Grenade whistlllle!

Jersey Shore new season January 6th, bitch! Is it just me or did this kinda sneak up on us? Trailer's here!

Jersey Shore - MTV Shows

This is my friend!

Diddy has been known to do some over-the-top stunts and great viral videos. I've always felt a kindred spirit with Diddy, we have the same birthday and I got to interview him once. Which of course makes us besties. Well now one of my real life good friends has randomly made his way into Diddy's viral hall of fame by literally being in the right place at the right time. Check out my friend Chris being accosted by Diddy around the 2 minute mark.



And buy Last Train To Paris by Diddy Dirty Money in stores December 14. (You're welcome for the free promotion)

Not impressed

Lake Shore is supposed to be the Canadian Jersey Shore or something like that, except way lamer. When I heard the title Lake Shore I thought the show would be aboot a bunch of lumberjacks partying in a pimped out log cabin on the Great Lakes. That's what they do in Canada, right? Well no, it's actually all boring cliche Euro trash kids with one Asian chick thrown in. No one even has a proper Canadian accent. Sadness.



And what ever happened to K-Town?!?

Dear "The Real World"...

Dear The Real World,

Oh how I used to love thee so. Oh how my primary goal in life was once being a cast member on the show. However, I write today to express my disgust in your lack of creativity and to inform you that there are still fun cities out there that you have not yet filmed in.

The 25th season of The Real World is currently being filmed in Las Vegas, making this the third repeat city for the show. Possibly more if you call their BS on "Los Angeles" and "Hollywood" being two different cities. While Vegas is probably my favorite city in the world and will make for great television shenannies, I must point out that this is also technically the third season you have done in Sin City (season 12, and Reunited: The Real World Las Vegas which was 6 episodes so totally counts as a season). That is pathetic.

Have you never heard of such places as Atlanta? St. Louis? Montreal? Phoenix? Even Pittsburgh for cryin out loud? Seriously, Real World producers, get creative. Maybe I am freakin old compared to most of your viewers, but I'm still watching and I can remember far back enough to know that you are running out of ideas and spoon-feeding me the same crap! Granted I'm willingly eating your crap...but I would like some different crap please.

Sick of eating crap,
Megan

P.S. - The cast of the new Real World: Las Vegas includes an actual gay porn star, so this season may be more entertaining than the amateur porn the show usually gives us.

Top Chef All-Stars is going to be sweet

Bravo, thank you! You really know how to pick an all-star cast. Season 8 of Top Chef is going to include 18 previous contestants returning for a full season of competition. The cast was announced last night, and I must say there's not one person who I would have wanted to watch not make the list. Maybe Stephen from TC7, but even I know better than to put him on an all-star list. Bravo found the perfect balance between the hot messes with over the top personalities and the people who were truly the best chefs who just missed winning the title. Smart move to bring Tre back, he truly was a kick ass chef who was sent home far too early (8th place). I'm really hoping that Marcel will bust out some new jams like "They say my food lacks salt and pepper, but I'm like yo man, whatever" as well as generally antagonize people. Casey and Jennifer are easily two of the hottest women ever to compete on TC and can still absolutely cook, and male eye candy will be provided in the form of Spike (or Fabio I guess, if you're into suave Italian men with accents).

I think 18 contestants may be a bit too many, but since we already know the names and the personalities it should still be manageable to follow in the early episodes. Plus the large number of contestants likely means exciting double eliminations or being eliminated on Quick Fires to speed up the process. Top Chef All-Stars is being taped in New York City, so I'm just hoping for the chance to stalk them possibly have a totally random TC sighting.

"I Love Money" is back...WTF?!?

After the dramz that happened with alleged I Love Money 3 winner Ryan The Murderer, VH1 pulled the franchise for what we all thought was going to be forever. Thankfully, this turned out not to be the case...although the network is not very proud of it.

I Love Money 4 quietly premiered on Thursday, September 16th on VH1 at 11pm Eastern. No quality show ever has a run time that late at night. I knew nothing about this and sadly missed the premiere. No promos ran, and VH1 does not even have a page for the show on their website, making I Love Money the shameful bastard child of the network. The show was taped over a year ago around the same time as the never-to-be-seen IL$3, but has been re-edited to focus more on the competition than the relationships between cast mates (soooo...no sex? how?). An official message on the VH1 message board states that the show has been revised slightly "to fit better with our current programming". So I guess this all means that VH1 realised how much of a hot mess they were and decided that they needed to stop putting crazies and murderers on their reality shows. But we loved VH1 as a hot mess!

Sadly it looks like this show is going to fail, but I think VH1 wants it that way. The random timeslot of the show and minimal replays mean that barely anyone will end up seeing it. Episodes are also not posted on the internet like with other VH1 shows, which means in today's net-obsessed world they'll lose a large viewership. Focusing on the game and not personal stories will also probably make the show boring, so those who do find a chance to watch will be less likely to become repeat viewers.

I understand the decision to pull Megan Wants a Millionaire mid-season and not air IL$3 (although it tore two pieces out of my little heart!), but why mess with IL$4 when its cast doesn't include any current felons? Newsflash, no one wants to watch Fantasia for Real! We want trashy Z-listers rolling around in mud and hooking up with multiple people! I Love Money 4 includes several tools from Daisy of Love, some walking STDs from Rock of Love Bus, and some of the more "wholesome" cast members of Megan Wants a Millionaire. The trailer looks decent, but I suspect that a lot of great programming was probably left on the cutting room floor in light of this situation.

Fashion Week Day 5: Jenny Packham

Jenny Packham brought some true glamour to the tents with her Spring/Summer 2011 runway show Monday morning. The designer's collection was inspired by the elegance and excitement of young women at debutant balls, and thus the looks had Blair Waldorf written all over them. The colors were muted and romantic: blue, grey, ivory, and blush pink. Packham's gowns and cocktail dressed had a youthful sophistication, incorporating lots of sparkle and a few beautiful watercolor prints. So many perfect red carpet moments are to be had from this collection. Though Packham is known for her gowns, one of my favorite looks was actually a shorts outfit consisting of a blousy sleeveless bow-neck top and a pair of gold fully beaded shorts. The collection was stunning and cohesive but may have verged on too much of the same, as many dresses were nearly twins in full and knee lengths. Thankfully, a few embellished shirt-dresses broke the mold and provided a surprising twist on preppy glamour.

Things I like...free wine!

Fashion Week is winding down, so I wanted to give thanks to something that made it just a little more enjoyable: Kim Crawford Wines. Kim Crawford is a New Zealand based wine company who sponsored this season's Mercedes Benz Fashion Week and provided the best gift ever of free wine in the lobby of the Lincoln Center tents. They had a chic booth set up which felt like as much like a real bar or lounge as could be possible within the tents...complete with people pushing their way to the front to get a drink. Normally I'm more of a red wine fan, but it was hot so I tried the Sauvignon Blanc which was refreshing and fruity. It was the perfect drink after the chaos and exhaustion of Fashion Week, so thanks KC!

Fashion Week Day 5: Indashio

On Monday I attended what loosely resembled a fashion show for Indashio's Spring/Summer 2011 collection at Style 360. This event was formatted as a fashion show but felt more like a rave/Anime cartoon/hip hop tranny convention. Indashio is a young fashion designer who was the winner of VH1's Glam God, one reality show that I surprisingly did not watch. His style is out there to say the least, and attracted an audience to match. The collection was filled with bright neon colors, graffiti-like prints, metallics, sequins, feathers, and every other flamboyant detail you can imagine. I liked the sequin dresses and the purple bikini, but high fashion or sophisticated this collection was not. The night was quite the extravaganza though. Sitting front row were Paul Johnson Calderon of High Society (one of my favorite people in the world!) and Janice Combs (Diddy's mom). Amber Rose walked the runway to open and close the show, and other notable models included almost every contestant from America's Next Top Model (winners Jaslene and Caridee, and I'm pretty sure Amanda from cycle 3). Plus shirtless and pantsless men! I definitely saw some major bulge. Although honestly it was hard to tell whether some models were men or women. If the model wearing the gold lame' bikini was a women, apparently Indashio made leg shaving optional because homegirl (boy?) was pulling a Mo'Nique. The Indashio show certainly had its fair share of tranny ferocia and was not apologizingggg for it...but overall was bordering more on hot mess.

Fashion Week Day 4: Walter

Walter showed their Spring 2011 collection on Sunday as part of opening day of Style 360 at the Metropolitan Pavilion. Denise Richards, Alex McCord, and Simon Van Kempen sat front row to view the collection of laid back cocktail looks. I loved the chiffon dresses with over-sided gold sequin detailing on the shoulders. However, I haven't been loving the muted color palette that Walter and many other designers have been showing this season. The Recession is (somewhat) ending and these are spring collections, lets have fun with some color! Despite the drab tones, Walter displayed a clean, cohesive, and wearable collection containing flowy dresses, blouses, and some beautiful ombre and asymmetrical pieces. A few looks were paired with what the program noted as a "horn scarf", which looked more like a very long grey cotton snake wrapped around the neck several times. These felt a bit bizarre, but still overall a nice showing from Walter.

Fashion Week Day 4: Rebecca Minkoff

A designer mostly known for her handbags, Rebecca Minkoff showed her collection of RTW clothing, bags, and shoes in a presentation at Lincoln Center yesterday afternoon. The collection had a downtown sophisticate vibe with leather, hardware, and other edgy details on pieces with feminine silhouettes. The color palate was mostly neutrals, but a few red dresses and a pair of metallic shorts provided a very needed pop. Minkoff's famed handbags played a featured role in her Spring 2011 collection, some of my favorites being the envelope clutch and the luggage-like leather doctor bag. The hair also played a key role in creating the look of Minkoff's downtown bohemian girl, as the models wore the tousled loose waves that I only wish I could re-create in real life without looking borderline homeless. A standout point in the presentation was the statement jewelry from Made Her Think, especially an over-sized pewter and gold metal fringe necklace. Michelle Trachtenberg was in attendance to view the collection, and Danny Masterson (aka DJ Mom Jeans) provided the soundtrack for the afternoon. Delightfully random, a great compliment to the polished yet ready for anything attitude of Minkoff's collection.

Fashion Week Day 3: Whitney Eve by Whitney Port

Last night Whitney Port presented her Whitney Eve Spring 2011 collection at a studio in the Meatpacking District. Whitney was of course in attendance and busy mingling while tending to the fine tuning details of the night. The City co-star Samantha Swetra was among the guests, who enjoyed lemon juleps from Svedka Vodka and cookies and other treats from Sugar Factory. The Whitney Eve collection consisted of vibrant and flirty rompers, skirts, dresses, and a few drapey pants. I loved the color palette including coral, lilac, and khaki green, a color I've been seeing a lot of this season. Whitney also included some fun geometric prints and lightweight fabrics, making the looks appear effortlessly chic and comfortable. The one look I wasn't a fan of was the crop top. Are we really doing this? I know I'm not and would prefer others not to as well, especially with a slit down the middle of the top. The muted colors and jacket are the only thing that make this look one step up from classic JWOWW, but overall it's only one misstep in an otherwise fresh and wearable collection.

Fashion Week Day 2: Fashion's Night Out

Complete insanity. I'm just barely recovering now, a day and a half later. From the moment I tried to exit the subway at Prince Street on Friday night I knew Fashion's Night Out was going to be craziness. I have never seen so many people trying to walk up the subway stairs short of Halloween in the West Village, and the streets were also swelling with a massive slow moving crowd walking from store to store (in heels on cobblestone...fun!). We popped in and out of numerous stores along Prince Street in search of free champagne, and even though I questioned the validity of events and freebies on Fashion's Night Out encouraging people to shop, I did break down and buy a bra in Calvin Klein. But...at 75% off!

Our primary destination for the night was a party at the Elie Tahari store. The party had an Old Manhattan theme with old fashioned cocktails and champagne, an antique polaroid photographer, and a musical performance by the Nunziata twins Anthony and Will of classic standards. The store was beautiful, and the subtle details such as the cocktail waitresses' 1920's style hats were perfection. Elie Tahari himself even made an appearance which was absolutely a treat.

After one too many glasses of champagne and one chaotic crowd moment on the way home as Karl Lagerfeld exited his car (not that I even got to see him through the excitement), Fashion's Night Out officially wore me out. Good that so many people were so excited about fashion, bad that they all chose to exercise this excitement in the same five block radius. Fashion's Night Out on my couch next year is sounding pretty damn good.

Fashion Week Day 1: Farah Angsana

Only one show into Fashion Week Spring 2011 and I'm already dyyyying. Farah Angsana's collection was amazing and totally up my alley. Give me bling and metallics and I'm sold. The collection was inspired by Farah's home country of Indonesia, and the influence played just enough of a part to be obvious without hitting you over the head with ethnicticity (yes, I invented a word). The incorporation of Indonesian culture was mostly in the head pieces, ranging from small accent combs to gorgeous gold Indonesian crowns. Farah showed some of my favorite trends such as metallics, flirty ruffles, and of course rhinestones and other forms of bling. I loved the color combination of green and gold throughout the ending pieces, especially the final look of a long sleeved cocktail mini-dress with Swarovski crystal accents and a plunging neckline. The photograph does not do this dress justice, the whole audience literally gasped and broke into smiles when the model walked out. Among that audience were self-proclaimed fashionistas (okay, most of the world would probably agree) Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen of The Real Housewives of New York. I absolutely loved this show, it set the bar very high for what is to come over the next seven days. And judging by the quality of these pictures, maybe I should invest in a new camera to set my photography bar high as well...

Retraction

About a year ago I wrote a glowing review of 230 Fifth, but was admittedly a bit of a hater when it came to their signature red robes. I'm a believer that people should really think about the weather when dressing to go out and take into account how much time is going to be spent outdoors. If you're going to a windy rooftop bar on a cooler summer night, bring a damn jacket. This avoids annoying whining and bitching about the cold, and most people have that friend who is constantly guilty of this. However, on Thursday I had to eat my words as I sat shivering at 230 Fifth. I looked around at the bar and saw about half of the patrons clad in red synthetic fleece/terry cloth blend, and it still made me a little queasy. Then a gust of wind came by, I rationalized that dozens of other self-respecting New Yorkers had sacrificed fashion for warmth, and grabbed the nearest robe. It felt heavenly. Despite the mystery fabric, the robes are incredibly soft and actually make the wooden benches and metal chairs more comfortable. And you can't look like a fool if everyone looks like a fool, it all gets cancelled out. Maybe the robes are actually a little bit tongue in cheek, a slight "eff you" to uppity New York fashion? I guess when in Rome... But if you do join the cool kids and indulge in a robe, just don't keep the hood up. You look silly and it's NEVER that cold during rooftop bar season in NYC. So I'm sorry, robes. Accept my appology?

Live Blogging: Bachelor Pad

This post is brought to you by the modern day Shakespeare...only better and cuter. Thanks to Gia for the insight, she will be missed.

8:02pm - Wow, Shakespeare is already using sophisticated phrases of poetry like "blowing smoke up each other's asses". Great use of figurative language!

8:06pm - The kids receive a package with anonymous surveys that they must feel out about each other with amazing questions like "who is the dumbest". Just when I think the challenges cannot get any better THIS happens. I can't wait for the tears to start in 5, 4...

8:09pm - I got strangely excited during the promo for the announcement of the Dancing with the Stars cast. This makes me question my own standards.

8:12pm - Now they all have to guess the results of the survey and get points for correct guesses. Genius.

8:14pm - Elizabeth won "most shallow", but doesn't consider herself shallow OR know what it means.

8:16pm - And Natalie picked herself for "dumbest" which actually shows she's kinda smart, yet STILL gets is wrong. Gwen was voted the dumbest, really? Tenley gets a winning point by correctly guessing this but cannot live with winning the game for calling someone dumb. Can't we just agree all these ladies are equally the dumbest and call it a day?

8:23pm - Omg the crying needs to stop. According to the poll, Natalie will never get married which upsets her greatly (I thought she'd welcome the lifetime of random sex), Wes is a jerk AND can't do simple logic or math, and the girls have a collective secret crush on Dave?!? Ew.

8:26pm - Elizabeth was voted "worst boob job" which was the last question to determine the winners of Tenley and Jesse B. The winners get to have one on one dates this time around which means more sex, and Elizabeth thinks she and Kovacs are on the chopping block and starts what is sure to be an epic make-up-less ugly-cry confessional. Stay tuned for the waterworks, bitches!

8:32pm - Natalie is breaking down obvi, but actually having an intelligent breakthrough about the way she's perceived. You know what, maybe Natalie is really not all that dumb! Elizabeth though is completely shattered that she has a bad boob job. Is this news to her? Does the house not have mirrors?

8:43pm - Ugh I am not going to be able to stomach watching this date b/w Tenley and Kiptyn. T's voice, laugh, and general personality are beyond annoying. Brief pause for food and then promptly losing it...

8:53pm - Jesse B picks Peyton for his one on one date. Which is very chivalrous considering they've already shacked up in the fantasy suite...and everything that goes along with it. I'm happy for them, possibly because Jesse B is by far the hottest guy in the house and my roommates said that of all the girls in the house that I'm most like Peyton. Let me live vicariously through this...

8:55pm - Meanwhile kittens are singing and bunnies are smiling on Tenley and Kiptyn's date.

8:59pm - Omg they're actually going to the fantasy suite...and the doors are closing! I seriously thought Tenley would reject the offer and have a nervous breakdown over the implications. Slut.

9:04pm - I actually really like Tenley's dress (the black strapless with the gold waist). And it totally pains me to say that.

9:11pm - Peyton and Jesse B are totally a perfect redneck couple who will go to state fairs, ear corn dogs, and bet on the pig races. Loves it! Also loves that she's now getting him drunk on martinis, which he's never had before. Get it gurl!

9:17pm - Only now the redneck has gone to a bad level of burping and pouring vodka in champagne. Dude, be classy and respect the champagne. Peyton is not feeling it. Maybe no sexin tonight?

9:20pm - NO SEXIN! Peyton denied the fantasy suite. No sex on Bachelor Pad is a first, this feels weird.

9:40pm - The past 20 minutes have been filled with boring strategy talk and DWTS announcements, but there's finally something relevant to report because voting has begun and Gwen has horrible extensions in.

9:46pm - Kiptyn is being a pussy. He can't vote Gwen off because she hasn't done anything to him and he'd feel bad. Does homeboy know this is a GAME? Does he have balls? Tenley, confirm or deny?

9:56pm - Rose ceremony. Krisily and Wes are going home, and Krisily is going off! Well said lady, people in this house are shady, have no balls, and the couples are annoying as hell. I'm going to miss Shakespeare dearly as well.

Who WASN'T in the Emmy's opening number?

The opening number of last night's Primetime Emmy Awards was pretty awesome and pretty much all anyone is talking about this morning. Host Jimmy Fallon brought together an all-star, if not somewhat random, group of celebrities to perform in a Glee inspired skit and performance of "Born to Run". Jimmy helps four of the actual Glee clubbers form a group to peform in a competition in order to win $1205, the amount they need to pay for their tickets to the Emmy's (plus $5). Amazing cameos by Tina Fey, Tim Gunn (wish he would have sang), and especially hotness Joel McHale! Kate Gosselin randomly appears too and I almost didn't recognize her in the 20 pounds of makeup and glitter she was wearing, but then lol-ed when I finally did. Sad to say I'm pretty much over this whole Betty White obsession, but if homegirl would have actually gotten on stage and performed I probably would have excused this. Age is no excuse, look at Liza. But who the eff was that other random brunette chick who looks like a cheap version of Lea Michelle? I spent most of the night thinking it was Emmanuelle Chriqui from Entourage, and then this morning researched and researched and researched until finally someone confirmed that it was Nina Dobrev from The Vampire Diaries. Seriously, Jimmy? You couldn't even get the sister from Twilight or something? I guess I can excuse one total Z-lister though because this performance rocked my life.

Celeb sightings: Reality star edition

Spotted: Project Runway season 4 alum Kevin Christiana at the Barrow Street Ale House in the West Village last Thursday. He still looks exactly the same as he did on ProRun back in 2007 is easily recognizable with his signature facial hair. None the less, my gentlemen companion asked how the hell I recognized him, and sadly I had to admit it's because I watch way too much television.

Spotted: Current Top Chef contestant Ed Cotton at the bar of the Smyth Hotel in Tribeca, where he is the executive chef of their Plein Sud restaurant. Friday night I was pre-gaming with some friends who were hotel guests, and in walks a familiar looking man in a chef coat. After having a total omg moment, we went over and talked to him for about 20 minutes. He could not have been cooler! He's still with the girl he was dating during the show, and he has been with Plein Sud since they opened almost 6 months ago (with a slight break to do a lil TV show on Bravo, you may have heard of it...) Apparently there's still no proof about what happened during Pea-Puree-Gate 2010, although to me the case seems pretty obvious and totally rules in Ed's favor. As of press time Ed is one of the final 6 contestants on the show, and I think he has a great shot at the title. Team Ed!

Speed chaos

I don't know how much actual dating went on at last night's "World's Largest Singles Dating Event", but there was a lot of flirting, awkward rejection, and not-so-organized chaos.

SingleAndTheCity.com and Groupon held an event at Slate in an attempt to break the record for the World's Largest Dating Event. I think the number of "daters" for the record was determined by those participating in one of 12 themed speed dating sessions, but like many things at this event that was unclear. Participants bought admission to the party at Slate on Groupon, and then had access to a multitude of activities and freebies throughout the night: a margarita cocktail hour, appetizers, light desserts, "speed gaming" (match-ups in pool and ping pong), free advice from a flirting coach, love tarot card readings, photo booths, free condoms scattered throughout the venue, and the main events of the speed date sessions. Daters were encouraged to sign up for a particular session ahead of time, but this system became irrelevant as the speed dating sessions (especially the later ones as people enjoyed more and more free margs) became more of a free-for-all. Usually speed dating is highly organized and scheduled to a T, but at last night's event daters were coming and going from their "assigned" seats as they pleased. Which unfortunately made the flow of speed dating all but impossible.

I suppose drunk twenty, thirty, and (unfortunately) forty-somethings don't appreciate organization as much as I do, because everyone seemed to be having a really good time. The general mixing areas were crowded, lively, and at times contained more sexual tension than an episode of Gossip Girl. Unfortunately there were probably almost twice as many women as men, so the few really attractive guys had a small harem surrounding them. I did spot several budding one-on-one connections developing deep into the night, and one couple leaving hand in hand after canoodling in the corner for quite some time.

Myself? I was approached a few times by 4's and 5's (along with numerous event photographers), but couldn't snag the attention of any of the guys I really had my eye on. But I got some free drinks, some yummy chicken skewers, and learned that I need to work on my approach anxiety. I suppose when free apps, good people watching, and self-discovery are involved, the night can never be a total loss.

Live Blogging: Bachelor Pad

Usually I enjoy a fine glass of 3 Buck Chuck Cab Sav while writing these live blogs, but judging from the previews Bachelor Pad doesn't warrant that kind of class. So Bud Light it is. So excited for this debacle!

8:02pm - Season preview time! Omg if Wes and Gia get together hell will probably freeze over. Homeboy deserves zero happiness.

8:04pm - Wes on crazy Michelle: "If you hook up with her you probably have to worry about her chopping your thang off in the middle of the night." Okay, that quote totally made me like him again...almost.

8:07pm - Omg if Tenley giggles one more time... Yay for Jesse B lookin totally bangable! Back off Natalie.

8:08pm - It's hilarious that Gwen from season 2's age is "??". Actually she looks great. Maybe...37?

8:10pm - So apparently Nikki and Juan dated or banged or something like that. Why is that awkward? Haven't they all banged each other already? If not they will by the end of episode 2.

8:15pm - Elizabeth as a blonde = thumbs down. Not everyone can be blonde and fabulous biotch!

8:20pm - Craig M is totally channeling R-Pats with his hair. Plus I can see his nips through his shirt. And obvi The Weatherman is not haps.

8:27pm - So Chris Harrison tears the kids away from their mimosas for a second to explain the rules. There will be challenges, and the winner gets a rose. They can give that rose to someone and ask them out on a date. Then each week the guys must vote off a girl and the girls must vote off a guy. Or something like that. Oh yah, and Melissa Rycroft is here.

8:28pm - They're all staying in the same room in bunkbeds. That's pretty awesome.

8:30pm - The girls get together and decide they want to get rid of Craig M first. I fully support that decision, but somehow feel it's not going to be quite that easy...

8:35pm - Ohhhhh the winner of the challenge gets to go on 3 dates! Wrap it up kids. The first challenge is Twister...creative.

8:37pm - Omg Tenley mixed up her left and right feet and was eliminated from Twister. Priceless.

8:39pm - Apparently no one knows their left from their right. Pathetic.

8:40pm - Jessie (girl) also doesn't know her left from her right and Craig M wins. Are we sure they're not fixing this shit?

8:42pm - Ugh okay it's not 3 dates it's 1 date with 3 people. And then Craig gives one girl a rose at the end of the date and makes her safe from elimination. My brain is starting to hurt from the rules of this show and that's not right. Craig and Jessie made a pact they they'd choose each other no matter who won so she's in. Now it looks like the rest of the girls are gonna slut it up to get chosen for the date even though Craig is slimy.

8:51pm - Sex noisesssssss!

8:56pm - Back from the commercial, and the investigation begins: who hooked up last night? Everyone seems to think it's Michelle and Craig, but Michelle is on the deny campaign.

8:58pm - Craig's choices for his date are Jessie, Gwen (nice move inviting the old hot chick, Craig), and Elizabeth (so Craig can win her over since she's leading the anti-Craig campaign).

9:02pm - Craig and the ladies are on a beach date...but nothing interesting is happening other than Elizabeth being a manipulative lil slut.

9:08pm - Natalie is like totally obsessed with Jesse B. That's disappointing. Sadly I think he's actually genuinely reciprocating and not just using her for booty or votes.

9:11pm - So Melissa Rycroft appears and says Craig needs to give out his rose now, and then that girl is the only one who continues on the date where they get a private concert...a totally new date concept for The Bachelor. He chooses Jessie, and Elizabeth and Gwen get in the limo to go back to the house. The concert is by someone no one's ever heard of, who turns out to be the former lead singer of The Calling. Meanwhile in the limo, Elizabeth is team pissed about not getting the rose from a guy she doesn't even like. Great person.

9:20pm - Jesse K and Elizabeth kinda had a thing before this, but he's totally "dumping" her ass because apparently it's not smart to be attached to anyone in this game. Aka, he wants to be able to hook up with other chicks.

9:22pm - Elizabeth is totally bawling. This is awesome.

9:25pm - Michelle is still (rightfully?) mad that Tenley told people she bumped uglies with Craig, so she goes into the bathroom to talk to Tenley about it. This actually seems to me like the mature thing to do, but Tenley is sooooo scared because Michelle "locked her in the bathroom" and made her cry, a lot. Does being on Team Michelle in this situation make me a crazy person by association?

9:33pm - Krisily (?) wants to vote out the strong, "smart" guys like Jesse K and Dave. Natalie tells Dave this because they're "good friends" (she totes wants her Jesse B cake and wants to eat Dave too), and thus possibly turns the guys against Krisily. Meanwhile Elizabeth is totally in love with Jesse K and trying to talk him into some plan that involved them not talking to trick everyone into keeping them in the house.

9:42pm - Every person must individually cast a vote to kick off a member of the opposite sex. I strongly prefer this to them having to come to a team consensus. But Elizabeth is totally trying to rally the girls against the love of her life Jesse K now. Wtf?

9:45pm - Craig M just straight up lied to Michelle and told her he didn't vote for her. He totally did.

9:57pm - Juan and Michelle are auffed. A little crazy and a lot of drama just exited, and that's a shame this early in the game. Team Michelle!

Restaurant Week: Part 1

New York Restaurant Week is a two week event that occurs twice a year during which over 250 of the city's top restaurants offer 3 course prix-fixe meals at a highly discounted rate. This is obvi an amazing way for people who may not have otherwise been able to afford these restaurants to experience some of the city's amazing upscale culinary cuisine. Perfect for broke-ass wannabe-cultured entertainment professionals like myself. Prices for the prix-fixe meals are $24.07 for lunch and $35 for dinner.

Megan's personal Restaurant Week tip: Many restaurants have identical menus for lunch and dinner, so go for lunch to get an even better value.

I took my own advice to heart and took myself on a lunch date to Smith & Wollensky (49th Street and 3rd Avenue). I've been wanting to eat here ever since Andi threw Miranda Priestly's unwanted steak from S&W in the sink in The Devil Wears Prada movie. It looked so delicious, what a waste. I would have kept it for myself and savored every bite of that magnificent steak that I special ordered and picked up at 10:30am before the restaurant even opened, silently telling my job and my boss to go eff themselves... But oh yah, the real life food.

I opted to upgrade my lunch to include Smith & Wollensky's own Restaurant Week wine offering: $30 for the regular prix-fixe plus a glass of wine from a limited list. My chosen meal consisted of a glass of cabernet sauvignon, a caesar salad, filet mignon, and a slice of cheesecake. The wine portion was generous and with the Restaurant Week price significantly cheaper than normal at $6 (compared to S&W's cheapest wine by the glass at $11). The salad was refreshing with a delicious caesar dressing, and the bread basket included a variety of different breads and a flavorful whipped butter. The filet mignon was just as perfect as the steak in my daydreams. The 10 oz fillet was tender and cooked to a perfect medium-rare. I don't typically use steak sauce, but Smith & Wollensky's own sauce was a perfect compliment to the filet providing a subtle smokiness and great flavor. I'm also not much of a dessert person but do love a good cheesecake, and S&W's delivered with it's almost mousse-like creaminess. The waitstaff was extremely attentive and conversational without being overwhelming, and I left Smith & Wollensky feeling relaxed and gluttonously happy, the perfect sophisticated break from the workday.

The kids are back

Oh no...

Those were my exact words when I found out that the Babelgum kids (famous for their Jersey Shore re-make among others) had re-made The Real Housweives of New Jersey. Nothing good can come of this...except for everything good. Like is that seriously a boy playing Caroline? Good casting?



http://wwwbabelgum.com/5007094/kids-reenact-real-housewives-nj.html

More "Jersey Shore" musics

Expect this jam to be competing with "The Situation" rap for the top spot on itunes this week. Another Grammy worthy musical release from the Jersey Shore cast, DJ Pauly D's "Beat Da Beat Up (It's Time To)". There is nothing even resembling singing in this song, which is what makes it so amazing.

Best lyric: "When that beat hits you, you need to fight back. So what I need you to do right now is get down real low and tap that ground. Keep hittin it! Keep hittin it! Now wind your way up. Break that beat! Break that beat! Now pump! Your! Fist!"

Wise words. Good advice.

Asian-American groups, get ready to protest

There have been rumors of Jersey Shore spin-offs featuring basically every ethnic group under the sun (literally under the sun, remember GTL). Any Irish ones basically got eliminated because our "T" would have to be changed to "B" for "burn" which isn't a cute look, and thus ended my chances of trashy reality fame.

The one spin-off that seems to be coming to fruition is K-Town, which focuses on the famed Koreatown party section of LA. Tyrese is producing this series which stars eight sexy hard-partying Asian twenty-somethings, including one alleged porn star (Peter). They shot a pilot recently and made an amazing trailer, but I can't decide whether I'm going to really like this show or find it embarrassingly racist.

Pros: The cast clearly knows how to party, fight, and hook-up, and there's a parallel character to all of our favorite Guidos from Jersey Shore. Cons: Cheap cutesy mentions of karaoke, various Asian foods and drinks, and a Ke$ha song covered with a fake Asian accent. I know Jersey Shore went through a lot of crap for how they portrayed Italians, but the Italians in that cast portrayed themselves in that way. Not the editing, not a theme song, not a voice over.

K-Town producers, don't poke fun at a culture with gimmicks in post-production. It looks like the cast will willingly provide more than enough racial stereotypes to keep your viewers satiated and advertisers pissed off.

Bi-polar much, Danielle?

Wtf? Isn't this Danielle's good friend Danny who she needed so badly to protect her at the Brownstone? How quickly the tides turn in this crazy lady's head. To be fair they probably both have a bit of crazy in them, but to go from needing someone to protect you to calling them a "celebrity stalker" is juuuuust a bit of a 180. YOU kept inviting him out, crazy bitch!

It's a shame, I used to really like Danielle and just wanted to give her a big hug and tell her everything was going to be okay. Clearly I was wrong.

Update: This is NOT Danielle's Brownstone bodyguard, that's Danny Provenzano. HOW MANY EX-CON FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?!?

Danielle Staub’s past has come back to
haunt her and now the police are involved, RadarOnline.com has
learned exclusively. Danny Aguilar, a convicted felon who was once charged as
Staub’s co-defendant, called the Real Housewives of New Jersey star on Sunday
night demanding $100,000 he says she still owes him for bailing her out years
ago with some big time drug dealers.

Aguilar told RadarOnline.com “My money got her out of trouble with these
drug dealers. They wanted her dead and I didn’t want them to kill her. I paid
for it. We all got popped, everyone went to jail and she snitched.” Staub was
arrested in Miami in 1986 along with Aguilar for extortion and intent to
distribute cocaine. Staub entered into a plea bargain with prosecutors and
agreed to testify against Aguilar and others in exchange for five years
probation and mandatory cocaine testing. Aguliar went to prison.

Aguilar told RadarOnline.com in an exclusive interview that his
conversation with Staub on Sunday night quickly turned ugly, with Staub calling
Aguilar a “celebrity stalker.” She threatened to sue him for defamation of
character. Aguilar says he told Staub “I’m the ‘Real McCoy, I’m the one that did
15 years in a federal penitentiary over you. I’m no stalker.”

Staub contacted police, RadarOnline.com learned. And 15 minutes after they
hung up the phone, Aguilar claims a detective from the Wayne, NJ police
department called him and told him stalking is a crime in New
Jersey.

Live Blogging: The Bachelorette

I miss Kirk... :*(

8:00pm - Tonight is slated to have yet another dose of scandal...can't wait!

8:03pm - Butttt first they're going to make us sit through introspective commentary and flashbacks of how all the guys are falling sooooo in love with Ali. I love watching the same clips for the thousandth time.

8:07pm - Frank admits he may still be in love with his ex, but is also falling in love with Ali. So he just has to confont Nicole the ex about his feelings. Cue the commercial, the drama has officially started!

8:11pm - Frank admits he hasn't talked to Nicole in months, but thinks she still may have feelings for him too. Who did the dumping in this situation? Oh the mystery!

8:15pm - Frank is talking to Nicole, who was apparently shattered when Frank left her. Frank admits he would think about Nicole and not Ali as he fell asleep at night. This conversation is intense and there are a lot of awkward silences.

8:18pm - Frank and Nicole are nuzzeling foreheads. Nicole says she can't live without Frank, and apparently he can't live without her either because he says she's the one he wants to be with forever. Now he just needs to fly to Tahiti and tell Ali. SO MUCH DRAMA! But seriously, Frank, that was a quick decision...

8:24pm - In all the Frank drama I almost forgot...this is fantasy suite week!! Thank you for reminding me, Ali. Let the Tahitian sexin begin!

8:26pm - Roberto has the first date, and they're going on a helicopter tour. Wtf is up with the abnormal amount of helicopters this season? This is seriously like the 4th or 5th heli-date. Lame.

8:29pm - Now they're having a picnic and frolicking on a heart-shaped island. Vomit. They're def gettin it on later.

8:40pm - They're at dinner and Roberto is having trouble expressing his emotions, but finally tells Ali that he's falling in love with her. The card from Chris Harrison arrived and Roberto acts all surprised to find a key inside. Well played, sir. Annnnnd they're off to the fantasy suite because Ali "doesn't want to lose a minute of time with him."

8:47pm - Next up is Chris L. And they're going on a boat motha fuckas.

8:51pm - Now they have to swim over to another island for the second part of their date? No thanks, I'd be staying on the motha fuckin boat.

8:52pm - Oh, by "swim" they meant "Ali straddles Chris while he walks over to the island".

8:54pm - Now they're finding pearls, which is actually pretty cool...until Ali uses the pearls as a metaphor for their relationship. Again, lame.

8:58pm - Ugh, Ali's tie dye tunic top is horrific. Fashion Fail!

9:02pm - Chris also opened up with his emotions during dinner. I mean, you pretty much have to at this point to stay in the game. And off to the fantasy suite they go!

9:04pm - Chris L said the L word! Not even just "falling in love", his direct quote was "God I love you!" He's def gettin laid now.

9:10pm - Frank arrives in Tahiti to tell Ali his decision. But first he's going to talk to Chris Harrison. This is going to be an intense 15-20 minutes. Lots of sighing and awkward silences.

9:13pm - You can so tell Chris Harrison wants to punch Frank in the face.

9:22pm - Now Frank and Ali are finally having their talk. This is super hard to watch.

9:27pm - They're both crying. Ali can't understand why Frank didn't bring up Nicole sooner. I mean, duh. It's obviously not a great situation for Ali, but I think Frank handled this as best as he could.

9:30pm - Ali is really upset. But I can't tell whether she's truly upset about losing a shot at love with Frank, or just upset that she got dumped.

9:34pm - Ali, stop mentioning how you gave up your freakin job to be here. No one cares. You say Frank is being selfish, but you're being just as selfish be holding the whole "quitting your job" thing over everyone's heads.

9:47pm - Nothing is really happening...except for my level of "like" for Ali going down and down...

9:56pm - So since Ali has two roses and two guys left they each get one, but she wants to make a big to-do about making sure they're accepting the roses with their whole hearts and fully committing to her. Foreverrrrrrrrr.

10:00pm - "The Men Tell All" next week. Always a good time. There were some serious crazies this season and I can't wait to hear what they have to say.

Genius marketing

Check out the newest Quiznos commercial...loves it! Those Toasty Torpedoes are damn tasty. But bring back the Sponge Monkeys!




http://perezhilton.com/2010-07-18-one-of-the-oddest-commercials-weve-ever-seen

Celebrity Rehab: Reality star edition!

The cast for season 4 of Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab is starting to take shape, and I'm giddy with excitement! Confirmed and unconfirmed castmates include Jeremy London and his wife (I think I was just barely too young to appreciate him in his heartthrob days) and one of the Pointer Sisters (pretty sure my parents listened to them). But then it starts to get really exciting with the inclusion of Tila Tequila, Jason "Gummy Bear" Davis, Jason Wahler, and most recently announced Janice Dickinson! Okay so Tila was in, then her rep announced she was out, but I haven't given up hope. Jason W is still major hotness, and Janice is one of my favorite hot messes in the world. I seriously love the woman, think she's entertaining as hell, and really respect her as a brand. I actually didn't realize she still had a substance abuse problem though...

I couldn't help but notice that over half the alleged cast has gained fame on a reality show (or two, or three...), so let's see how they stack up:

Jason "Gummy Bear" Davis - 1 (kinda, one episode of Millionaire Matchmaker)

Tila Tequila - 1 (A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, 2 seasons)

Jason Wahler - 3 (Laguna Beach, The Hills, Celebrity Rap Superstar)

Janice Dickinson - 5 (America's Next Top Model, The Surreal Life, The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, Abbey & Janice: Beauty and the Best, I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here, ...AND she actually had a career!)

Hail Queen Janice! Celebrity Rehab will be her 6th reality show which is impressive/sad/inspiring. No premiere date is set for Celebrity Rehab 4, but filming is rumored to have started.

Sadly, I'd actually eat this...

Behold: the Candwich. The sandwich in a can. It took me quite awhile to figure out whether this was a food or a drink, but I'm pretty sure it is a solid sandwich that is packaged in a can so that it stays...fresh? Although a drink that tasted like peanut butter and jelly wouldn't be such a bad thing either. There's 3 varieties of Candwich: PB&J Grape, PB&J Strawberry, and BBQ Chicken. I don't know exactly where to buy the Candwich, but my guess is either the dollar store or Big Lots. Ya know, places that have little regard for expiration dates or oldness of their food products, and the Candwich "has a long shelf life that is perfect for emergency food storage needs in the event of natural disasters." Practical.

Sadly there's some legal dramz involving the investors and creators of the Candwich, but without this shadiness we probably would have never been introduced to this fine food product.

I need to stop watching teen shows

There's been quite a bit of buzz surrounding MTV's new scripted comedy The Hard Times of RJ Berger. The premise of the show is simple, genius, and yet juvenile at the same time: a teen nerd becomes famous for his huge penis. Well not "famous", but like "high school famous" which is almost more important than real fame. I'm really enjoying this show because they're pushing buttons about as much as a show geared toward teens can (in the most recent episode the mom masturbates on the clothes dryer), but I'm a little perplexed by the casting choice for RJ.

Paul Iacono does a fine job as the title character, but isn't he a little too hot to be playing one of the biggest dorks in school? I don't have a cougar crush on him or anything (for once) but Paul is fairly good looking and while small, not scrawny at all. Just take a moment to observe the pecks next time RJ wears a tight t-shirt. Warning: he does this a lot. They've also styled RJ more mis-matched hipster than clueless dork, which then puzzles me as to why he's such an outcast. Plus, why don't more girls wanna bang him now that they know what he's packing? To be continued...it looks like at some point in the season RJ is going to get some.

PS - MICKEY PARKE makes a cameo later in the season!! Mickey freakin Parke from 2ge+her! Okay, actually actor Alex Solowitz who played Mickey Park in the hit MTV movie and TV series 2ge+her...about an awesome fictional boyband. Mickey Parke has one ho, and one ho only, and that's Mickey Parke fool! Guess MTV still had contractual obligations with him after 2ge+her was abruptly cancelled. (RIP, QT...)

Jersey Shore season 2 trailer bitchesssss!

No words. Just relish this awesomeness.

MTV Shows

We got grenades man!

http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/533558/jersey-shore-season-two-trailer.jhtml#id=1642704

Live Blogging: The Bachelorette

It's GirlfriendGate 2010 (as opposed to GirlfriendGate 2009 which ended in an impromptu drunk country song). Let the lies begin!

8:02pm - So we're with Ali and the boys in Turkey this week, which is actually pretty cool.

8:03pm - Ali says she's so happy and "nothing can go wrong"...and then Chris Harrison knocks on her hotel door. Which is never a good thing.

8:09pm - That was intense. The producers got a call from former Bachelor contestant Jessie, who was friends with Ali and now apparently wants to get herself remembered before going on Bachelor Pad. (She was the Chris N of Jake's season.) Ali calls Jessie, and Jessie drops the bomb that Justin has a girlfriend and that she's sitting with her right now. Double bomb. Conveniently cameras were there to tape Jessie's side of the call. Cue girlfriend-Jessica sobbing into the phone that Justin told her he was going on the show to further his wrestling career, he would get to the top 3, get famous, make $, and come back and marry her. But Jessica just found out that Justin has ANOTHER secret girlfriend. Triple bomb! So Justin was cheating on Ali with Jessica, and cheating on Jessica with another hoe. Needless to say, Justin and Rated R now both need plane tickets back to Canada.

8:17pm - Ali and Chris H go to the guys suite where Ali makes a speech and just starts slamming Justin. She actually gets pretty snarky, I like it. Justin denies that he has a girlfriend and walks out of the hotel. Ali and the cameras are chasing him. Homeboy won't talk. It's a good thing Rated R got his cast off because it looks like he's about to walk all the way back to Canada. Ali just keeps shouting "You're gonna regret this."

8:22pm - Now Justin is now coming back to talk. He's finally admitting he's not into Ali, but denying any scheming.

8:24pm - Ali is Team Pissed and pulling the "I gave up everything for love and you did THIS" card. It's the most real I've seen her act all season.

8:26pm - As Justin literally walks out of the show for good, they're playing lovey voicemails that Justin has left for Jessica while being away. It's actually a really poetic moment of showcasing the two personas that Justin and Rated R showed the world. Cudos, editors.

8:31pm - Poor Craig R. He has a terrible namesake, he's easily the least good looking guy left, and he still didn't get his much desired (and needed) one on one date. Ty got it instead, but he also hasn't has a one on one so I can't call injustice.

8:34pm - They're at some kind of Turkish spa........no, bathhouse! Ow ow! Ali is wearing a spa outfit made out of a table cloth, and they're both wearing really weird sandals. Not sexy.

8:37pm - The group date card comes and Craig R's name is on it, which means that Frank is getting a second one on one. So NOW I am calling injustice. Meanwhile Ali and Ty are rubbing each other down and basically having sex in the bathhouse, which is okay because I think that's what bathhouses are historically for.

8:45pm - Ty's foot is so in his mouth. Part of the downfall of his previous marriage was not being able to accept that his wife worked full time. He's saying this to Ali of all people (we all know his history), but then seams to have an "oh shit" moment and totally backtracks by saying he learned and from it and has changed. So awkward...

8:49pm - ...but he gets the rose and they're dancing in the streets of Istanbul. Though Ali still has "concerns".

8:59pm - The group date involves "olive oil wrestling" vs professionals to compete for alone time. Ironic considering "The Wrestler" just got ousted. Watching this is just plain uncomfortable.

9:01pm - So the guys compete against each other and somehow Craig R wins and will get alone time with Ali. Good for him, all is now fair in love and olive oil wrestling.

9:11pm - During Craig R's one on one time there are literally fireworks...in the city of Istanbul. Watching Craig and Ali though is pretty boring, but so is this episode since GirlfriendGate 2010 ended.

9:21pm - Frank and Ali are at a market. Frank is making me lol a lot about pistachios and silly hats. Loves him.

9:23pm - They just bought a fucking carpet. They are officially an old married couple. This episode just got a whole lot funnier in the last five minutes.

9:29pm - THERE WAS JUST A COMMERCIAL FOR BACHELOR PAD!! Excited.

9:30pm - The carpet is now officially the third wheel on this date. I feel for ya, carpet.

9:34pm - They get all deep in conversation while dining in the middle of this pool or something like that. I have no idea what's going on, but Frank and the carpet get a rose.

9:45pm - Ali already knows who she wants to eliminate and there will be no cocktail party. Nunca. Right to the rose ceremony.

9:47pm - So this means Craig R is totes gone, right? Most of Ali's decisions have had a direct correlation to looks. (except for the unceremonious elimination of Jesse, sigh...)

9:53pm - Rose ceremony time. Annnnnd we have Roberto, Chris L, and...

9:54pm - Kirk. So Craig R is going home. The eliminations this season have been too damn predictable to keep the show interesting.

10:00pm - Coming up on The Bachelorette: major dramz. And then during the credits they show a blooper clip of Ty doing the "Risky Business" slide in costume while playing guitar and singing what seems to be "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". The unlimited supply of alcohol is getting to these guys, they now think they're on Rock of Love Bus.

New Forever 21 - grab your hardhats, ladies! (no seriously...)

Tomorrow, June 25, at 10am the massive new Forever 21 will open in Times Square. This will probably cause the second earthquake in the tri-state area this week. The new 4 floor, 90,000+ square foot store will (sadly) occupy the former Virgin Megastore retail space. Despite the slap in the face to history in regards to the location, I'm giddy with excitement about the new Forever 21. It's larger than I can possibly imagine or comprehend, only 4 blocks from my office, and is scheduled to have normal store hours until 2am. Those hours are absolutely insane, but perfect for buying a new outfit last minute before clubbing. (I apologize to retail workers in advance for my upcoming drunk visits at 1:30am.)

Of course the grand opening has some fun and freebies to celebrate the further demise of Times Square. The first 1000 shoppers in line will receive complimentary gift cards valued at anywhere from $10-$210, and there have been additional 10% coupons for opening day floating around the internets to VIPs (like me). Other festivities include a Minx Nails manicure station, makeovers featuring F21's cosmetics line Love & Beauty, a "red carpet" photo booth, and sheer pandemonium.

Seriously, Forever 21s in NYC are a war-zone on a normal shopping day, so I'm just a little scared for this 4 floor monster on opening day. Is fear going to stop me? Absolutely not. I'll do just about anything for freebies and discount trendy clothing.

When two great things combine

This is TMTH. Hanson, quite possibly my overall all-time favorite band, did a cover of Russel Brand/Aldous Snow's song "Furry Walls". This song and concept is significant as one of the only funny parts of the movie Get Him To The Greek. The furry wall from the movie kinda made my life, and stroking it actually did look really comforting. So when the world hands you a Jeffrey, go ahead, listen to this and stroke the furry wall.

Manzo Matchmaker

The Manzo brothers, Albie and Chris, will be among the "millionaires" being match-made by Patti Stanger on the upcoming season of Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker. The boys of course gained fame as Caroline's wisecracking sons on fellow Bravo show The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Season 4 of Millionaire Matchmaker is set to take place in New York City.

Over the past month or so casting calls for female daters for MM4 have been popping up left and right and creating quite the excitement among Manhattan's single women. I've been actively ignoring these castings because I'm saving myself for The Bachelor, but I may have to make an exception if it would mean a shot at dating a Manzo brother. The Manzos are looking for "brunette, Italian, Catholic girls" (me=no, no, yes!), but I still think I'm a great match for them. One out of three ain't bad right? Plus my family knows about The Ham Game and thinks it's hilarious, so I really think everything will just gel with me and Albie and/or Chris. I don't even care that they're not technically millionaires on their own merit, I'd make the perfect wife to the eventual car wash/strip club moguls. And seriously, they are pretty cute. Don't judge me.

Live Blogging: The Bachelorette

Live blogging is back bitches! American Idol got lame so I decided to kick it up a notch with a totally not lame show: The Bachelorette. You know what else is totally "not" lame? Ali wearing Converse with a ballgown.

This blog post is brought to you by Charles Shaw Cabernet Sauvignon. And by "brought to you by" I mean I'm drinking a lot of it.

8:01pm - Kirk has a big secret to reveal tonight. Ali is so smitten with him I really don't think much could be a deal breaker at this point. It's probably lame anyway.

8:04pm - Finally a 2 on 1 date this week! Loves it! And they have to compete for the 1 on 1 date by writing a love poem. Maybe someone will get real original and play the guitar too...

8:06pm - Poetry + Icelandic phrases + these morons = awkward

8:11pm - Kasey says "guard and protect her heart". Haven't heard that one before...

8:14pm - Poor Chris N. This guy has got the short end of the stick all season and then majorly bombed his poem.

8:16pm - Kirk gets the 1 on 1. Sex to commence in...10 minutes.

8:22pm - Ali and Kirk are shopping for Icelandic fashions including man-shrugs. Omg they just bought MATCHING sweaters. Nothing good can come of that. Nunca.

8:26pm - Kasey and Rated R are going on the 2 on 1 date! The producers are doing an especially good job at evil/entertaining predicaments this year.

8:30pm - I officially apologize for questioning the validity of Kirk's secret. I am an asshole. He had major health problems 5 years ago after living in an asbestos filled shitty college house.

8:33pm - Ali thinks it's inspiring and all that. Obvi. And "inspiring" = rose.

8:37pm - Kasey has gone off the deep end even more. He got the tattoo to "be a man". He's a Kasey Kale: dreamer, a believer, he loves to love and loves to give. That monologue was inspiring.

8:41pm - So there are ponies involved on the group date? Fill in your own sexual metaphor.

8:43pm - Now there are caves involved. Fill in the sexual blank.

8:44pm - Justin got his cast removed. It was "one small step for Justin, one giant leap for Rated R". His words, I couldn't make up something that cheesy if I tried.

8:54pm - Ali conveniently has a bikini on under her snowsuit. Because that's normal. Sexy times in the hot spring.

8:57pm - Frank is freaking out over not having time with Ali. But not doing anything about it. Homeboy is probably the most insecure 31-year-old man I've ever seen.

9:01pm - "It's like the Beauty and the Beast rooooose!" Has Ali never seen a rose before? Because last time I checked she has given or received over a dozen roses in the past year. The group date rose goes to...Cowboy Ty.

9:10pm - There's a helicopter involved for the third time this season on the 2 on 1 date. Please don't let Krazy Kasey in for fear of another amazing helicopter love song. They're flying over the erupting volcano that changed the world back in April. Actually this could make for a pretty entertaining Kasey song...

9:19pm - I really don't see Ali connecting with Rated R, but then again he isn't being a douche bag and screwing it up either. This 2 on 1 could go either way.

9:20pm - "The only thing Kasey has to do today is be normal." Well, he's not really capable of that so my money's now on Rated R ftw.

9:22pm - Omg I just seriously used "ftw" in a sentence. Self respect=0. AND HERE COMES KASEY'S TATTOO REVEAL!!! Surprisingly Ali doesn't seem that freaked out. Wtf?

9:24pm - Justin gets the rose. Maybe she was more freaked out by the tat than she let on. She's pulling the whole "you're going to make some other girl so happy" breakup speech. Annnnnd Kasey is left on the side of a volcano. Way harsher than Robby being left on the side of the train track during B'lette: Jillian.

9:27pm - According to Justin there were actually two roses given. I think he's going to make a bad tattoo joke, but then he says "one to Justin, and one to Rated R". Oh dear. I thought we just eliminated the Krazy one.

9:32pm - So I'm just thinking...We've NEVER seen Chris N get one on one time with Ali. His defining moment of the season was his awkward poem earlier tonight. Is he just not very interesting on camera after edits, or are he and Ali really not spending time together? If homeboy doesn't have a major breakthrough tonight he has to be eliminated, right?

9:35pm - Craig R made a joke magic market tattoo. Gotta love the last ditch efforts.

9:37pm - Chris N finally gets his moment! Yet has no personality other than claiming his ex said he was "funny" and he likes Mexican food. Def husband material.

9:40pm - Ugh Roberto's hot, we get it.

9:44pm - Brief pause while I open another bottle of 2 3 Buck Chuck. Don't judge, there were only 2.5 glasses left in the first one.

9:47pm - Oh snap, Chris Harrison! He thinks Ali may be afraid to let herself fall in love and said it to her face. Could be. CH is the man.

9:54pm - Rose ceremony time bitches! And Kirk is wearing the matching sweater. Darling. He, Rated R, and Ty already have roses. The rest go to...

9:56pm - ......Frank, Chris L, Roberto. Anyone surprised?

9:58pm - Craig R is in, Chris N is out. And thus ends another shocking edition of The Bachelorette: Ali tries to be Real. Ugh this chick really gets on my nerves. I think despite his unexplained love of Mexican food Chris N had some relationship potential. Kasey isn't here to bring the Krazy anymore, Rated R can walk, what do we have to look forward to?

10:00pm - Oh yah, of course they're going to Istanbul, Turkey! Hopefully someone will get high on hookah and do something dumb. Next week we find out that one of the boys has a girlfriend back home, Wes style. I've tried desperately to avoid spoilers so I'm guessing...Rated R? Guesses in the comments por favor.