Jersey Shore season 2 trailer bitchesssss!

No words. Just relish this awesomeness.

MTV Shows

We got grenades man!

http://www.mtv.com/videos/misc/533558/jersey-shore-season-two-trailer.jhtml#id=1642704

Live Blogging: The Bachelorette

It's GirlfriendGate 2010 (as opposed to GirlfriendGate 2009 which ended in an impromptu drunk country song). Let the lies begin!

8:02pm - So we're with Ali and the boys in Turkey this week, which is actually pretty cool.

8:03pm - Ali says she's so happy and "nothing can go wrong"...and then Chris Harrison knocks on her hotel door. Which is never a good thing.

8:09pm - That was intense. The producers got a call from former Bachelor contestant Jessie, who was friends with Ali and now apparently wants to get herself remembered before going on Bachelor Pad. (She was the Chris N of Jake's season.) Ali calls Jessie, and Jessie drops the bomb that Justin has a girlfriend and that she's sitting with her right now. Double bomb. Conveniently cameras were there to tape Jessie's side of the call. Cue girlfriend-Jessica sobbing into the phone that Justin told her he was going on the show to further his wrestling career, he would get to the top 3, get famous, make $, and come back and marry her. But Jessica just found out that Justin has ANOTHER secret girlfriend. Triple bomb! So Justin was cheating on Ali with Jessica, and cheating on Jessica with another hoe. Needless to say, Justin and Rated R now both need plane tickets back to Canada.

8:17pm - Ali and Chris H go to the guys suite where Ali makes a speech and just starts slamming Justin. She actually gets pretty snarky, I like it. Justin denies that he has a girlfriend and walks out of the hotel. Ali and the cameras are chasing him. Homeboy won't talk. It's a good thing Rated R got his cast off because it looks like he's about to walk all the way back to Canada. Ali just keeps shouting "You're gonna regret this."

8:22pm - Now Justin is now coming back to talk. He's finally admitting he's not into Ali, but denying any scheming.

8:24pm - Ali is Team Pissed and pulling the "I gave up everything for love and you did THIS" card. It's the most real I've seen her act all season.

8:26pm - As Justin literally walks out of the show for good, they're playing lovey voicemails that Justin has left for Jessica while being away. It's actually a really poetic moment of showcasing the two personas that Justin and Rated R showed the world. Cudos, editors.

8:31pm - Poor Craig R. He has a terrible namesake, he's easily the least good looking guy left, and he still didn't get his much desired (and needed) one on one date. Ty got it instead, but he also hasn't has a one on one so I can't call injustice.

8:34pm - They're at some kind of Turkish spa........no, bathhouse! Ow ow! Ali is wearing a spa outfit made out of a table cloth, and they're both wearing really weird sandals. Not sexy.

8:37pm - The group date card comes and Craig R's name is on it, which means that Frank is getting a second one on one. So NOW I am calling injustice. Meanwhile Ali and Ty are rubbing each other down and basically having sex in the bathhouse, which is okay because I think that's what bathhouses are historically for.

8:45pm - Ty's foot is so in his mouth. Part of the downfall of his previous marriage was not being able to accept that his wife worked full time. He's saying this to Ali of all people (we all know his history), but then seams to have an "oh shit" moment and totally backtracks by saying he learned and from it and has changed. So awkward...

8:49pm - ...but he gets the rose and they're dancing in the streets of Istanbul. Though Ali still has "concerns".

8:59pm - The group date involves "olive oil wrestling" vs professionals to compete for alone time. Ironic considering "The Wrestler" just got ousted. Watching this is just plain uncomfortable.

9:01pm - So the guys compete against each other and somehow Craig R wins and will get alone time with Ali. Good for him, all is now fair in love and olive oil wrestling.

9:11pm - During Craig R's one on one time there are literally fireworks...in the city of Istanbul. Watching Craig and Ali though is pretty boring, but so is this episode since GirlfriendGate 2010 ended.

9:21pm - Frank and Ali are at a market. Frank is making me lol a lot about pistachios and silly hats. Loves him.

9:23pm - They just bought a fucking carpet. They are officially an old married couple. This episode just got a whole lot funnier in the last five minutes.

9:29pm - THERE WAS JUST A COMMERCIAL FOR BACHELOR PAD!! Excited.

9:30pm - The carpet is now officially the third wheel on this date. I feel for ya, carpet.

9:34pm - They get all deep in conversation while dining in the middle of this pool or something like that. I have no idea what's going on, but Frank and the carpet get a rose.

9:45pm - Ali already knows who she wants to eliminate and there will be no cocktail party. Nunca. Right to the rose ceremony.

9:47pm - So this means Craig R is totes gone, right? Most of Ali's decisions have had a direct correlation to looks. (except for the unceremonious elimination of Jesse, sigh...)

9:53pm - Rose ceremony time. Annnnnd we have Roberto, Chris L, and...

9:54pm - Kirk. So Craig R is going home. The eliminations this season have been too damn predictable to keep the show interesting.

10:00pm - Coming up on The Bachelorette: major dramz. And then during the credits they show a blooper clip of Ty doing the "Risky Business" slide in costume while playing guitar and singing what seems to be "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". The unlimited supply of alcohol is getting to these guys, they now think they're on Rock of Love Bus.

New Forever 21 - grab your hardhats, ladies! (no seriously...)

Tomorrow, June 25, at 10am the massive new Forever 21 will open in Times Square. This will probably cause the second earthquake in the tri-state area this week. The new 4 floor, 90,000+ square foot store will (sadly) occupy the former Virgin Megastore retail space. Despite the slap in the face to history in regards to the location, I'm giddy with excitement about the new Forever 21. It's larger than I can possibly imagine or comprehend, only 4 blocks from my office, and is scheduled to have normal store hours until 2am. Those hours are absolutely insane, but perfect for buying a new outfit last minute before clubbing. (I apologize to retail workers in advance for my upcoming drunk visits at 1:30am.)

Of course the grand opening has some fun and freebies to celebrate the further demise of Times Square. The first 1000 shoppers in line will receive complimentary gift cards valued at anywhere from $10-$210, and there have been additional 10% coupons for opening day floating around the internets to VIPs (like me). Other festivities include a Minx Nails manicure station, makeovers featuring F21's cosmetics line Love & Beauty, a "red carpet" photo booth, and sheer pandemonium.

Seriously, Forever 21s in NYC are a war-zone on a normal shopping day, so I'm just a little scared for this 4 floor monster on opening day. Is fear going to stop me? Absolutely not. I'll do just about anything for freebies and discount trendy clothing.

When two great things combine

This is TMTH. Hanson, quite possibly my overall all-time favorite band, did a cover of Russel Brand/Aldous Snow's song "Furry Walls". This song and concept is significant as one of the only funny parts of the movie Get Him To The Greek. The furry wall from the movie kinda made my life, and stroking it actually did look really comforting. So when the world hands you a Jeffrey, go ahead, listen to this and stroke the furry wall.

Manzo Matchmaker

The Manzo brothers, Albie and Chris, will be among the "millionaires" being match-made by Patti Stanger on the upcoming season of Bravo's Millionaire Matchmaker. The boys of course gained fame as Caroline's wisecracking sons on fellow Bravo show The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Season 4 of Millionaire Matchmaker is set to take place in New York City.

Over the past month or so casting calls for female daters for MM4 have been popping up left and right and creating quite the excitement among Manhattan's single women. I've been actively ignoring these castings because I'm saving myself for The Bachelor, but I may have to make an exception if it would mean a shot at dating a Manzo brother. The Manzos are looking for "brunette, Italian, Catholic girls" (me=no, no, yes!), but I still think I'm a great match for them. One out of three ain't bad right? Plus my family knows about The Ham Game and thinks it's hilarious, so I really think everything will just gel with me and Albie and/or Chris. I don't even care that they're not technically millionaires on their own merit, I'd make the perfect wife to the eventual car wash/strip club moguls. And seriously, they are pretty cute. Don't judge me.

Live Blogging: The Bachelorette

Live blogging is back bitches! American Idol got lame so I decided to kick it up a notch with a totally not lame show: The Bachelorette. You know what else is totally "not" lame? Ali wearing Converse with a ballgown.

This blog post is brought to you by Charles Shaw Cabernet Sauvignon. And by "brought to you by" I mean I'm drinking a lot of it.

8:01pm - Kirk has a big secret to reveal tonight. Ali is so smitten with him I really don't think much could be a deal breaker at this point. It's probably lame anyway.

8:04pm - Finally a 2 on 1 date this week! Loves it! And they have to compete for the 1 on 1 date by writing a love poem. Maybe someone will get real original and play the guitar too...

8:06pm - Poetry + Icelandic phrases + these morons = awkward

8:11pm - Kasey says "guard and protect her heart". Haven't heard that one before...

8:14pm - Poor Chris N. This guy has got the short end of the stick all season and then majorly bombed his poem.

8:16pm - Kirk gets the 1 on 1. Sex to commence in...10 minutes.

8:22pm - Ali and Kirk are shopping for Icelandic fashions including man-shrugs. Omg they just bought MATCHING sweaters. Nothing good can come of that. Nunca.

8:26pm - Kasey and Rated R are going on the 2 on 1 date! The producers are doing an especially good job at evil/entertaining predicaments this year.

8:30pm - I officially apologize for questioning the validity of Kirk's secret. I am an asshole. He had major health problems 5 years ago after living in an asbestos filled shitty college house.

8:33pm - Ali thinks it's inspiring and all that. Obvi. And "inspiring" = rose.

8:37pm - Kasey has gone off the deep end even more. He got the tattoo to "be a man". He's a Kasey Kale: dreamer, a believer, he loves to love and loves to give. That monologue was inspiring.

8:41pm - So there are ponies involved on the group date? Fill in your own sexual metaphor.

8:43pm - Now there are caves involved. Fill in the sexual blank.

8:44pm - Justin got his cast removed. It was "one small step for Justin, one giant leap for Rated R". His words, I couldn't make up something that cheesy if I tried.

8:54pm - Ali conveniently has a bikini on under her snowsuit. Because that's normal. Sexy times in the hot spring.

8:57pm - Frank is freaking out over not having time with Ali. But not doing anything about it. Homeboy is probably the most insecure 31-year-old man I've ever seen.

9:01pm - "It's like the Beauty and the Beast rooooose!" Has Ali never seen a rose before? Because last time I checked she has given or received over a dozen roses in the past year. The group date rose goes to...Cowboy Ty.

9:10pm - There's a helicopter involved for the third time this season on the 2 on 1 date. Please don't let Krazy Kasey in for fear of another amazing helicopter love song. They're flying over the erupting volcano that changed the world back in April. Actually this could make for a pretty entertaining Kasey song...

9:19pm - I really don't see Ali connecting with Rated R, but then again he isn't being a douche bag and screwing it up either. This 2 on 1 could go either way.

9:20pm - "The only thing Kasey has to do today is be normal." Well, he's not really capable of that so my money's now on Rated R ftw.

9:22pm - Omg I just seriously used "ftw" in a sentence. Self respect=0. AND HERE COMES KASEY'S TATTOO REVEAL!!! Surprisingly Ali doesn't seem that freaked out. Wtf?

9:24pm - Justin gets the rose. Maybe she was more freaked out by the tat than she let on. She's pulling the whole "you're going to make some other girl so happy" breakup speech. Annnnnd Kasey is left on the side of a volcano. Way harsher than Robby being left on the side of the train track during B'lette: Jillian.

9:27pm - According to Justin there were actually two roses given. I think he's going to make a bad tattoo joke, but then he says "one to Justin, and one to Rated R". Oh dear. I thought we just eliminated the Krazy one.

9:32pm - So I'm just thinking...We've NEVER seen Chris N get one on one time with Ali. His defining moment of the season was his awkward poem earlier tonight. Is he just not very interesting on camera after edits, or are he and Ali really not spending time together? If homeboy doesn't have a major breakthrough tonight he has to be eliminated, right?

9:35pm - Craig R made a joke magic market tattoo. Gotta love the last ditch efforts.

9:37pm - Chris N finally gets his moment! Yet has no personality other than claiming his ex said he was "funny" and he likes Mexican food. Def husband material.

9:40pm - Ugh Roberto's hot, we get it.

9:44pm - Brief pause while I open another bottle of 2 3 Buck Chuck. Don't judge, there were only 2.5 glasses left in the first one.

9:47pm - Oh snap, Chris Harrison! He thinks Ali may be afraid to let herself fall in love and said it to her face. Could be. CH is the man.

9:54pm - Rose ceremony time bitches! And Kirk is wearing the matching sweater. Darling. He, Rated R, and Ty already have roses. The rest go to...

9:56pm - ......Frank, Chris L, Roberto. Anyone surprised?

9:58pm - Craig R is in, Chris N is out. And thus ends another shocking edition of The Bachelorette: Ali tries to be Real. Ugh this chick really gets on my nerves. I think despite his unexplained love of Mexican food Chris N had some relationship potential. Kasey isn't here to bring the Krazy anymore, Rated R can walk, what do we have to look forward to?

10:00pm - Oh yah, of course they're going to Istanbul, Turkey! Hopefully someone will get high on hookah and do something dumb. Next week we find out that one of the boys has a girlfriend back home, Wes style. I've tried desperately to avoid spoilers so I'm guessing...Rated R? Guesses in the comments por favor.

"Top Chef" afraid to get freaky?

Top Chef: DC started this week which means the summer TV lineup just got a huge boost, but I need to take umbrage with the first elimination decision for more reasons than one. John got eliminated during the premiere for his maple puff thingey, but it seemed like other contestants got harsher criticism like Jaqueline and Stephen the "hick" from Ohio. (eff you, Tracey, for saying that. don't get me started on you...) I thought the judges would have given John bravery points for attempting a dessert, but then again after seven seasons everyone should know better than to make a dessert on Top Chef. And if you absolutely have to, you make fruit.

More interestingly, I've been noticing a pattern with the first eliminated contestants over the past two seasons of Top Chef. They seem to be quickly eliminating the "freaks" with little culinary reason, which surprises me from a liberal network like Bravo. Are they scared or something? Are they worried the one conservative Bible-loving straight male who watches Bravo is going to be too weirded out? Jen, a young woman with huge gauged ear piercings and neck tats, was eliminated first from Top Chef: Las Vegas, followed by dread-locked John from the DC season who seemed to really love his maple trees if ya know what I mean. The remaining contestants are pretty white-bread, with the exception of flamboyant Arnold who hired a personal stylist and got a facial in preparation for the show (I'm also pretty sure he's a drag performer, unconfirmed though). Clearly he's my favorite.

C'mon, Bravo. Grow a pair and keep the "freaks". America can handle a bad tat or unwashed dreads as long as they bring it. (Hello? Crystal Bowersox?)