Proving once again that dorks are hot

Um, hello? Neville Longbottom got hot!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 had their New York premiere on Monday, and the majority of the British cast crossed the ocean to walk the red carpet. I've never been shy about my love for Daniel Radcliffe, but I think he's been ousted from the top of my Hogwarts crush list. Behold Matthew Lewis who plays dorky and sometimes daft Neville Longbottom. Holy hell did he go through a transformation. He's practically unrecognizable from the awkward kid who started the series ten years ago...though in the later films I started to see that he was possibly not completely tragic in the looks department. Now at age 22, Matthew Lewis looked dapper and sexy on Monday's red carpet (not to mention that he now has about ten inches in height on Radcliffe). Hollywood watch out, this guy has leading man potential!

Manzo Matchmaker

The Manzo brothers, Albie and Chris, will be among the "millionaires" being match-made by Patti Stanger on the upcoming season of Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker. The boys of course gained fame as Caroline's wisecracking sons on fellow Bravo show The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Season 4 of Millionaire Matchmaker is set to take place in New York City.

Over the past month or so casting calls for female daters for MM4 have been popping up left and right and creating quite the excitement among Manhattan's single women. I've been actively ignoring these castings because I'm saving myself for The Bachelor, but I may have to make an exception if it would mean a shot at dating a Manzo brother. The Manzos are looking for "brunette, Italian, Catholic girls" (me=no, no, yes!), but I still think I'm a great match for them. One out of three ain't bad right? Plus my family knows about The Ham Game and thinks it's hilarious, so I really think everything will just gel with me and Albie and/or Chris. I don't even care that they're not technically millionaires on their own merit, I'd make the perfect wife to the eventual car wash/strip club moguls. And seriously, they are pretty cute. Don't judge me.

My new boyfriend

I'm pretty sure the guy in the new commercials for 5 Hour Energy shot is my future husband. (the one about the 2:30pm crash) It's really not a big deal that I don't know his name or anything like that. He's cute and pushing debatably healthy energy drinks on us so that pretty much makes him perfect for me.



Anyone know who he is? Share the love! Or keep him all for yourself...that's probably what I'd do.

Bubblegum tweener pop amazingness

Big Time Rush is easily the best fake show about a real/fake band since S Club 7 in Miami. I discovered this show recently during a lonely night with limited cable in an Atlantic City Hotel room, and I'm kind of obsessed. Big Time Rush airs on Nickelodeon and chronicles the scripted hijinks of real boyband Big Time Rush as they pretend-move to LA to record their first album while living in some sort of compound for kids and teens in the entertainment business. Whether the chicken of the band came before or after the egg of the TV show is unknown, but I don't care because omg they're soooo cute!

From a "musical" standpoint, Big Time Rush is the perfect boyband because it's literally impossible to decide which member is the hottest (though I'm leaning toward Kendall, second from left). The characters on the show are in only high school, and even in real life not a single member is old enough to legally drink alcohol. Perfect. The music is also really catchy with tunes like "Halfway There" and "Big Time". Although, their romantic single "Any Kind of Guy" totally sends the wrong message to the youngins saying they'll be any kind of guy us girls want just to get in our pants impress us. Don't pretend to be who you aren't just to get a date, kids. From a television standpoint, this show has the perfect storm of physical comedy, innocent flirtations, musical numbers, and fat jokes needed to impress Nick's target audience of tweens...and apparently twenty-something entertainment bloggers.

Kendall, I don't care if you are 19 playing a 16-year-old...wanna bang?

Tacky tats...that strangely turn me on

It feels so wrong and confusing to lust after a male figure skater, but during this year's Olympics Evan Lysacek has made me think dirty thoughts more than once. And he's straight! So I was quite haps when OK! magazine recently did a feature with shirtless pics of prominent Olympians, starring the very sexy Mr. Lysacek.

We must talk about this tattoo, a lightening bolt on the upper crotch. As one blogger put it, "Is Evan trying to make us think that his peen is Zeus or something?" Well maybe it is! I'm sure it's quite impressive. Despite the fact that I have no idea what this tat means and that it's pretty tickity-tack, it makes me horny. The penis V muscle is probs my favorite part of a guy's body, and the lightening bolt is like saying "this area is electric". And hot damn, I want to be electrocuted.

But he must lose the costume with the glittery snakes around his neck. Sorry, Vera. (Surprisingly I didn't mind the feathery one...)

It's "Top Chef", not "Top SexPot"

On Wednesday Michael Voltaggio was crowned the winner of Top Chef: Las Vegas, season 6 of the popular Bravo series. Though Mike had a good showing throughout the competition, the winner of Top Chef has historically been decided almost solely by the dishes made in the final challenge and has not been cumulative by any means. Looking at the judges' comments shown during the finale, it certainly didn't seem like Michael's food was their favorite that night. I thought it looked like almost certainly they were going to choose Brian Voltaggio (brotherly rivalries are obvi great for ratings), especially since he banged out a great dessert and Michael pretty much blew it.

Speaking of banging and blowing, how hot is Michael Voltaggio? He's such a badass and can be a total douche bag, but it totally works. Michael is sexy and was one of the only standout personalities during this season, which to some extent may have accounted for his win in what was by far the closest matchup in Top Chef history between the brothers V and Kevin Gillespie. No randos snuck into the finale (Lisa in season 4, Carla in season 5), so the choice of a winner had to come down to tiny mistakes in the cooking...or who's win could make for the best story line. Sorry Kevin, but even if you didn't make some crucial mistakes I saw a plot with it coming down to the two brothers a mile away.

Top Chef is also probably the hardest reality show for a viewer to truly judge accurately through the televizzle, and thus the easiest for the producers to have say in the outcome. Compared to a purely visual art like fashion (Project Runway) or auditory art like music (American Idol), the culinary world is roughly only 20% visual and largely 80% taste, a sense which cannot be experienced by a viewer. We have the judges' comments to help us, but there is mucho editing which will never allow the viewer to receive the full story. We can follow Top Chef and know who we want to win, but it's pretty much impossible for anyone (even a culinary expert viewer) but Tom and Padma to really know who deserves to win.

Was Michael a strong contender for the title? Surely. Was his food the best during the finale? We'll never know. Would I hit it? Obvi.

Do, Dump, or Marry: The Glee boys

The rules: You have three choices of men of debatable equal caliber. Pick one to "do", one to "dump" and one to "marry". Must pick one and only one for each category, no cop-outs.

The hottie pool: The incredibly hot cast of Glee. (l-r) Cory Monteith as Finn, Matthew Morrison as Mr. Schuester, and Mark Salling as Puck. They're all sexy, they can all sing, it's a tough battle which may possibly only be able to be settled with a dance-off.


Do: Mark Salling. This picture does not do the abs justice. They are rock hard and there is at least a 6-pack going on. Plus he totally has the bad boy thing going on, and his character likes to bed cougars. Homeboy is probably dynamite in the sack.

Dump: Cory Monteith, though it kills me to have to "dump" any of the Glee boys. Sure Finn is hot and all, but if we're being honest with ourselves he's a little boring and doesn't do "I have so many emotions and can't decide between sports and singing" quite as well as Zac Efron. Plus, a 27-year-old playing a 17-year-old is not so sexy.

Marry: Matthew Morrison. Handsome, great smile, sexy body, and wholesome family man all rolled into one. He's the guy you can take home to mom, yet still can't wait to rip his clothes off. I'm also a total sucker for curly hair. Matthew definitely has the best singing voice and let's be honest, that's what really matters in a husband, right?


Leave your choices in the comments!

I enjoy my vampires tongue-in-cheek

I am a huge baby when it comes to horror movies, haunted houses, spooky noise cassettes, people saying "boo" and basically anything else that could be considered remotely scary. Which made me wonder if I was in my right mind to sit through the upcoming movie Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant (released October 23). One can clearly tell from previews that this movie is effin weird, and it lives up to that expectation while also being really effin funny and thankfully not all that effin scary. The lighthearted tone and campy humor make this movie refreshing and bearable for total self-proclaimed wimps like myself. Finally I think I'm catching onto this whole vampire craze!

The "plot" of the movie centers around a high school boy played by Robert-Pattinson-in-training Chris Massoglia (he's only 17 so I'll withhold my smutty thoughts) who makes a deal with an aging vampire/freak show performer (John C. Reilly) to become half-vampire and serve as his personal assistant in exchange for saving his miscreant best friend from a deadly mythical spider bite. Kinda Twilight meets The Devil Wears Prada. There's also something about a war and destiny and falling in puppy-love with Monkey-Girl (complete with highly inappropriate and disturbing tail popping up metaphors). Confused? It really doesn't matter. This movie is written for pre-Twilight fans and aging sci-fi perverts so the intellectual level is pretty low, you'll catch on.

What the movie lacks in compelling or intelligible plot, it makes up for in characters, humor, and overall coolness. Standouts include Evra The Snake Boy who's so over this freak show thing and just wants to be an angsty emo singer, and Salma Hayek as the sexy bearded lady (hey, she has amazing eye makeup and bags John C. Reilly, that has to count for something). One of the "Little People" has a Dobby The House Elf-like endearing quality that makes me melt, but from what I've read on Cirque du Freak message boards this is a gross misrepresentation of the Little People (this was originally a book series yo!).

But now that I've been to Cirque du Freak message boards I may as well just get some D&D cards and a hooded snuggie and forget about any chance of a normal social life.

If "The Bachelor" doesn't work out...

Frank "The Entertainer", who by this time is bona fide VH1 royalty, is finally getting his own reality show. For those of you who aren't familiar with his sexiness, he is best known for I Love New York 2, I Love Money 1 and 2, and living in his very-Italian parents' basement. The show will be called The Entertainer of Love (because VH1 is very creative) and will follow the typical format of a dozen or so skanks competing for The Entertainer's love. Actually I'm predicting these girls won't be skanky so much as just pure po-dunk white trash, or licensed Jersey guidettes. But sadly enough, I don't actually think The Entertainer is enough of a hot mess or on enough substances for this to show to be all that great. Especially compared to recent gems like Daisy of Love.

I probably shouldn't ever admit this, but I find The Entertainer very sexy. Sure he is bat shizit crazy and a total loser, but his body is bangin and I genuinely think he's pretty hot and would be fun to date. For a hot sec I thought about replying to the casting call for The Entertainer of Love, but then I remembered that two of his past "girlfriends" have been New York and Becky Buckwild and that means he definitely has questionable taste...not to mention The Clap.

We also must remember and respect that The Entertainer is the original reality TV toe-sucker, as shown in an infamous hot tub scene from I Love New York. Noting this, what may actually be a better idea for a reality show is to partner The Entertainer with reality TV's newest toe-sucker, Tanner P of The Bachelorette, and have a show called Who Wants To Marry a Foot-Fetishish? They can have challenges like peeling a banana with your feet, toe-painting, and obvi a "foot-job under the dinner table" competition. Now THAT is more along the lines of what a good VH1 show should be!

When in Vegas...

My taste in movies is very sophisticated, so therefore I have been looking forward to The Hangover more than is respectable to admit. The Hangover tells the story of a Vegas bachelor party gone wrong where 4 guys get totally wasted, lose the groom the day before the wedding, and have to figure out what actually happened on their wild night that no one can remember...shocker. There are babies, tigers, Jagermeister, and strippers involved so obviously this movie is groundbreaking in its comedic stylings.

Truth be told though, it actually is surprisingly different than most other typical guy comedies. Though the situations that the characters experience are very over-the-top and outrageous, it somehow always feels realistic (well, somewhat) and never treads on slapstick territory. I attribute this to the casting choices in The Hangover which are far removed from the usual rotating group of Apatow/"Frat Pack" guys who would seem to be shoo-ins. With the predictable cast of Owen Wilson, Paul Rudd, and Will Farrel, this movie would take an entirely different and in my opinion less effective vibe. Casting less recognizable actors and relative newcomers to the big screen like Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis brought a different and more subdued acting style to what could have been a very typical movie.

Not to mention the fact that Bradley Cooper brings a level of sexiness that Will Farrel couldn't dream of matching even with the best 70's stash. I highly doubt this was the desired effect of the director, but I just about died when B-Coops walked out in the black suit. I really need to tap that. And shirtless scenes are never a bad thing. If casting a ridiculously hot guy (again, a very atypical casting choice for this genre of film) and adding several subtle melt-worthy moments were actually a discrete plan to engage the female audience who were dragged to The Hangover with their boyfriends then cudos, producers, well played.

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Mix my Vegas/Bradley Cooper fetish in with the great one-liners and quirky scenarios that this movie brings and you have me in the palm of your hand. I think guys will agree too, but obvi for very different reasons. Overall, it's def a hit.

Sad news

Audrina Patridge of The Hills is said to be dating none other than uber-hottie and man of the hour, Chris Pine. They've been canoodling at bars in LA and Las Vegas, and she's even been seen leaving his apartment in the wee hours of the morning. This is sad not only because the star of one of the biggest movie re-makes of all time is dating a reality tv wannabe starlet, but it also crushes my own romantic fantasies and image of him having a good on his shoulders. You know what Patti Stanger says, men think with their pecker.

I'm also very frustrated by the fact that Chris Pine is being dubbed an "overnight success" and all of a sudden every woman and gay man in America are swooning. I've been on the Pine train since 2004 so back off bitches, I discovered him first! He's getting all this recognition for Star Trek, but we're forgetting about two other major movies he's made in the past, Just My Luck (with Lindsay Lohan) and The Princess Diaries 2: A Royal Engagement. Those were some great films! I've been melting over The Princess Diaries for five years now and love seeing Chris in this sexy, seductive, ro-co leading man role. I watched my DVD of the film again for the billionth time this weekend and was lost in his magic all over again, he's a prince for gosh sake! People that are just taking note of his hotness now (like Miss Patridge) clearly just don't deserve him as much as I do. I have longevity on my side...as I like to imagine he does too. Ow ow!

Just another not-so pretty face

Nooooooo! What have they done to the hotness that was Bruce Jenner? Back in the day he was obviously a hot piece and a certified heartthrob, and I stand by the fact that he still looked dead sexy after the first face lift. Well, Bruce thought that doctor did a bad job and recently went back under the knife for a second "corrective" face life. This was the result. I weep. Bruce has officially been crossed off my list of old man crushes, and I must abandon my fantasy of a father/son threesome with him and Brody Jenner after seeing this. Don't judge me, you know you have some inner kink too.

This person that used to be Bruce can be seen on Keeping Up With The Kardashians, and is survived by The Hills "star" Brody, his gaggle of step-children, and a few others biological children that no one knows or cares about.

Picture from Ability Films

Give my regards to Broadway, they clearly need them

The nominations for the 2009 Tony Awards were announced today and while they were pretty much what you'd expect with Billy Elliot leading the pack, there was one choice which made me question the credibility of whoever chose these nominations. It also made me sad for the state of the Great White Way in general if pickins really are this slim.

Constantine Maroulis was nominated for Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical for Rock of Ages. I didn't even know we were taking this show seriously as a Broadway musi-cal. Need I mention that Constantine is a washed-up American Idol 6th place winner from four years ago? I'll admit that once upon a time I was enchanted by his flowing locks, melodic voice and famous smoldering stares, but I didn't think that ish could cut it on Broadway! Clearly I was wrong. But even I have grown up and realized that Constantine is a greasy douche bag, so why haven't the people whose opinions really matter?

Also, noticeably absent from the Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Play nominations was Harry Potter's penis. Clearly this is an oversight. That lil guy did a damn good job. I guess compared to Constantine even a legitimate penis isn't enough of a dick to get a Tony nomination. Sad.

Jazz hands!

Though they can't seem to hold it together as a network to produce a single episode of American Idol that runs on time, Fox is getting both myself and critics a little excited with Glee, a new show for summer/fall that will be premiering during May sweeps. Glee will be previewing on May 19th and tells the story of a young teacher who takes over as the director of a rag-tag, seemingly talentless high school glee club. And of course there will be major dramz and love stories wrapped in with riveting musical numbers featuring some of Broadway's biggest stars. The musical theatre dork in me is bursting at the seams and pirouetting around my television set. Glee is being created and produced by Ryan Murphy who previously worked his magic with Nip/Tuck, but don't expect the smut and general absurdity to carry over, this is kind of a family show.

However, myself and girls everywhere are probably going to be getting their panties in a bunch over Matthew Morrison who plays said teacher turned glee club aficionado. Matthew has done a ton of Broadway which would be a turn-off for most girls, but it makes me really horny seeing sexy men spontaneously burst into song. Upping the hotness factor even more, he was briefly in the boyband LMNT (formed from several O-Town rejects and friends, best known for the musical masterpiece "Juliet"), but he's smart so he quit that shiz before most people even knew it existed.

Hotties, jazz hands, and melodramatic high school plot lines? Yah, I'm on board.

Good musics, unfortunately chosen song title

A few months ago it was announced that my all time #1 crush Taylor Hanson and a few other people who used to be in successful bands (James Iha of The Smashing Pumpkins, Adam Schlesinger of Fountains of Wayne, and Bun E. Carlos of Cheap Trick) got bored and formed an "all-star" band. Well, I thought they were joking. I even wrote it in my dairy "Taylor made a very funny joke today..." I thought this would turn out like when VH1 tried to make the "Man Band" on reality tv two years ago with old fat guys who used to be in boybands. (Never heard anything about it? Exactly) But Taylor Hanson's band Tinted Windows are apparently taking themselves very seriously. They did a bunch of interviews and networking at South X Southwest this year (which lead to Hanson's big break 14 YEARS AGO!!), are doing several tv appearances in the next few weeks, and have an album coming out in actual stores on April 21. Well recently they've been debuting a few songs over the internets with a series of videos and interviews. Let's take a look together at their first single "Kind of a Girl":

Tinted Windows "Kind of a Girl"


Is this for reals? It looks like they're performing on some cheesy low budget Euro-pop music show in the 1970's. The flashing colored lights and fade on the split screen are weirding me out. I really hope this is a planned "concept" because if this is a real television show and this host and graphics are serious, I have no hope left for the world.

That being said, the music is good. Very old school poprock. Very "That Thing You Do". But would I have the heart to turn my back on my TayTay and even admit if the music was bad? Probs not.

White trash hotness...I feel so at home

Who knew the Zefron had a sense of humor or so many d-list celeb friends?

Zac Efron's Pool Party from Zac Efron

The new hottie on the block

We know he's been losing weight for awhile, but for me this weekend officially marked Seth Rogen's coming out as a total crush-worthy hottie! First he hosted SNL on Saturday, and Seth showed off his slimmest figure to date and a subtle haircut that is really working for him. It wasn't the funniest episode ever and they still felt the need to make a lot of fat jokes, but alas we are dealing with mostly men so this is to be expected. Seth also was rocking some great new fashion choices ranging from a great suit during the monologue to a somewhat metro sweater/collared shirt combo in the Italian talk show sketch. Loves it, bye bye message-tee!



Then on Sunday while seeing Adventureland, I caught a preview for the upcoming Apatow movie Funny People starring Rogen and Adam Sandler. Again, a totally sexy and more sentimental Seth! He's always had the personality, now he's bringing out the sex appeal to match, and I'm kinda swooning. Plus, I've always loved a good Jew-fro...

Indie Moment: "The Great Buck Howard"

While my much more sophisticated friend Alex was in town last weekend we spontaneously caught an indie film at the Algeika Theatre, and while The Great Buck Howard probably isn't going to be winning any Oscars anytime soon, it was quite enjoyable. This movie tells the story of a young man (Colin Hanks) who goes through somewhat of a quarter-life-crisis, drops out of law school, and takes a job as a road manager/personal assistant for a washed up magician, excuse me, "mentalist" (John Malkovich).

Produced by Tom Hanks's company, Playtone, the thing that really makes this movie special is the restrained humor and the strong cast which happens to include a laundry list of some of my favs. Colin Hanks stars and has been on my "to-do" list since Orange County, though admittedly, his characters in each movie are very similar. The cast also includes Steve Zahn, Emily Blunt (who gets to have sexy time with C. Hanks...lucky biotch), and obvi a cameo by Daddy Hanks. Lesser known hottie Adam Scott plays a small but entertaining role and makes me want to see a lot more of him in the future ifyouknowwhati'msayin.

Another interesting aspect of this movie is the overall sense of time and location. In the same style as movies like Napoleon Dynamite, this movie takes place in present day America but feels like fifteen years in the past based on the fashion, decor, and depiction of American society. Whether intentional or not, this element is confusing yet enjoyable.

Though admittedly not cinematically groundbreaking, The Great Buck Howard is certainly an enjoyable movie that made me smile and chuckle, and it would behoove us all to make the extra effort to go to the indie theatres to check out.

"I Love You, Man": Deeper than one may think

The latest blockbuster comedy I Love You, Man, starring Jason Segal and under-appreciated hottie Paul Rudd, is not just another guy movie full of fart jokes and excessive drinking. Believe me, it contains its share of poo and bodily fluids, but there are actually many more heartwarming moments and real-life glimpses into the art of friendship than this movie's creators want you to realize.

No question about it, this movie is funny. The humor level lives up to expectations, but with more intelligence and genuine surprising moments thrown in. But in reality, the plot of this movie is no laughing matter: as a grown-ass adult, it's hard to make new friends!

I Love You, Man chronicles Peter's (Rudd) quest to find new male friends and a suitable best man for his pending nuptials, upon realizing that he has gone through life with only female friends. While watching his many awkward moments and misunderstandings, I really feel for this guy. How do you seek out new friends post-college...without coming off as a creeper? No longer having a forced social network, it's not as easy to platonically exchange phone numbers with someone new. Asking someone on a date seems like a cake walk when compared to asking a new gal pal to grab coffee for the first time. I've found myself in clubs somehow or another dancing, laughing, and probably drunkenly grinding with a group of really fun girls (albeit total strangers), but feeling too nervous to even simply say "Hey what's your number? Let's go do this again." Talking with other existing friends I've found that most people echo my sentiments, so chances are the strangers you randomly have a good time with would also not mind officially adding YOU to their phone book and arsenal of friends.

So let's take a lesson from I Love You, Man, put ourselves out there, and not be afraid to set up those seemingly scary friend-dates!

Cosmo Bachelor Search time y'all!

It's that magical time of year when we all get to objectify our sexy, single, male friends as pieces of meat and nominate them to be one of Cosmopolitan magazine's bachelors of the year! All kidding aside, Cosmo has been running their Bachelor Search for about five years now and it's a pretty cool thing. Girls nominate their eligible male friends, co-workers, brothers, neighbors, sons, etc, and Cosmo picks one guy from every state to profile in the magazine. The 50 chosen ones also get to come to New York for a day of being paraded around the city as the sexiest guys in the land and a huge party at night. It's fun times and I'm not gonna lie, there's usually no shortage of shenanigans and hookups at the party (not that I'd personally ever do something like that...). Personality counts, but we're looking for hotness as you must submit a face shot AND a full body shirtless pic...obvi. For more info and to nominate a guy, go to www.cosmopolitan.com/bachelors.