment, listen to a lil Dashboard Confessional, paint each other's nails black, drink some Andre, and then if our emotions can still handle it pop in my Garden State DVD. But c'mon, he's Sad Panda, of course his emotions can handle it! So, SP, if you're reading this and looking for a friend, txt me.

Indie Moment: "The Great Buck Howard"

While my much more sophisticated friend Alex was in town last weekend we spontaneously caught an indie film at the Algeika Theatre, and while The Great Buck Howard probably isn't going to be winning any Oscars anytime soon, it was quite enjoyable. This movie tells the story of a young man (Colin Hanks) who goes through somewhat of a quarter-life-crisis, drops out of law school, and takes a job as a road manager/personal assistant for a washed up magician, excuse me, "mentalist" (John Malkovich).

Produced by Tom Hanks's company, Playtone, the thing that really makes this movie special is the restrained humor and the strong cast which happens to include a laundry list of some of my favs. Colin Hanks stars and has been on my "to-do" list since Orange County, though admittedly, his characters in each movie are very similar. The cast also includes Steve Zahn, Emily Blunt (who gets to have sexy time with C. Hanks...lucky biotch), and obvi a cameo by Daddy Hanks. Lesser known hottie Adam Scott plays a small but entertaining role and makes me want to see a lot more of him in the future ifyouknowwhati'msayin.

Another interesting aspect of this movie is the overall sense of time and location. In the same style as movies like Napoleon Dynamite, this movie takes place in present day America but feels like fifteen years in the past based on the fashion, decor, and depiction of American society. Whether intentional or not, this element is confusing yet enjoyable.

Though admittedly not cinematically groundbreaking, The Great Buck Howard is certainly an enjoyable movie that made me smile and chuckle, and it would behoove us all to make the extra effort to go to the indie theatres to check out.

Live Blogging: American Idol

8:01pm - Why are the judges holding hands as they walk out? Ew. And "shocking elimination of Alexis Grace last week"? Who was shocked, the conspiring producers?

8:06pm - Motown Week. Holy Botox, Smokey Robinson!

8:09pm - Ugly Justin starts us off tonight. Sorry, still don't want to "get it on" with you.

8:13pm - Matt G a front runner? Ehhh I wouldn't go that far.

8:20pm - Kris "Eye Candy" Allen is obvi super hot but boring and forgettable. My God I sound like Simon. Homeboy needs to give America what they want and sex it up a bit!

8:29pm - Do you think Scott even realizes how little his outfit matches?

8:33pm - Thank you, Scott, for another boring performance behind the piano. Yay for the awkward backup singers!

8:35pm - Please tell me I'm not seeing the bulge I think I am in Blind Guy's too-tight pink pants...

8:39pm - Does anyone understand why Paula just gave Simon crayons and a coloring book? And did Ryan really just ask Scott how he knew he was wearing pink pants? Not that I wasn't thinking the same thing, but I just didn't know you were allowed to say shit like that on television.

8:44pm - Has Megan Corkery like totes dropped her last name now? Guess it's just "Megan Joy" now. Must be her old stripper name.

8:46pm - And what is this hot mess of a vocal performance? So this season's Kristy Lee Cook...but sluttier.

8:55pm - Anoop is also delivering one hot mess of a performance...but in a weirdly sexy way. But homeboy def needs to do something about those brows.

8:58pm - Did Paula change rings during the commercial break? For reals, she had on some shiny golfball before and switched to some black shiny cockroach looking thing. Watch the tape you know I'm right, bitches!

8:59pm - How the hell did the judges actually think that was a good performance? Conspiracy!

9:08pm - Go back to drilling oil, Oil Man! You don't belong here! And wtf is that hideous gold choker with a dog tag? Where do they even find these people? GOSH!

9:18pm - Everything else on this show has been a hot mess, but Lil Rounds's shoes during her one-on-one with Smokey are FIERCE!

9:20pm - This is Lil Rounds's week. Girlfriend is turnin it out!

9:24pm - Wtf with the negativity, Randy, Kara, and Simon? I thought the judges would be creaming their pants over this shiz. Conspiracy!

9:32pm - The god of eyeliner is channeling Zefron in "Hairspray" with the look...that's hot.

9:34pm - Simply amazing. No one can touch the Lambert. Don't even TRY to argue with me on this.

9:44pm - The Gokster...lookin good! And love the dance moves with the backup singers. A lil cheese never hurt anyone.

9:51pm - Allison (who I tend to forget even exists), what's up with the mumbling? At least it'll cover her ass if she forgets the words because she's not even SAYING words!

9:54pm - ...AND Paula has a drawn on mustache. It's officially time for this night to end.

9:59pm - So I'll put out my predictions which are sure to be wrong...Bottom 3: Megan Joy, Allison, and Oil Man, with Oil Man going home? Ehhh why do I even try? Just vote Lambert!

Tour de Lafayette

Pravda
SoHo
281 Lafayette Street (between Houston and Prince Streets)
New York, NY 10012
212-226-4944
www.pravdany.com

Follow the red light into Pravda, but don't expect any smutty shenanigans in here. Pravda provides a laid-back, slightly sexy European feel, but an all but non-existent pickup scene. Come with friends to enjoy the wide range of international and infused vodkas, amazing Martinis (especially the "French"), and cute bartenders. That is, if you can actually push your way to the bar. Pravda gets pretty crowded on weekends with very little standing room, and tables are a hot commodity and not for those who wish to drink at a leisurely pace. Still, the atmosphere is truly unique, so come prepared to spend the evening on your feet being jostled...just not by any friendly strangers.
Rating: 3 stars


Puck Fair
SoHo
298 Lafayette Street (at Houston Street)
New York, NY 10012
212-431-1200
www.puckfairbarnyc.com

Irish bars are a dime a dozen in New York, but Puck Fair is by far one of the better ones. I'll put it out there, it's even far superior to its sister bars Ulysses and Swift. Named after one of the oldest street festivals in the Emerald Isle, this tri-level bar stays true to its roots in decor, libations, and overall good times and good people. The mural above the bar on the main level is quite impressive with images of Irish life and sheet music for folk songs. Puck's "Fare" (yes, they went there, don't laugh at the messenger) is of the traditional Irish variety, and the patrons and staff are just as friendly and social as those you would expect in the countryside pub of your daydreams. My night at Puck Fair is filled with fond but hazy memories, and I blame it on the extensive and ever changing selection of beers including everything from international seasonal brews to the ole standbys of Guinness and Bud Light. If you're coming with a group try to procure one of the semi-private wooden nooks, some of which are adjacent to the bar and thus eliminate standing up to refill...perfect for us Irish lasses who would prefer to rest our feet while we drink ourselves giddy!
Rating: 4 stars

Crave-of-the-Mo: Rose gold bracelet

A few months ago I was introduced to one of the most unique pieces of jewelry I've seen in awhile, the Jules Smith Infinity Lock bracelet. Jules Smith is a jewelry line designed by Gina Nigrelli and a fav of celebs like Eva Longoria, Blake Lively and more. The pieces are mostly made from classic metals, yet feature fun, quirky shapes. The Infinity Lock comes in three hues of metals, and the one that really stuck out to me was the rose gold vermeil ($180). The rose gold is a beautiful and unexpected twist that sure to become the next huge jewelry trend. I've been searching in every little hole in the wall jewelry shop from the Garment District to SoHo (you know the ones, they usually feature "buy one get one 50% off" sales and a wall full of bad fake designer bags) for a rose (non)gold bracelet of somewhat substantial weight but have not found ANYTHING! I even pushed my way through the stalls of Canal Street this weekend with no luck. I neeeeeeed it, help meeeee!

"I Love You, Man": Deeper than one may think

The latest blockbuster comedy I Love You, Man, starring Jason Segal and under-appreciated hottie Paul Rudd, is not just another guy movie full of fart jokes and excessive drinking. Believe me, it contains its share of poo and bodily fluids, but there are actually many more heartwarming moments and real-life glimpses into the art of friendship than this movie's creators want you to realize.

No question about it, this movie is funny. The humor level lives up to expectations, but with more intelligence and genuine surprising moments thrown in. But in reality, the plot of this movie is no laughing matter: as a grown-ass adult, it's hard to make new friends!

I Love You, Man chronicles Peter's (Rudd) quest to find new male friends and a suitable best man for his pending nuptials, upon realizing that he has gone through life with only female friends. While watching his many awkward moments and misunderstandings, I really feel for this guy. How do you seek out new friends post-college...without coming off as a creeper? No longer having a forced social network, it's not as easy to platonically exchange phone numbers with someone new. Asking someone on a date seems like a cake walk when compared to asking a new gal pal to grab coffee for the first time. I've found myself in clubs somehow or another dancing, laughing, and probably drunkenly grinding with a group of really fun girls (albeit total strangers), but feeling too nervous to even simply say "Hey what's your number? Let's go do this again." Talking with other existing friends I've found that most people echo my sentiments, so chances are the strangers you randomly have a good time with would also not mind officially adding YOU to their phone book and arsenal of friends.

So let's take a lesson from I Love You, Man, put ourselves out there, and not be afraid to set up those seemingly scary friend-dates!

There goes that theory...

The rumor that the final 4 of American Idol were already pre-chosen was proven false this week when Alexis Grace was eliminated from the competition. Alexis even had an opportunity to "sing for her life" and win the judges' one free pass that they're allowed to hand out this season, which would have given the judges an opportunity to veto the public vote and "uphold the producers' wishes", but no such luck for Miss Grace.

Call me naive, but I refuse to believe that Idol, or any reality show for that matter, is fixed. It would simply crush my girlish hopes and dreams and defeat the purpose of getting carpal tunnel from dialing to vote for two straight hours. Reality TV is real dammit!

I always knew she was a lil "short-bus"

Project Runway season 5 second runner up Kenley Collins was arrested for assault, criminal possession of a weapon, and harassment on Tuesday after allegedly attacking her ex-fiance with a laptop, water, several apples (the food, different from the laptop), and HER CAT.

Question: Where is the actual weapon? This bitch is too dumb to even put up a decent fight. She took a lesson from the book of Rock of Love/Charm School's Dallas and resorted to throwing apples at people's heads. Who knew we needed Charm School: Project Runway? This actually may be a genius idea. Round up Santino, Jeffrey and Wendy, and get Tim Gunn in on this ish as the headmaster!

I have no sympathy for Kenley. You mouth off to Tim Gunn and you are dead in my book. Karma's a bitch, biotch!

I smell new HBO series

Having never actually experienced any of her works in their original book form, I figured I should read Candace Bushnell's latest release One Fifth Avenue before it became the TV show or movie du jour. Ya know, so I could have some street cred. This novel chronicles the stories of the residents of a prestigious Manhattan apartment building and explores how their lives are unavoidably woven, in and out of the co-op.

Though One Fifth Avenue is undeniably chick-lit, don't expect all romance, fluff and Louis Vuitton bags. This novel has several qualities a-typical of the genre such as the lack of a mid-twenties girl posse as the focal characters. On the contrary, the only character who fits this description is the beautiful and conniving Lola Fabrikant who instead of dining with girlfriends at Butter and fervently working on her PR career spends the entire book heartlessly chasing after multiple wealthy men and avoiding work at all costs, thus making her easily the book's least likeable character.

The focus on the ensemble cast, most of who are in their forties and above, gives the book a mature and more intelligent feel than one may expect. One of the most likeable characters is art enthusiast/guru to all things fabulous Billy Litchfield, who sits uncomfortably in the middle class while befriending One Fifth's wealthy residents. Billy's charm and genuine affection for the high-society females is endearing, and though obviously homosexual, the fact that Bushnell doesn't feel the need to constantly shove Billy's gayness down the reader's throat and turn him into a stereotype is refreshing.

Though this novel has the hooking power to keep me awake late at night trying to squeeze in just one more chapter, my main criticism is that in one way or another most of the main characters (save for possibly hedge-funder Paul Rice) seem to be in a good place at the close of the story. Though one character tragically suffers an early death, they were at their most carefree and completely in their element at the time of passing. Even Lola and the persnickety and dull Mindy Gooch eventually get what they want, though not necessarily through the means they expected. One Fifth Avenue may not have the sass of Sex and the City, but it certainly hooks the reader, tells an intricate and enjoyable story, and smartly leaves the door open for further projects dealing with these interesting and diverse characters.

Live Blogging: American Idol

Before we begin, I'd just like to note that I saw last week's castoff, Jorge Nunez, doing interviews at my place of work today. Homeboy was staring wide-eyed like a kid in a candy store and is clearly just amazed to be in Amer-i-ca.

8:00pm - Damn Adam Lambert is looking fierrrrce tonight! *claps like an idoit*

8:01pm - Shamrock projections, Irish music, and green lights? No they are not...

8:04pm - Very few weeks make me more excited than country week. Except Broadway week. Unfortunately Simon put the stop on that one circa season 4. Let the HOE-down begin!

8:08pm - Wtf is this interesting mic squeeze and bromance with the harmonica player that Oil Man (Michael Sarver) has going on? He looks way too comfortable squeezing cylindrical objects.

8:10pm - Who dressed Kara in a silver latex Hefty bag? And 2002 called, they want their necklace back.

8:12pm - Oil Man is starting to look hot...I must really need to get some.

8:20pm - Allison Ira-whatever is good, thank goodness she ditched the Avril look tonight.

8:23pm - Randy Travis is more than a tad creepy. And has a mis-shapen head. Awkward winking at Kris "Please just take your shirt off" Allen.

8:25pm - Go ahead cameraman, keep showing that close up of Kris that shows his wedding-ringed hand. Remind us what we cannot have. *Swoon*

8:27pm - Simon likes it? Wtf? I thought I just liked Kris because I wanna bang it out. I didn't realize he was actually talented too. Score!

8:34pm - Lil Rounds: For not being into country, way to pick a song that's just about as country as you can get, "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. Good job with that one. This is going to be a hot mess.

8:36pm - ...and it is.

8:39pm - Simon messed up this bitch's name, calling her "Little". And he does NOT have to apologize for it!

8:41pm - The god of eyeliner, emo, tears, and self tanning is up next!!! And besides being fabulous, he's pretty good at music too.

8:46pm - Randy Travis is obvi not haps with Adam Lambert's middle-eastern version of "Ring of Fire".

8:47pm - Adam Lambert, stop seducing me with your eyes and soft melodic voice. I'm well aware that I have no chance of getting with this.

8:58pm - Excuse my un-PC-ness, but why is the blind guy still here?

9:02pm - Randy and others, you haven't seen "those hot crazy unbelievable" vocals from Scott because he doesn't have them! You let him through this far just because he's blind!!! (Omg every discrimination organization can just come and arrest me right now, I probably deserve it.)

9:10pm - Remember in the first round of auditions when Alexis Grace was mad boring and kinda white trash-ish, and the judges told her to come back with some sass/personality? Think she just put a pink streak in her hair, did a smokey eye, and sat back saying "I'm edgy now, right?"

9:19pm - Please tell me Danny Gokey is not going to attempt to sing Carrie Underwood. This makes me sad for him and for Carrie. And why is he wearing a winter coat indoors...in LA?

9:23pm - Yet the judges like it. Conspiracy! Paula's probably sleeping with him...and if she's not, she should certainly try. And thank you, Simon, for calling him out on the jacket.

9:32pm - What is it with Anoop-Dog and hoodies? I thought they had stylists up in this ish? At least he's rocking some manly argyle this time around and not gym class worthy bright blue.

9:36pm - And apparently Anoop-Dog is back in the HOUSE! I think that's left to be seen.

9:42pm - Megan Joy Corkery (who like most Megans on reality tv, brings disgrace to the name) certainly likes to dress for the occasion. Last week she dressed like a slutty robin and this week she dressed like an old-west prostitute.

9:44pm - But the bitch is hot and can kinda sing.

9:45pm - Coughing for votes?

9:52pm - Oh great, Matt Giraud aka Ugly-Justin is giving us another wonderful rendition of a Carrie Underwood song. Do you think they forced a minimum number of people to lay homage to our former Idol?

9:54pm - Ehhh, it actually wasn't so bad.

9:56pm - "Matt Buble". Haha funny joke, Ryan.

9:59pm - Annnnnd I get ready to dial 866-idols-05 for the God of Egyptian Eyeliner Fabulousness. Bottom 3 prediction: Blind Guy, "Little" Rounds, and Megan Joy. Going home: With no affirmative action figured in, Blind Guy. See you next Tuesday bitches! (And don't hate on me for calling it like it is!)

Cosmo Bachelor Search time y'all!

It's that magical time of year when we all get to objectify our sexy, single, male friends as pieces of meat and nominate them to be one of Cosmopolitan magazine's bachelors of the year! All kidding aside, Cosmo has been running their Bachelor Search for about five years now and it's a pretty cool thing. Girls nominate their eligible male friends, co-workers, brothers, neighbors, sons, etc, and Cosmo picks one guy from every state to profile in the magazine. The 50 chosen ones also get to come to New York for a day of being paraded around the city as the sexiest guys in the land and a huge party at night. It's fun times and I'm not gonna lie, there's usually no shortage of shenanigans and hookups at the party (not that I'd personally ever do something like that...). Personality counts, but we're looking for hotness as you must submit a face shot AND a full body shirtless pic...obvi. For more info and to nominate a guy, go to www.cosmopolitan.com/bachelors.

OMFG it's backkkkk!

After over a month on hiatus, "Gossip Girl" returns tonight with new episodes on the CW. Thank goodness, because the image of Dan Humphrey and the teacher getting it on at the end of the last episode has been teasing me for weeks and I can't wait to see if they continue their illicit sexy time. I really hope they do, because that was one hot scene and the teacher/student scenario has been a naughty fantasy of mine for quite some time. I mean, just try to tell me that scene didn't make you tingle a lil. Either that, or I'm just a dirty old woman. Whatever the case, I'm just glad to finally have a lil GG back in my life.

British fashion invasion...finally

Employers, be suspicious if your young and fabulous female employees take an early lunch on April 2, because 11am this day marks the long awaited opening of Top Shop. The SoHo New York location (478 Broadway at Broome Street) of British fashion mecca Top Shop will mark the chain's first USA opening. Us New York girls have been watching and drooling in anticipation for over a year as this massive storefront underwent construction and numerous delayed opening dates (originally scheduled for November 2008). Luckily, Top Shop has a full week of specials planned to open with a bang and make their American debut worth the wait. They'll be offering free in-store pampering from Make Up For Ever, Woodley & Bunny salon, and Valley NYC spa, along with notable live DJs, vacation giveaways, limited edition t-shirts, and personal Style Advisor shopping sessions. Details are at topshop.com and will be available in store, but I'm predicting a line around the block starting at dawn on opening day and other general craziness and excitement, so get there early and with patience.

Hot off the press...

Poco Bar
East Village
33 Avenue B (at 3rd Street)
New York, NY 10009
212-228-4661

In a town where new and re-opened bars pop up every day, Poco Bar breaks onto the scene with only a whisper, but makes a huge impression. For being open less than a week, Poco has already developed a unique vibe with a slightly Spanish feel, a hint of mystery and sexiness, yet all the comfort of your local tavern. The staff are extremely welcoming from the attractive and conversational bar staff to the Saturday night DJ who spun amazing dance music and mingled with the crowd asking for requests. Take advantage of their tapas menu and the delish red or white sangria, served fresh even on a busy Saturday night. A downstairs dance lounge is scheduled to open within a month which will solidify the currently laid back Poco Bar as having the best of both worlds and put it on the fast track to becoming a staple of East Village nightlife.
Rating: 5 stars

Dear Forever 21...

Dear Forever 21,

I'm not allowed to try on bathing suits? Really? Yet I can supposedly still return it. Worst policy EVER! So let's say I buy a bathing suit and take it home. NOW how the eff are you going to control what parts of my body do and do not touch the fabric? Bye bye weird little crotch sticker! Now that I'm not under the watchful eye of the security camera all bets are off. You do realize that this bathing suit now may come in direct contact with any number of bodily fluids, after which I can simply replace the creepy sticker and return the suit? (In the interest of good taste and not voming, I won't elaborate) After all, you have to accept the return: it's been less than 21 days, I have the receipt, and the tags are still attached. Gotcha.

Only hell no am I going to buy a bathing suit that I haven't tried on and probably won't fit into anyway! Because let's face it, what bathing suit ever actually fits? Because I would then have to make another trip back to your store, stand in the inevitable longass line, and still only get store credit back because of your lameass return policy.

So sorry Forever 21, because of your stupidity Old Navy got my bathing suit purchase this year. And I hope your bathing suits get cooties.

Disappointed,
Megan

Dark Room=not as sexy as it sounds

Dark Room
Lower East Side
165 Ludlow Street (b/w Houston and Stanton Streets)
New York, NY 10002
212-353-0536

Is it an indie lounge? Is it a club? Dark Room itself seems to not know, and neither do I. After walking down an almost-hidden concrete staircase and entering this basement bar, I was left feeling confused and underwhelmed at Dark Room's general vibe, or lack there of. Admittedly drinks are cheap, but the bar is dark (shocker) and under-decorated with diner-esque leather booths and scarily low ceilings. The music is good by "credible" standards if not predictable in terms of mainstream indie rock (think MGMT, Ting Tings, M.I.A.), and would be much appreciated in a laid back bar as compliment to catching up with friends. However, actual conversation is next to impossible at Dark Room as the DJ seems to have missed the memo that he's not exactly spinning dance music, and thus should turn the volume down about 50 decibels. Drunken wannabe indie girls awkwardly dance anyway, and guys seem more than happy to watch them gyrate to the latest dope beats from Feist. However, for the rest of us standing around not knowing whether to join in the forced fun or down our cheap beers and bounce, Dark Room is just one hot mess.
Rating: 1.5 stars

Celeb Sighting

Spotted: Haley Joel Osment gallivanting about with a few pals Sunday afternoon on Broadway in NoHo, near NYU where he currently takes class. This diminutive actor could certainly stand to lose a few pounds and have an image makeover. At no more than 5'7" and sloppily dressed in a baggy hoodie, no one would ever peg this passer-by as a former Hollywood A-lister if not looking closely.

Lindsay's girlfriend's sister's discount fashion line...

...better known as I Heart Ronson by Charlotte Ronson. Yes, of THOSE Ronsons. Charlotte's regular fashion line has been out for a few years and is actually very moderately priced considering she shows in The Tents at New York fashion week, and now Charlotte has recently launched a discount line at JCPenney! Some other designers have tried lines at this store, but in my opinion I Heart Ronson is the first line that really works, and has kinda revived JCPenney as an acceptable store at which to shop. During a trip home to PA last week I went to the mall to check out the line in person and loved it! Ronson's discount line (and when I say discount I mean DISCOUNT) is full of sporty chic pieces starting at just $15! My pick is this super cute striped tunic with a bow detail for only $30...or less if you catch one of JCPenney's many sales. Wear it with Charlotte's $15 leggings...not her sister's girlfriend's $150 ones. Y'all know who I'm talking about...

BTdubs, for us New York girls I believe a JCPenney is scheduled to open in Manhattan Mall this summer. Suck up your snobbery and check it out.