Do, Dump, or Marry: The Glee boys

The rules: You have three choices of men of debatable equal caliber. Pick one to "do", one to "dump" and one to "marry". Must pick one and only one for each category, no cop-outs.

The hottie pool: The incredibly hot cast of Glee. (l-r) Cory Monteith as Finn, Matthew Morrison as Mr. Schuester, and Mark Salling as Puck. They're all sexy, they can all sing, it's a tough battle which may possibly only be able to be settled with a dance-off.


Do: Mark Salling. This picture does not do the abs justice. They are rock hard and there is at least a 6-pack going on. Plus he totally has the bad boy thing going on, and his character likes to bed cougars. Homeboy is probably dynamite in the sack.

Dump: Cory Monteith, though it kills me to have to "dump" any of the Glee boys. Sure Finn is hot and all, but if we're being honest with ourselves he's a little boring and doesn't do "I have so many emotions and can't decide between sports and singing" quite as well as Zac Efron. Plus, a 27-year-old playing a 17-year-old is not so sexy.

Marry: Matthew Morrison. Handsome, great smile, sexy body, and wholesome family man all rolled into one. He's the guy you can take home to mom, yet still can't wait to rip his clothes off. I'm also a total sucker for curly hair. Matthew definitely has the best singing voice and let's be honest, that's what really matters in a husband, right?


Leave your choices in the comments!

War is over

Just wanted to set the record straight, some people actually have heard of customer service. After my bitchy email, Costume Mates by Peter Alan sent me a new bodysuit which is proportioned much better. Thank you! So I'll just blame the assholes at Halloween Adventure for all these shenanigans, because I am still mad at them as a store.

Why does Halloween have to be so damn stressful?!?

He's so pretty

The cover art for Adam Lambert's upcoming debut album For Your Entertainment has been released, and quite frankly I hate it. I love me some Glambert, but this cover is some horrible concoction of Scissor Sisters meets Xanadu gone wrong. It also feels a little too airbrushed and not quite raw enough to capture the essence of Adam. Everything is just so glossy and perfect. I like a man who knows his way around a stick of eyeliner, but when a guy does his makeup better than I do that's a problem.

That being said, I wouldn't kick him out of bed. And I'm definitely looking forward to the musics!

It's WAR bitches!

The following is an actual email...the people and events you are about to read about are real.


Attn: Costume Mates, Inc. by Peter Alan

To whom it may concern:

I am deeply disappointed in my purchase of your "adult sized" longsleeve bodysuit (http://www.peter-alan.com/catalog.php?item=1700&catid=Bodywear). I recently purchased this item in black in a size Large for $15 at Halloween Adventure in Manhattan, though somewhat reluctantly after not being allowed to try it on or even view an out-of-package model. I chose your product because it was the only costume bodysuit I could find with a solid, non-snapping crotch, but when I returned home to try on the bodysuit I found that it was made so poorly that I could not even get it on! The overall size seemed sufficient (though certainly not a women's 12-14 as it claims on the package). But as I tried to step into the bodysuit the legholes were so small that they cut off circulation, and I could not get my hips through the neckhole (the only possible means of getting it on because of no zipper or other fastening enclosure). I am a size 6 with skinny legs!! According to your sizing chart I should fit into a Small, two sizes below what I purchased and could not even get onto my body. I expected the product to run small, but never did I expect it to be completely unwearable and a waste of $15. The Halloween Adventure store does not allow returns or exchanges of any kind, so I am now stuck with an unusable piece of fabric and still must spend additional money on a replacement. In the future please take your sizing and shaping practices into consideration, as I know I will be taking this experience (negatively) into consideration before even thinking about purchasing any of your products or allowing any of my friends to do so.

Disappointed,
Megan K

I like shiny

Sequins are shaping up to be a huge trend for this fall, and I welcome it with open arms! In honor of last week's Cosmo Challenge to take a flashy fashion risk and wear sequins, I decided to embrace my (possibly unhealthy) love of all things shiny and inventory the sequined items in my wardrobe. The results show that perhaps I've gone a bit overboard, especially since many of the items were purchased before the current heyday of sequins. I stand by the fact that all of the below are fabulous on their own...but mixing too many could be literally blinding.

1. Black cardigan with sequined stripes. Actually very practical!

2. Gold wife-beater tank top fully covered in sequins. Wore to a Spice Girls concert during last year's reunion tour...perhaps the only place it's appropriate.

3. Three sequined headbands (black, silver, and gold). Purchased recently after losing a previous black sequined headband awhile back while traveling.

4. Headband with ginormous black sequined bow. Purchased for upcoming TBA Halloween costume and will never be worn again. (that's a lie)

5. Gold scarf/headband with tightly concentrated sequins on the ends which gradually become sporadic towards the middle.

6. Silver/black sequined breast place necklace

7. Grey sweater-dress with scattered silver sequins at top and bottom. Wore on my b-day 2008/the night Barack Obama won the Presidential election. Proving it's a good thing. (pictured at right)

8. Magenta tank top with sequined straps, neckline, and empire waist trim. Legitimately looks like something you wore as a dance costume in 3rd grade. Was worn once 5 years ago during a cast party and will probably never be worn again. *sniff sniff*

9. Magenta tank top with vertical silver sequin stripe down the middle. Completely different from #9.

10. Teal tank top with gold sequins at the top and bottom, plus hints of gold glitter. Wore on my 21st bday, 2005. Very Jersey-Shore-tastic. (pictured at left, vintage 2006 shot)

11. Green tank top with gold sequins at the neckline. Completely different from #11...

12. Teal dress almost completely covered in sequins. Was the ish back in 2005 but now kinda reminds me of a mermaid.

13. Brown velor tracksuit with gold sequin trim on the zipper and down the leg. This is where it starts to get tragic (or did it already?)

14. Sea-green tank top with butterflies made out of silver sequins, circa 2004. Officially vom-ing in my mouth. Possibly time for a closet clean-out.

And two recent purchases that I justified after learning of the trend (but now may be re-thinking...):

15. Purple draped tunic-top with sequins on the shoulder (Forever 21, $19.80)

16. Navy blue one-shoulder top with cascading gold and blue sequins (F21, $22.80)

The debatable shame of this experiment has made me very glad I'd previously parted with a gold sequined slouchy purse (purchased at the Jersey Shore, obvi) and a gold sequined stretchy belt. My name is Megan, and I'm a sequin-a-holic.

Hi, Megan...

What ever happened to...customer service?

Headline brought to you by She By Sheree.

Made the dreaded trip to the Halloween Adventure store (11th and Broadway) today to pick up the last piece for my Halloween costume, a black bodysuit. The store was out of control packed with peepz, but that was to be expected. What endued between an employee and I, however, was not pretty:

Me: (holds up the one bodysuit that was out of the package to gauge the size)
Employee: (swoops in out of nowhere) "You can't open that!"
Me: "This one was already open."
Employee: "Doesn't matter, give it to me."
Me: "But I was just..."
Employee: (grabs the bodysuit from my hand) "Can't do that."
Me: "I can't look at at bodysuit for 2 seconds that was laying here ALREADY OPEN to see the size?"
Employee: "No." (storms off with bodysuit)

Um, it wasn't like I was trying on the bodysuit in the middle of the store or rubbing lady juices all over the crotch. Heaven forbid my fingers touch the shoulder of their cheap merchandise. I would have left right then and there, but of course Halloween Adventure is the only Halloween store in the city that carries adult-sized bodysuits without snaps on the crotch (trust me, I've checked). Happy Halloween, ASSHOLES!

I seeeeee you...

The Hills - MTV Shows

The new season of The Hills: Heidi and Spencer + Kristin - LC has been underway for about a month with predictably not much real dramz to report. So thankfully we had a reality tv crasher in last night's episode! Go to about the 6:50 mark in the video above to the moment where we get a lovely shot and title caption of Brent Bolthouse and his nose (they forgot to give his nose its own caption). Stealing the thunder in the left of Bolthouse's moment is none other than TOM GREEN! Who let him in? Didn't they get the memo that he's so dunzo? I kid, I actually adore Tom Green, and let it be known that he was robbed on The Celebrity Apprentice. Robbed I tell you!

Almost outshining Tom Green in this episode was Holly Montag and her "alcohol problem". Looks to me like homegirl was just having a good time woooo! It must suck to get a supporting role in a scripted reality show, and then be scripted as the token alcoholic. And then get called out on it by Stephanie "DUI" Pratt. Pot meet kettle. At least this may open an opportunity for Holly to do Celebrity Rehab and add a third reality show to her resume, which would make her a hell of a lot more accomplished than these other biotches.

I enjoy my vampires tongue-in-cheek

I am a huge baby when it comes to horror movies, haunted houses, spooky noise cassettes, people saying "boo" and basically anything else that could be considered remotely scary. Which made me wonder if I was in my right mind to sit through the upcoming movie Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (released October 23). One can clearly tell from previews that this movie is effin weird, and it lives up to that expectation while also being really effin funny and thankfully not all that effin scary. The lighthearted tone and campy humor make this movie refreshing and bearable for total self-proclaimed wimps like myself. Finally I think I'm catching onto this whole vampire craze!

The "plot" of the movie centers around a high school boy played by Robert-Pattinson-in-training Chris Massoglia (he's only 17 so I'll withhold my smutty thoughts) who makes a deal with an aging vampire/freak show performer (John C. Reilly) to become half-vampire and serve as his personal assistant in exchange for saving his miscreant best friend from a deadly mythical spider bite. Kinda Twilight meets The Devil Wears Prada. There's also something about a war and destiny and falling in puppy-love with Monkey-Girl (complete with highly inappropriate and disturbing tail popping up metaphors). Confused? It really doesn't matter. This movie is written for pre-Twilight fans and aging sci-fi perverts so the intellectual level is pretty low, you'll catch on.

What the movie lacks in compelling or intelligible plot, it makes up for in characters, humor, and overall coolness. Standouts include Evra The Snake Boy who's so over this freak show thing and just wants to be an angsty emo singer, and Salma Hayek as the sexy bearded lady (hey, she has amazing eye makeup and bags John C. Reilly, that has to count for something). One of the "Little People" has a Dobby The House Elf-like endearing quality that makes me melt, but from what I've read on Cirque du Freak message boards this is a gross misrepresentation of the Little People (this was originally a book series yo!).

But now that I've been to Cirque du Freak message boards I may as well just get some D&D cards and a hooded snuggie and forget about any chance of a normal social life.

Nice shtick...now cut the crap

Arlo & Esme
East Village
42 East 1st Street (b/w 1st and 2nd Avenues)
New York, NY 10003
212-777-5617
www.arloandesme.com

Allegedly there has been good buzz surrounding Arlo & Esme lately, but after visiting I have no idea why. Their shtick is that this coffee shop by day turns into a club/lounge by night, which is clearly the most original concept ever...*sarcasm*. They even have a game room with a pool table and video games to remind guests that Arlo & Esme is quirky and oh so original. Though this place is overcrowded with boring people, somewhere along the line Arlo & Esme got the impression that they're a big deal and justified making patrons wait in line and pay a cover charge. Trust me, I don't even love paying cover at a hot club which this place is not. Though the downstairs portion plays decent music and has an interesting basement/dungeon decor, no dancing occurs (except for a few awkward drunken tools) due to the lack of space and magnitude of egos. Look around Arlo & Esme, in case you didn't notice this is the East Village where there are no sticks in asses.
Rating: 1.5 stars

Get the blues

I get bored easily with traditional nail colors (as showcased by spending most of the summer with neon yellow nails). Well, I've found my new obsession for fall in the form of blue nails, more specifically a very dark navy, or "Indigo" as is the official name of my current shade. Forever 21 has recently been stepping up their beauty game, and I came across this amazing nailpolish there from LA Girl Flare (only $2.80!). Photos do not do this color justice. I rocked it during Fashion Week and got tons of compliments from fashionistas and guys alike...no easy feat for a nail color (or anything) to be both guy-hot and girl-hot. This shade could go really wrong really fast so a few tips for blue nails:

• Pick a dark shade with just enough blue so that it doesn't look black.
• Find a shade you like and take it to your manicurist, non-traditional colors need a perfect manicure to work. In other words: don't try this at home, kids.
• Use a glossy top coat and a matte polish. NO METALLICS OR GLITTER!
• Keep the nails medium length. Too short looks childish, too long looks vampy.
• At the first sign of chipping...abort mission. Time to get out the polish remover.

Dear Miley Cyrus...

Dear Miley Cyrus,

If you sing songs about feeling better while listening to OTHER people's music, your music probably doesn't count as real. Yes, I also like to nod my head and move my hips like yea when a Britney or Jay-Z song comes on. But if one is a legitimate musician, shouldn't your own songs have the same effect, or more? Contrary to the fact that it's #1 on iTunes right now, this proves that "Party in the U.S.A." is a sucky song if even you don't want to listen to it when you're out.

Plus everyone knows that you don't wear kicks to The Club, you can learn that just from watching The Hills.

Please go away,

Megan