Liveblogging: The Bachelorette premiere

Ashley H is back with a sexy new hair cut/color and 25 sexy men! Am I jels? Yes. Am I excited for this new season of The Bachelorette? Yes. Is red wine currently in my hand? Hells yes!

Btw, I'm taking a bit of a lax approach to this liveblog because I really want to drink enjoy the premiere. I'll mostly be re-capping during the commercials.

9:09pm - The first segment went to commercial really abruptly, but basically we learned that there's some major potential for douchebaggery this season and Ashley may get her heart broken. So in other words it's going to be a fun season to watch. We also learn that Ashley is so smokin hawt during some b-roll of her teaching a dance class in a mid-rif top!

9:22pm - We just saw the package where we get background information/sob stories about some of the guys. My early favorite by far is William! So hot and just a good mid-western boy. All around mostly hot and fairly nice-seeming except for the lawyer from N'Awlins and Bentley!

9:32pm - Just Ashley and Chris H talkin. But we have confirmation that Bentley is a douche! Never trust anyone named after a car. And just from everything Ashley is saying about her past experience I'm liking her more and more. So much more than Ali!

9:57pm - All the guys have exited the limo. There are so many who are so super cute and sweet! I'm not even going to attempt names at this point (except for William!), but I really like the guy with the camera, pretty much anyone who was from the mid-west (seriously, the Ohio and Michigan guys were killing it!), the winemaker, and the guy who worked with solar thingeys. There were def 3 or 4 guys who I could already peg as going home tonight. And mask guy! Total Phantom of the Opera creeper!

10:10pm - Ooooooh snap it's about to go down between Tim The Drunk and Jeff The Phantom of the Opera!

10:23pm - Tim got drunk, could barely form a sentence during his one on one time with Ashley, and then passed out on a lounge by the pool. Loves Tim! Seriously, as long as he didn't puke on me I would give him a rose. He gets a chance. As long as he doesn't get this drunk on a date again, at least you know he's a good time!

10:52pm - I'm not okay with the following gentlemen being sent home: the butcher, the baker, and the candlestick maker. Or rather: the butcher, the guy from Michigan with the spikey hair (Rob?), and the tall guy with the cool purple and pink tie (Jon?). In my book, a cool tie is as good of a reason as any to keep a guy in the first round. You can tell a lot more from his tie than his name, career, and hometown. Really now, let's not pretend that we actually know more than that about these guys yet.

Liveblogging: The Real Housewives of NJ premiere

9:00pm - Will The Real Housewives of New Jersey be as good sans-Danielle? Probs not, but we're about to find out...
9:02pm - We meet Melissa, Theresa's sister-in-law who is possibly more of a guidette than Theresa. Aaaand drama already...
9:04pm - Wow, seems like all these women ever do is go to Christenings and fight...
9:06pm - Theresa is admitting to being broke...kinda. Joe's fulltime profession is now the pizzeria. Priceless.
9:09pm - Albie and Chris are getting their own (surprisingly normal sized) apartment. That is one bachelor pad I def wouldn't mind visiting ;)
9:11pm - Did Jacqueline get a nosejob? Something looks different...just sayin
9:13pm - Ugh okay Lizzie Grubman would NOT be comforting a crying intern (Ashley) if the cameras weren't around!! #unrealistic
9:19pm - So Ashley is crying about...her own lateness to her internship? And her parents not paying for an apartment? Wahhh...
9:22pm - Theresa and her brother are fighting because he didn't come to her book signing and she doesn't like his wife. Cue introduction package...
9:24pm - New Real Housewife Melissa says she's expected to be a "cook in the kitchen, lady in the parlor, and whore in the bedroom". Classy.
9:29pm - Kathy is the other new Housewife - Theresa's cousin. And she's friends with Melissa. Cue quotes about the importance of "blood family".
9:30pm - Melissa has amazing fashion sense...pink latex and white feathers. So on trend...
9:32pm - Between Kathy and Melissa does anyone on this show not see it as their mission to constantly cook for their family?
9:35pm - I don't get the Manzos' "Cajun Voice". I miss The Ham Game...
9:45pm - And now Melissa had the nerve to steal Theresa's hairdresser?! That's like taking Ramona's pinot grigio.
9:48pm - Ugh not only is Joe walking around shirtless but now Theresa is talking about them having the runs. Vom.
9:50pm - Can someone please change their name to something other than Joe or Guissepe? I'm so lost...
9:52pm - Not going to the church for a Christening is apparently a major snub. Seriously, Theresa, that's pretty bad. Religion etiquette on #RHONJ
9:57pm - Audriana is rocking a Royal Wedding quality hat at the Christening. Fierce lil lady!
10:06pm - Chris Manzo is quitting the Brownstone?!? #EndOfAnEra
10:10pm - I don't like Melissa...but Theresa isn't exactly in the right so far tonight either.
10:14pm - Fist fight at a Christening! Amazing! I was worried about #RHONJ without Danielle but this is good.
10:18pm - Okay I like Kathy!! Good head on her shoulders looking out for the kids!
10:21pm - I've seriously lost track of what's going on. The Joes have been fighting for like a full 5 mins and death threats have been made. Scary.
10:25pm - To add to the confusion, now we're all screaming in Italian and repeatedly saying "You're my father!" Awkward to even watch at this point.
10:28pm - Wait that's it for tonight? Just previews for the season that include Melissa in some latex BritBrit getup. Loves it!
10:30pm - Loved live blogging this premiere! Now watching the replay to fully comprehend what just happened...and hopefully figure out all the Joes.

Not the red leather pants again...

Joining the race for the Best Song by a Reality Star Grammy Award (no, there isn't actually such a thing...settle down, Kathy Griffin) is Simon Van Kempen from The Real Housewives of New York. All songs by reality stars are pretty special, but there are several things that make Simon's "I Am Real" particularly amazing:

The use of great vocab words like "duality" and "preen".

Mentioning "Twitter" in songs always equals musical credibility...

..as does stealing your wife's bad catch phrases ("thug in a cocktail dress").

Simon looks like a scary German WWE wrestler in the picture.

The lyrics flash on the screen during the video! Just like Sesame Street! Actually, we really do need the written lyrics to decipher the combination of Simon's bad singing and annoyingly pretentious accent.

Lastly, "I Am Real" has one of the most poignant concepts for a celebrity - especially a reality star - to sing about: self-importance! Loves it!

American Idol makes me feel old

As they sung songs from the year they were born, we learned that no American Idol contestant was born before 1984. Thus, I am as old or way older than every contestant. Thus, I am getting pretty damn old. So I voted for the girl who is exactly 10 years younger than me, almost to the day. She's pretty awesome.
One cool thing that American Idol is doing this year is utilizing online voting. Why they didn't use this fairly basic technology earlier idk (too easy?), but they have upped the game and the stalker factor by requiring you to be a Facebook member to vote. And then why not give you the option to automatically send a post to your wall telling all your friends who you voted for? You even get a cool little widget which tells all your 2,000 friends how they too can vote for an increasingly irrelevant talent competition and simultaneously overshare about it! Creepy, but smart promotion.

Actually, American Idol has drastically improved on their talent pool this year. I've begun to truly enjoy following it again. Just don't get me started on the judges...

Liveblogging: The Bachelor finale!

Team Chantal! Well, actually I don't like either of the final two ladies all that much, but I'm def not Team Emily. Really I'm Team Michelle to become The Bachelorette! Here we go...

8:01pm - Boring recap package... Time to load up on snacks and drinks!

8:05pm - In case you somehow missed it, we're in South Africa. Brad's family has flown out to help him pick a lady, and it is so touching how emotional Brad gets when he sees them. He's such a good ole' boy!

8:07pm - After a very long and dramatic pause, Brad reveals that he is 100% considering proposing to someone at the end of this whole process. Well...yah, I think we already knew that didn't we?

8:10pm - Doorbell rings and Chantal arrives. And wait, one of the brothers is Brad's twin?!? They so don't look it. And the other one is younger?!? They're both married though, chillax ladies.

8:14pm - Okay, maybe they do look more alike than I realized. Brad's hotter though. But really, Brad's Mom, you named your sons Brad and Chad?

8:17pm - Chantal is definitely hitting it off with Brad's family, but I guess it's pretty easy to do so when you keep talking about how amazing he is and how much you want to marry him. And she's definitely ready for marriage...just ask her.

8:23pm - Ugh after not hearing it for two weeks I almost forgot how annoying Emily's baby voice was. "Hiiiii..." Her turn to meet the fam.

8:27pm - So Emily tells her sob story, obvi. And hearing the way she tells this story I'm still just not convinced that she's emotionally over her ex and ready to fully give herself to someone else.

8:32pm - Brad's family seems to be totally captivated by Emily and her sob story difficult past. I'm getting worried that she's going to get the sympathy win which pisses me off because I've never seen her and Brad connect on anything other than her situation and her daughter. Who is EMILY, and aside from being the Southern Ken and Barbie how do her and Brad connect as people? Hmmm?

8:39pm - The editing in the conversation between Brad and his mother made it so hard to know who they were talking about at any given moment. She likes Emily better but feels more comfortable around Chantal? Whattt? But the fam is def Team Emily.

8:46pm - For their date, Brad and Chantal are going swimming with sharks. Totes safe. Why do so many dates on this show have to involve the girl being scared and crying?

8:57pm - Chantal presents Brad a present of...a handmade map with all the places they've been labeled? Wow, I didn't realize 5th grade social studies projects were good gifts for the guy by whom you want to be proposed to.

9:05pm - Emily's final date involves a helicopter ride and amazing views. How original for this show!

9:14pm - Why is Emily giving Brad such a hard time about being ready to be a father? Brad is freakin 37 years old and shows every quality of being a great dad. Give a brotha a break.

9:25pm - Brad stares out the window iof his suite in South Africa and contemplates the two women. He's so conflicted! Gosh this is so hard!

9:28pm - Brad knows what woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with! Now it's time to pick out an outrageously expensive but comped engagement ring. And he picks a good one.

9:32pm - The girls are writing in journals and staring longingly into space while touching voiceovers play. Now they're dressing for the big night. Kinda symbolic that Chantal is wearing a vixen-esque black dress with feathers and Emily is wearing angelic white? Pathetic that I'm thinking about symbolism within The Bachelor?

9:40pm - Chantal is up first to talk to Brad, which based on Brad saying he had to do something very difficult probably means she's getting dumped.

9:42pm - "I have stronger feelings for someone else...." Annnnnd cue tears.

9:46pm - The hangy ribbon thing is totally sticking out of Chantal's dress on her left side. AND she just got dumped. All on national television. Poor gal, I was really gunning for her.

9:57pm - Brad is so cute stammering through his proposal speech. Such a great guy. Totes jels.

9:59pm - So many "I love yous" being exchanged. So many kisses. Such a happy ending for the Southern Barbie and Ken. A little too perfect and predictable of story arch for the season that it ended this way, but I can't deny that this is a touching moment. They're so damn happy it's sickening.

10:01pm - But now who's going to be the next Bachelorette? I was actually pretty sure it was going to be Emily (though that would have been such a boring season). We shall find out TONIGHT on Jimmy Kimmel. I'm so stating up late for this. It's like a little kid waiting up for Santa.

Long skirts: Pretty or Pilgrim?

Long skirts, anywhere from just below the knee to floor grazing, seem to be popping up in every major retailer for spring 2011. This trend seems odd to me since spring and summer are the time when we usually reveal more skin, but I can't deny the chicness of this look. These skirts seem to be the natural progression of the overdone maxi-dress. I tried a few on this weekend but haven't been able to fully commit to the look. I felt pretty, romantic, and comfortable in the flowy fabrics, but couldn't shake the feeling that I was seriously compromising my sex appeal. Are these skirts too bag-lady boho? Too high school orchestra? Too Mayflower chic? If you do decide to try it make sure to keep the look modern by making the accessories chunky, the shoes delicate, and the shirt not too tight but not too loose. I've also seen great success pairing these skirts with belts in American Apparel's current window display and Express's lookbook.

Express, $49.90 ($39.90 in stores)

American Apparel, $52 (also available in ankle length)

Fashion Week Day 2: Farah Angsana

If I ever become famous, I plan on wearing Farah Angsana on pretty much every red carpet. Asking me to choose only one look from her fall 2011 collection that showed today at Lincoln Center would be tortorous. The collection of cocktail dresses and gowns was glamorous and evoked a femme fatale feel, especially with the red lips and hair in french twists. The collection contained dark navys and blacks, jewel tones, and rich metallics with accents of crystal, fur, and beading. Hemlines were dangerously short and several models wore sparkly black masquerade masks, combining sex appeal and drama with a touch of whimsy. Though most of the looks were very sparkly and bold, a few understated flowy gowns kept the collection from being over the top. The finale look elicited an audible gasp from the audience as the model wearing a silver semi-sheer gown of crystals and feathers rounded the corner onto the runway, draped in a white and pale grey fur shawl. The pieces in Farah Angsana's collection are looks that will demand attention and captivate any any audience: on the runway, red carpet, or at any cocktail party at which the wearer wants to be the most sought after yet mysterious woman in the room.