Today might be the best TV night of all-time

No hyperbole. The best night of ALL. TIME. Why are the networks even doing this to themselves...and to me?!

8pm ET - "Survivor" season premiere on CBS. To me this actually doesn't matter all that much, but to a lot of people "Survivor" is a big deal. And I get it. It's one of the OGs of reality TV, and I have respect for that.

9pm ET - "Empire" season premiere on FOX. This show is changing the game, and not just because it's getting me to watch a scripted show. The ratings during season one earlier this year were unheard of for a new show in today's media landscape. Cookie is one of the best developed (and best dressed) female characters in years. White people are appreciating hip-hop! My mom likes it! This show has it all.

9pm ET - "Modern Family" season premiere on ABC. This is what white people should be watching at 9pm, but won't be.

9:30pm ET - "Big Brother" season finale on CBS. I might be most excited for this. Or "Empire". Don't make me decide. My night would be made if Steve or Liz win HOH and do not take Vanessa to the final two. Justice would be served.

10pm ET - "Nashville" season premiere on ABC. It's like the country version of "Empire", and has managed to last four seasons even though it jumped the shark when Scarlett made friends with that homeless guy. So clearly "Nashville" is legit.

10pm ET - "Million Dollar Listing: LA" on Bravo. Well...I'm excited....


Happy Fall TV Season, everyone!

Old Lady thoughts on "Bachelor In Paradise"

Bachelor In Paradise has started its second season of shenanigans, and so far these crazy kids are not disappointing. So as an official "old lady" according to the "I" sisters, this is my Old Lady perspective:

• Let's just start there: The "I" Sisters (virgin Ashley from Chris's season and her slutty tag-along younger sister Lauren). They say some pretty horrible things. As a 30-year-old, I am apparently an old lady, and apparently all old single women are desperate so they just get really drunk and throw themselves at younger men. Or at least this is what I gathered over two different conversations during the two-night premiere. However horrible half of the things that come out of their mouths may be, the other half are along the lines of "make your ponytail more Ariana" which are nuggets that just make my life.
• Speaking of nuggets...always McDonald's nuggets (to settle Ashley I and Jared's deep debate).
• The opening credit sequence is the stuff campy reality TV dreams are made of. If memory serves, the Bachelor franchise really has never had an opening sequence or music at all. So to go from zero to cheesy staged turns toward the camera, popping out of vases, and 70's sitcom font is turning it up a whole bunch of notches and I love it!
• This after show....doing a new show concept live is not an easy thing so I'll withhold full judgment for now. But it needs to be 30 minutes. See examples of after-shows for The Challenge, Party Down South, and pretty much every other reality show that's ever had an after show. And most of those are taped.
• Clare continues to talk to animals, and this season it's a crab in one of her roommates' beds. That's not a euphemism. And seriously, do crabs really walk sideways like that?!

It's now past 10pm on the East Coast so this old lady needs to go to bed.

Bachelor in Paradise airs Sundays AND Mondays at 8pm ET/7pm CT on ABC. Or something like that. It's so many hours of TV to watch....

All you need is a smart-phone and a dream: Broadway Online Ticket Lotteries

Rent started the "rush" ticket trend back in the 90's. Shakespeare In The Park productions have had a popular (and almost impossible to win) online lottery and early morning rush line for years. And within the past year the online lottery has become the method du jour for this season's crop of new Broadway shows. At least 4 of the most popular Broadway shows of the season (Something Rotten, Gigi, Fun Home, and On The Town) currently utilize digital lotteries to give patrons the opportunity to win highly discounted tickets (about $25), Book of Mormon has done Twitter and Facebook lotteries, and the Off Broadway mega-hit Hamilton has the most impossible to win digital lottery of all, most days awarding tickets to only one winner.

It's certainly easier to tap a few buttons on your phone or computer than show up at the theatre to wait outside in the cold at a designated time on the slim chance that you'll be one of the lucky ones, but are these digital lotteries really a good thing? On one hand, yes it certainly is easier. Many are excited that it allows theatre fans from New Jersey, Long Island, or even the outer parts of the boroughs to enter without making the long and often expensive trip into the city. Enter from home, and make the trip only if you win.

But I must admit, the elitist New Yorker in me is a but smug. There's something special about gathering with fellow fans and going through the right of passage of hoping your name is called. Especially after many trips to the theatre and inevitably many unsuccessful attempts, you somehow feel that you've EARNED the right to buy those $25 tickets. Which of course you haven't, you just got lucky. But you put in the time and frozen fingers dammit! And that must be worth something. Also, the digital lotteries cause the number of entrants to go into the thousands instead of the low hundreds (or sometimes even less), thus drastically decreasing the odds for those who would have put in the time and been die-hard in-person entrants.

Alas, my luck has continued to be equally low with both in-person and digital lotteries. So maybe karma is catching up with me for being a lottery-snob...

No Pants Epic Fails

There's a lot of annoying hipster shit that goes on in New York City, but No Pants Subway Ride day has got to be the most obnoxious day of the year.  As if the concept isn't bad enough, people clearly do not know the proper way to behave in public when wearing only their skivvies. If there is one at all. This is evidenced in the following things I witnessed around Union Square today:

1. Girls in Forever 21 trying on jeans in the middle of the store. You wouldn't take off your clothes to try on jeans out in the open any other day, so just because you have easy access does not make this okay.

2. People having the balls to even enter Whole Foods in only underwears, let alone browse the hot food section. This is a frickin grocery store. I'm trying to buy a chick pea salad, I should not be able to see your pubic hair.

To make matters worse, it's never the people you'd actually want to see pants-less that participate in these things, is it?

Diet: Day 1

BREAKFAST--1/2 GRAPEFRUIT, 1 SLICE TOAST, 2 TBS. PEANUT BUTTER, COFFEE OR TEA
I usually don't eat breakfast so I'm looking at this meal as something to compensate for the light lunches in the system.  The toast with peanut butter was great, but I'm realizing that I don't actually like grapefruits very much despite their amazing smell.  They have a sour aftertaste, plus how the hell do you actually eat the things?  Fork?  Do you peel them?  Who knows. Conversely, I'm learning that I really do like tea.  Off to a good start for the day.

LUNCH--1/2 CUP TUNA, 1 SLICE TOAST, COFFEE OR TEA
Due to meetings at work, I didn't eat lunch until about 3pm (ideally would have been about 1:30 or 2pm).  I was doing okay with hunger though.  I had absolutely no problem with the assigned foods in this meal, but I had to eat so slowly just to convince myself that I was eating a fulfilling meal.  By the time I left the office three and a half hours later I was struggling.  And then tortured myself by walking past McDonalds, Red Lobster (who currently has Endless Shrimp), and numerous other tempting street food vendors.  At this point I want every food I see, am questioning how I'm going to get through these three days, and cannot wait to get home for dinner.

DINNER--2 SLICES ANY TYPE OF MEAT (ABOUT 3OZ), 1 CUP GREEN BEANS, 1/2 BANANA, 1 SMALL APPLE, 1 CUP VANILLA ICE CREAM
This was definitely a turnaround point.  For my meat, I chose sliced lunch meat turkey.  As I was preparing my meal, I immediately noticed that I was getting a lot more food than at lunch.  And I hadn't even scooped out the ice cream yet!  Dinner was satisfying and tasted great.  I don't eat a lot of fruit in my daily life, but found myself wondering why after thoroughly enjoying the apple and banana. (eeple and baneenee?) I'm not a big dessert person and was full enough to have easily skipped the ice cream, but in the interest of following the plan exactly as prescribed I forced it down my throat.  And it was good.

I then prepared the hard boiled eggs for tomorrow and the rest of the cycle (a new skill I Googled and taught myself), feeling good and confident about this process.

Diet? :/

I've decided to try a new diet, and it's been suggested that I blog about it. Though dieting is less than fabulous, I suppose at this point in the progression of this blog any post is better than no post.  No?

There are many variations of this diet, but it's known as the "3 Day Diet" or "The Military Diet".  You're on for three days, off for four.  Though I'm assuming "off" doesn't mean you're allowed to eat The Baconator.

The version of the plan I'm following is below, and looking it over makes me feel confident that this is a diet I can realistically stick to.  I love food and hate small portions, and it seems like I will still have a decent quantity of food and a fair amount of yummyness.  Hot dogs?  Hell yes!  I went grocery shopping for the week last night and started the diet today.  Stay tuned...

DAY 1: BREAKFAST--1/2 GRAPEFRUIT, 1 SLICE TOAST, 2 TBS. PEANUT BUTTER, COFFEE OR TEA

LUNCH--1/2 CUP TUNA, 1 SLICE TOAST, COFFEE OR TEA

DINNER--2 SLICES ANY TYPE OF MEAT (ABOUT 3OZ), 1 CUP GREEN BEANS, 1/2 BANANA, 1 SMALL APPLE, 1 CUP VANILLA ICE CREAM

DAY 2: BREAKFAST--1 EGG, 1 SLICE TOAST, 1/2 BANANA

LUNCH--1 CUP COTTAGE CHEESE (OR 1 SLICE CHEDDAR CHEESE), 1 HARD BOILED EGG, 5

SALTINE CRACKERS

DINNER--2 HOT DOGS, (no buns), 1 CUP BROCCOLI, 1/2 CUP CARROTS, 1/2 BANANA, 1/2 CUP VANILLA ICE CREAM

DAY 3: BREAKFAST--5 SALTINE CRACKERS, 1 SLICE CHEDDAR CHEESE, 1 SMALL APPLE

LUNCH--1 HARD BOILED EGG, 1 SLICE TOAST

DINNER--1 CUP TUNA, 1/2 BANANA, 1 CUP VANILLA ICE CREAM

DIET WORKS ON CHEMICAL BREAKDOWN AND IS PROVEN. DO NOT VARY OR SUBSTITUTE ANY OF THE ABOVE FOODS. SALT AND PEPPER MAY BE USED, BUT DO NOT USE ANY OTHER SEASONING. DIET IS TO BE USED THREE DAYS AT A TIME.

IN THREE DAYS, YOU SHOULD LOSE 10 POUNDS. AFTER THREE DAYS OF DIETING, YOU CAN EAT YOUR NORMAL FOODS, BUT DO NOT OVER DO IT. AFTER YOUR 4 DAYS OF NORMAL EATING, START BACK ON THE 3 DAY DIET. YOU CAN LOSE UP TO 40 POUNDS IN A MONTH IF YOU STICK TO THIS DIET. IT IS A SAFE DIET.

REMEMBER: DO NOT EAT BETWEEN MEALS!

NOTE: COFFEE OR TEA THE FIRST TWO MEALS OF DAY ONE ONLY. WATER ONLY FROM THEN ON.

Bravo continues to provide gems

Bravo had their "upfronts" today, which is a fancy industry term for an announcement of what new TV shows they're planning to brainwash us with.  Here are the shows you'll be addicted to in the coming months, and whether or not I give my stamp of approval.  Click the linkey for actual factual info.


"Silicon Valley" - I did the Googling and yes Randi Zuckerberg is related to Mark, so this show should be legit.  And dramaful.

"Life After Top Chef" - Genius.  As much as I love Blais and Spike though, I really hope they go for the more obscure people as well.  Stephen from TC: DC needs to be back in my life.

"Below Deck" - Lame.  Since they're co-workers they probably won't hook up (as much).  And who wants to watch reality tv about non-rich people?  Ick.

"Huh?" - My thoughts exactly.  Too much technology and no Zuckerbergs.

"SUR" - As much as I love Lisa Van Der Pump, I don't know about this one.  I highly doubt dogs are allowed in the SUR kitchen, and without Giggy I can't fully co-sign this.

"Miss Advised" - A relationship show and a good pun can win me over any day.  Plus I like Emily Morse.

"Newlyweds: The First Year" - Won't work.  There was already THE "Newlyweds" reality show, and adding a subtitle won't hide the fact that this will never measure up to the original.

"Gallery Girls" - No.  First of all, too many characters for us to get to know (7).  Plus no one cares about art.

"LA Shrinks" - Has a chance, but will have to really fight for a spot on my DVR.  This show isn't immediately grabbing my attention, but there is unpredictability in the world of crazies.

"Decades" - This sounds like a soap opera my grandma would have watched in the 80's, but I think it's actually the name of a vintage shop.  So been done before.

"The Kandi Factory" - I'd rather see Kandi Burruss do a show about sex toys than music, but this should still work out okay.  I applaud the Housewives who actually have real skillz to pay the billz.

Unfortunately, several awful Bravo shows have actually been renewed ("Million Dollar Decorators", "Chef Roble & Co", and all time fail "Pregnant in Heels").  And even more unfortunately, "Boys To Manzo" is noticeably absent from the list.

Happy Fashion Week!

To kick off New York Fashion Week and my (hopeful) return to blogging, everyone needs to see this.  And don't even pretend it's not true because you biotches know you have said this s*it.  I totes have.  And I agree that I'm soooo not eating til Fashion Week so...good thing it's Fashion Week.



http://knowyourmeme.com/videos/29312-shit-girls-say

Liveblogging: Bachelor Pad premiere

My computer screen is jacked up which makes it very hard to see what I'm writing, so my apologies if this blog is as incoherent as Kasey's speech patterns. Happy Bachelor Pad premiere everyone!

8:03pm - Rated R standing in front of a graffiti wall with a pulled up hoodie...so is he a white rapper now or something? Also soooo excited for Michelle Money to be here!

8:09pm - "Take a Jake and wipe my Pavelka"?! Wow, I forgot how poetic Kasey can be. That's a quote that needs to be set to music. Shit I hope I'm not giving him any ideas.

8:10pm - Jake for biggest reality whore of the year? I didn't even know networks let you be on two shows at once. (this and Famous Foods)

8:17pm - Who the eff is Erica Rose? Are we sure she isn't actually Devorah Rose from High Society?

8:19pm - Ugh moms should not be going on Bachelor Pad, ELLA! Irresponsible parenting! Sob story or not, good mothers do not go on the smuttiest of reality shows. This rule does not apply to Michelle Money because she's unapologetic about her entertainment value and I loves it!

8:29pm - If Holly was going to kill a muppet to wear as a skirt, couldn't she have at least skinned enough fur off of it to cover her Miss Piggy?

8:35pm - I love how much of a horn dog Blake is being this season! Maybe actually showing some personality will keep him around a bit longer this time.

8:42pm - Rated R jumps on my muppet pun bandwagon. Nice! And agreed, Kasey and Vienna are vom-worthy.

8:45pm - According to Holly, Blake "uses pretty big words which is reallllly attractive." This girl is quickly becoming my favorite person to make fun of. She makes it so easy!

8:47pm - Kirk seems to have gotten uglier which is a shame because I had a pretty big crush on him. At least William is here to bring some hotness! There's a lot of blonde guys on this season which is weird but awesome for eye candy (so my type). Plus blondes have more fun which is better for TV. Obvs.

8:55pm - Jake's cheesy fake-surprised facial expression when meeting Kasey was the best thing I've seen in my life. Proof that reality TV is real because clearly these people can't act.

8:59pm - Jake pulls Kasey aside for a Man Talk to try to clear the Vienna-filled air, and I really wish I could understand what Kasey was saying because I bet it would be pretty dramatic.

9:09pm - Ames and Jackie: first new couple in the house to get a little makey-outey. Good job, Ames! Way to step it up and be a man!

9:11pm - So their first challenge (yah, they do those between having romps in the fantasy suite) is to be suspended in a harness in what's totally a sex position, and hold onto each other for as long as possible.

9:15pm - Holly would rather be drinking, so she lets herself fall. Just had to point that out. Priceless. Mature.

9:24pm - Vienna is so considerate of her boyfriend's health and well being. His leg and back are cramping with intolerable pain, she yells at him because Jake might get immunity. Supportive. Jake wins.

9:28pm - Vienna is a horrible person! But I guess we knew that already. In the hot tub (obviously) she continues to rip him a new one for not winning the challenge and fighting with her on camera. Isn't she actually picking the fight? It seems like their "strategy" coming into the house was to just win every challenge, but how is that a sound strategy? Eventually there would be a challenge about being a decent human being or making responsible decisions with tattoos, and clearly you wouldn't win those.

9:39pm - Rated R is actually (for once) using his lying powers for good after pretending to be in "the main alliance", but secretly being a swing vote. I applaud that, I've watched enough Challenge type shows to know that if you're on the outskirts of the big alliance you will get screwed.

9:43pm - This effing show is going until 11:00 tonight? Didn't plan for this and my computer battery is about to die. Time out. Recharge!

10:54pm - Bachelor Pad may be one of the best shows on TV, but three hours is a bit much even for the most riveting mindless trash. Alliances were formed and broken and secretly formed, and eventually we were left with Rated R and Alli being voted off because they were wishy-washy sneaky bitches. Alli can go as far as I care, but losing Rated R this early is a travesty in the reality world! Like, totes more tragic than the stock market crashing today. Rated R being gone decreases America's level of being entertained and that is not cool.

Proving once again that dorks are hot

Um, hello? Neville Longbottom got hot!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 had their New York premiere on Monday, and the majority of the British cast crossed the ocean to walk the red carpet. I've never been shy about my love for Daniel Radcliffe, but I think he's been ousted from the top of my Hogwarts crush list. Behold Matthew Lewis who plays dorky and sometimes daft Neville Longbottom. Holy hell did he go through a transformation. He's practically unrecognizable from the awkward kid who started the series ten years ago...though in the later films I started to see that he was possibly not completely tragic in the looks department. Now at age 22, Matthew Lewis looked dapper and sexy on Monday's red carpet (not to mention that he now has about ten inches in height on Radcliffe). Hollywood watch out, this guy has leading man potential!

The Edge of Glory video...not so edgy

The (relatively) subdued music video for Lady Gaga's "The Edge of Glory" hit the web today, and I'm kinda underwhelmed. No Jesus biker gangs? No alien births? No prison lesbians making out? This video under any other name would be a pretty cool video, but we've come to expect such shock value from the Lady. Maybe the restraint is what makes it shocking? Either way, I still love this bitch.

Although, is anyone else getting major Rent vibes from this video? Even a touch of Brooklyn: The Musical?

My tummy is excited

At least two Potbellys (-ies?) are set to open in Manhattan in the coming months. Or "soon-ish" as the window of the soon-to-be Rockefeller Center concourse location boasts. The other location I've spotted is on Maiden Lane in the 2 Gold building retail strip, making it perfect for me to have one Potbelly by my office and one by my home. Clearly Potbelly's corporate offices have no consideration for my own growing potbelly.

Admittedly I've never actually had a Potbelly sandwich, but my friends in Washington D.C. and Chicago rave about them so much that I can almost vicariously taste the deliciousness through their descriptions. And I cannot wait to have another option for yummy carb-filled comfort lunches.

Liveblogging: The Bachelorette premiere

Ashley H is back with a sexy new hair cut/color and 25 sexy men! Am I jels? Yes. Am I excited for this new season of The Bachelorette? Yes. Is red wine currently in my hand? Hells yes!

Btw, I'm taking a bit of a lax approach to this liveblog because I really want to drink enjoy the premiere. I'll mostly be re-capping during the commercials.

9:09pm - The first segment went to commercial really abruptly, but basically we learned that there's some major potential for douchebaggery this season and Ashley may get her heart broken. So in other words it's going to be a fun season to watch. We also learn that Ashley is so smokin hawt during some b-roll of her teaching a dance class in a mid-rif top!

9:22pm - We just saw the package where we get background information/sob stories about some of the guys. My early favorite by far is William! So hot and just a good mid-western boy. All around mostly hot and fairly nice-seeming except for the lawyer from N'Awlins and Bentley!

9:32pm - Just Ashley and Chris H talkin. But we have confirmation that Bentley is a douche! Never trust anyone named after a car. And just from everything Ashley is saying about her past experience I'm liking her more and more. So much more than Ali!

9:57pm - All the guys have exited the limo. There are so many who are so super cute and sweet! I'm not even going to attempt names at this point (except for William!), but I really like the guy with the camera, pretty much anyone who was from the mid-west (seriously, the Ohio and Michigan guys were killing it!), the winemaker, and the guy who worked with solar thingeys. There were def 3 or 4 guys who I could already peg as going home tonight. And mask guy! Total Phantom of the Opera creeper!

10:10pm - Ooooooh snap it's about to go down between Tim The Drunk and Jeff The Phantom of the Opera!

10:23pm - Tim got drunk, could barely form a sentence during his one on one time with Ashley, and then passed out on a lounge by the pool. Loves Tim! Seriously, as long as he didn't puke on me I would give him a rose. He gets a chance. As long as he doesn't get this drunk on a date again, at least you know he's a good time!

10:52pm - I'm not okay with the following gentlemen being sent home: the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker. Or rather: the butcher, the guy from Michigan with the spikey hair (Rob?), and the tall guy with the cool purple and pink tie (Jon?). In my book, a cool tie is as good of a reason as any to keep a guy in the first round. You can tell a lot more from his tie than his name, career, and hometown. Really now, let's not pretend that we actually know more than that about these guys yet.

Liveblogging: The Real Housewives of NJ premiere

9:00pm - Will The Real Housewives of New Jersey be as good sans-Danielle? Probs not, but we're about to find out...
9:02pm - We meet Melissa, Theresa's sister-in-law who is possibly more of a guidette than Theresa. Aaaand drama already...
9:04pm - Wow, seems like all these women ever do is go to Christenings and fight...
9:06pm - Theresa is admitting to being broke...kinda. Joe's fulltime profession is now the pizzeria. Priceless.
9:09pm - Albie and Chris are getting their own (surprisingly normal sized) apartment. That is one bachelor pad I def wouldn't mind visiting ;)
9:11pm - Did Jacqueline get a nosejob? Something looks different...just sayin
9:13pm - Ugh okay Lizzie Grubman would NOT be comforting a crying intern (Ashley) if the cameras weren't around!! #unrealistic
9:19pm - So Ashley is crying about...her own lateness to her internship? And her parents not paying for an apartment? Wahhh...
9:22pm - Theresa and her brother are fighting because he didn't come to her book signing and she doesn't like his wife. Cue introduction package...
9:24pm - New Real Housewife Melissa says she's expected to be a "cook in the kitchen, lady in the parlor, and whore in the bedroom". Classy.
9:29pm - Kathy is the other new Housewife - Theresa's cousin. And she's friends with Melissa. Cue quotes about the importance of "blood family".
9:30pm - Melissa has amazing fashion sense...pink latex and white feathers. So on trend...
9:32pm - Between Kathy and Melissa does anyone on this show not see it as their mission to constantly cook for their family?
9:35pm - I don't get the Manzos' "Cajun Voice". I miss The Ham Game...
9:45pm - And now Melissa had the nerve to steal Theresa's hairdresser?! That's like taking Ramona's pinot grigio.
9:48pm - Ugh not only is Joe walking around shirtless but now Theresa is talking about them having the runs. Vom.
9:50pm - Can someone please change their name to something other than Joe or Guissepe? I'm so lost...
9:52pm - Not going to the church for a Christening is apparently a major snub. Seriously, Theresa, that's pretty bad. Religion etiquette on #RHONJ
9:57pm - Audriana is rocking a Royal Wedding quality hat at the Christening. Fierce lil lady!
10:06pm - Chris Manzo is quitting the Brownstone?!? #EndOfAnEra
10:10pm - I don't like Melissa...but Theresa isn't exactly in the right so far tonight either.
10:14pm - Fist fight at a Christening! Amazing! I was worried about #RHONJ without Danielle but this is good.
10:18pm - Okay I like Kathy!! Good head on her shoulders looking out for the kids!
10:21pm - I've seriously lost track of what's going on. The Joes have been fighting for like a full 5 mins and death threats have been made. Scary.
10:25pm - To add to the confusion, now we're all screaming in Italian and repeatedly saying "You're my father!" Awkward to even watch at this point.
10:28pm - Wait that's it for tonight? Just previews for the season that include Melissa in some latex BritBrit getup. Loves it!
10:30pm - Loved live blogging this premiere! Now watching the replay to fully comprehend what just happened...and hopefully figure out all the Joes.

Not the red leather pants again...

Joining the race for the Best Song by a Reality Star Grammy Award (no, there isn't actually such a thing...settle down, Kathy Griffin) is Simon Van Kempen from The Real Housewives of New York. All songs by reality stars are pretty special, but there are several things that make Simon's "I Am Real" particularly amazing:

The use of great vocab words like "duality" and "preen".

Mentioning "Twitter" in songs always equals musical credibility...

..as does stealing your wife's bad catch phrases ("thug in a cocktail dress").

Simon looks like a scary German WWE wrestler in the picture.

The lyrics flash on the screen during the video! Just like Sesame Street! Actually, we really do need the written lyrics to decipher the combination of Simon's bad singing and annoyingly pretentious accent.

Lastly, "I Am Real" has one of the most poignant concepts for a celebrity - especially a reality star - to sing about: self-importance! Loves it!

American Idol makes me feel old

As they sung songs from the year they were born, we learned that no American Idol contestant was born before 1984. Thus, I am as old or way older than every contestant. Thus, I am getting pretty damn old. So I voted for the girl who is exactly 10 years younger than me, almost to the day. She's pretty awesome.
One cool thing that American Idol is doing this year is utilizing online voting. Why they didn't use this fairly basic technology earlier idk (too easy?), but they have upped the game and the stalker factor by requiring you to be a Facebook member to vote. And then why not give you the option to automatically send a post to your wall telling all your friends who you voted for? You even get a cool little widget which tells all your 2,000 friends how they too can vote for an increasingly irrelevant talent competition and simultaneously overshare about it! Creepy, but smart promotion.

Actually, American Idol has drastically improved on their talent pool this year. I've begun to truly enjoy following it again. Just don't get me started on the judges...

Liveblogging: The Bachelor finale!

Team Chantal! Well, actually I don't like either of the final two ladies all that much, but I'm def not Team Emily. Really I'm Team Michelle to become The Bachelorette! Here we go...

8:01pm - Boring recap package... Time to load up on snacks and drinks!

8:05pm - In case you somehow missed it, we're in South Africa. Brad's family has flown out to help him pick a lady, and it is so touching how emotional Brad gets when he sees them. He's such a good ole' boy!

8:07pm - After a very long and dramatic pause, Brad reveals that he is 100% considering proposing to someone at the end of this whole process. Well...yah, I think we already knew that didn't we?

8:10pm - Doorbell rings and Chantal arrives. And wait, one of the brothers is Brad's twin?!? They so don't look it. And the other one is younger?!? They're both married though, chillax ladies.

8:14pm - Okay, maybe they do look more alike than I realized. Brad's hotter though. But really, Brad's Mom, you named your sons Brad and Chad?

8:17pm - Chantal is definitely hitting it off with Brad's family, but I guess it's pretty easy to do so when you keep talking about how amazing he is and how much you want to marry him. And she's definitely ready for marriage...just ask her.

8:23pm - Ugh after not hearing it for two weeks I almost forgot how annoying Emily's baby voice was. "Hiiiii..." Her turn to meet the fam.

8:27pm - So Emily tells her sob story, obvi. And hearing the way she tells this story I'm still just not convinced that she's emotionally over her ex and ready to fully give herself to someone else.

8:32pm - Brad's family seems to be totally captivated by Emily and her sob story difficult past. I'm getting worried that she's going to get the sympathy win which pisses me off because I've never seen her and Brad connect on anything other than her situation and her daughter. Who is EMILY, and aside from being the Southern Ken and Barbie how do her and Brad connect as people? Hmmm?

8:39pm - The editing in the conversation between Brad and his mother made it so hard to know who they were talking about at any given moment. She likes Emily better but feels more comfortable around Chantal? Whattt? But the fam is def Team Emily.

8:46pm - For their date, Brad and Chantal are going swimming with sharks. Totes safe. Why do so many dates on this show have to involve the girl being scared and crying?

8:57pm - Chantal presents Brad a present of...a handmade map with all the places they've been labeled? Wow, I didn't realize 5th grade social studies projects were good gifts for the guy by whom you want to be proposed to.

9:05pm - Emily's final date involves a helicopter ride and amazing views. How original for this show!

9:14pm - Why is Emily giving Brad such a hard time about being ready to be a father? Brad is freakin 37 years old and shows every quality of being a great dad. Give a brotha a break.

9:25pm - Brad stares out the window iof his suite in South Africa and contemplates the two women. He's so conflicted! Gosh this is so hard!

9:28pm - Brad knows what woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with! Now it's time to pick out an outrageously expensive but comped engagement ring. And he picks a good one.

9:32pm - The girls are writing in journals and staring longingly into space while touching voiceovers play. Now they're dressing for the big night. Kinda symbolic that Chantal is wearing a vixen-esque black dress with feathers and Emily is wearing angelic white? Pathetic that I'm thinking about symbolism within The Bachelor?

9:40pm - Chantal is up first to talk to Brad, which based on Brad saying he had to do something very difficult probably means she's getting dumped.

9:42pm - "I have stronger feelings for someone else...." Annnnnd cue tears.

9:46pm - The hangy ribbon thing is totally sticking out of Chantal's dress on her left side. AND she just got dumped. All on national television. Poor gal, I was really gunning for her.

9:57pm - Brad is so cute stammering through his proposal speech. Such a great guy. Totes jels.

9:59pm - So many "I love yous" being exchanged. So many kisses. Such a happy ending for the Southern Barbie and Ken. A little too perfect and predictable of story arch for the season that it ended this way, but I can't deny that this is a touching moment. They're so damn happy it's sickening.

10:01pm - But now who's going to be the next Bachelorette? I was actually pretty sure it was going to be Emily (though that would have been such a boring season). We shall find out TONIGHT on Jimmy Kimmel. I'm so stating up late for this. It's like a little kid waiting up for Santa.

Long skirts: Pretty or Pilgrim?

Long skirts, anywhere from just below the knee to floor grazing, seem to be popping up in every major retailer for spring 2011. This trend seems odd to me since spring and summer are the time when we usually reveal more skin, but I can't deny the chicness of this look. These skirts seem to be the natural progression of the overdone maxi-dress. I tried a few on this weekend but haven't been able to fully commit to the look. I felt pretty, romantic, and comfortable in the flowy fabrics, but couldn't shake the feeling that I was seriously compromising my sex appeal. Are these skirts too bag-lady boho? Too high school orchestra? Too Mayflower chic? If you do decide to try it make sure to keep the look modern by making the accessories chunky, the shoes delicate, and the shirt not too tight but not too loose. I've also seen great success pairing these skirts with belts in American Apparel's current window display and Express's lookbook.

Express, $49.90 ($39.90 in stores)

American Apparel, $52 (also available in ankle length)

Fashion Week Day 2: Farah Angsana

If I ever become famous, I plan on wearing Farah Angsana on pretty much every red carpet. Asking me to choose only one look from her fall 2011 collection that showed today at Lincoln Center would be tortorous. The collection of cocktail dresses and gowns was glamorous and evoked a femme fatale feel, especially with the red lips and hair in french twists. The collection contained dark navys and blacks, jewel tones, and rich metallics with accents of crystal, fur, and beading. Hemlines were dangerously short and several models wore sparkly black masquerade masks, combining sex appeal and drama with a touch of whimsy. Though most of the looks were very sparkly and bold, a few understated flowy gowns kept the collection from being over the top. The finale look elicited an audible gasp from the audience as the model wearing a silver semi-sheer gown of crystals and feathers rounded the corner onto the runway, draped in a white and pale grey fur shawl. The pieces in Farah Angsana's collection are looks that will demand attention and captivate any any audience: on the runway, red carpet, or at any cocktail party at which the wearer wants to be the most sought after yet mysterious woman in the room.

Pre-Fashion Week: Dannijo presentation

Sister designers and celebrity favorites Dannijo debuted their fall 2011 collection of jewelry on Tuesday night, and showed that more is definitely more. Which is never a bad thing in my opinion. The pieces were big, bold, and glitzy. They showed statement necklaces (a trend that I feared was fading), cuffs, and bangles in mostly gold with pops of color and Swarovski crystal. I loved the choice to focus on gold, a metal that unfortunately too often gets a bad rap in the jewelry world. The gold was done tastefully though as many pieces were toned down with a worn, rustic feel. Dannijo cited inspiration for the collection as the frontier world of the wild west meeting the opulent roaring 20's. This motif showed not only in the jewelry, but also carried through in the log cabin/boudoir scenery for the presentation and even in signature cocktails including a modified warm cider...a perfect homey kick off to fashion week on a bitterly cold Manhattan evening.