Tacky tats...that strangely turn me on

It feels so wrong and confusing to lust after a male figure skater, but during this year's Olympics Evan Lysacek has made me think dirty thoughts more than once. And he's straight! So I was quite haps when OK! magazine recently did a feature with shirtless pics of prominent Olympians, starring the very sexy Mr. Lysacek.

We must talk about this tattoo, a lightening bolt on the upper crotch. As one blogger put it, "Is Evan trying to make us think that his peen is Zeus or something?" Well maybe it is! I'm sure it's quite impressive. Despite the fact that I have no idea what this tat means and that it's pretty tickity-tack, it makes me horny. The penis V muscle is probs my favorite part of a guy's body, and the lightening bolt is like saying "this area is electric". And hot damn, I want to be electrocuted.

But he must lose the costume with the glittery snakes around his neck. Sorry, Vera. (Surprisingly I didn't mind the feathery one...)

A poorly acted Situation

Jersey Shore behind the scenes "rehearsal" footage.
(the video player isn't loving me today but click the link, I promise lols)

I don't think I've seen acting this bad since...well ever. Pretty damn funny though. And who knew Pauly D was pulling a Chuck Bass and covering his real British accent?

Silly nillys, we know you're actually just as toolish as you are on TV!

So THIS is where the German hipsters are...

Berry Park
Williamsburg, Brooklyn
4 Berry Street (b/w N 13th and N 14th Streets)
Brooklyn, NY 11211
718-782-2829
www.berryparkbk.com

Walking up to Berry Park you may feel like you're in the middle of nowhere, but inside it's all Germany all the way...with a few added quirks. Berry Park's reasonably priced menu boasts 16 German beers on tap (we liked the Leffe Blonde and the Double Chocolate Stout), a delicious hot mulled wine, and European inspired light fare. On select days they even have live old-world German music and dancers in lederhosen. However, what makes this traditional beer garden special is their unique blend of old-world and modern. This is Williamsburg after all, so one must keep the hipsters happy. And indeed they seem to be, bringing a unique style to the dance floor while the DJ spins mostly 50's and 60's rock and roll and Motown. With one random Lady Gaga song thrown in, about which I have no complaints. As much fun as Berry Park's main room is, a trip to this bar would not be complete without visiting the amazing roof deck. The views of Manhattan are breathtaking, and during the warmer months this rooftop becomes a lively outdoor beer garden. Or if you want to venture up and brave it in the cold New York winter more power to you, the view is probably worth a little frostbite.
Rating: 4.5 stars

"Idol" scandals already...shocker

The American Idol top 24 was announced this week and frankly my dear, I barely give a damn. I've fallen asleep during many of my attempts to watch this season's episodes, even during my beloved Hollywood week, because so far this season has suuuuuucked! (and admittedly I've usually been drunk)

A few weeks ago there was a rumor that Michael Lynch had been DQed (disqualified, not Dairy Queen-ed) because his father prematurely revealed his top 24 success to a local newspaper. Well, it's looking more and more like that was just a rumor because Michael is slated to compete in Wednesday's first male semi-final round. And I'm cool with that because I like this dude.

Then this week the REAL scandal broke involving Chris Golightly. Allegedly, homeboy had been under contract with a boyband and neglected to disclose that information to the producers. The contract ended a month before Golightly's Idol audition so technically he would have been eligible. However, he brushed over the truth about this in his initial paperwork, and apparently his manager effed up and couldn't find the proof that Golightly was a free man, so he was bumped from the competition in the final hour and replaced by Tim Urban. Cue some very creative editing during the top 24 announcement episode. But I'm also fairly cool with this because Tim is quite the hottie in a cougar cub/Zefron kind of way.

First of all, Golightly clearly has his priorities messed up if he was willing to walk away from a perfectly good boyband for American Idol. Secondly, I'm of the mindset that if you have a manager you probably shouldn't be auditioning anyway. I'm all about my Idol being an every-man type. Third of all, with all the shadiness and "lost paperwork" perhaps the Idol producers had to fudge all this to cover the fact the Golightly (btw best name EVER) was actually in-eligible due to Justin Guarini's 10 year racially-ambiguous-white-boy-with-a-fro monopoly. Because Guarini is a diva and can't take the competition.

FOURTH OF ALL, Idol is pissing me off for cutting arguably their best competitor, Thaddeus Johnson. This kid can sing better than most of the people they've had on the show in the past three years, yet somehow he was deemed unworthy of making the semi-finals. Really?!? Maybe they just knew that he would give a fantastic crying/screaming/cursing/locking himself in a bathroom stall fit upon receiving the bad news. And I'm really supposed to believe that it's still about the music?

Downgrade

Think it doesn't get any more D-List than competing on I Love New York? Wrong bitches!



Buddah from I Love NY season 2 (real people name Ezra Masters) appears in classy fast food chain McDonald's newest commercial. And he didn't even get the starring role. If I remember correctly, homeboy was a new agey life coach or a yoga instructor or something like that, so shouldn't he be morally opposed to stuffing your body with toxins? Nah, money talks...even in what I'm sure was very small amounts.

LES in the front, Jersey in the back

*under new name and ownership since review*

200 Orchard
Lower East Side
200 Orchard Street (b/w Houston and Stanton Streets)
New York, NY 10002
212-673-5350

Recently re-opened, 200 Orchard brings a unique vibe to this ever-changing LES location. Though it has many of the makings of a dance club, I'm hesitant to label it that for fear of scaring many people away who would actually really like this bar. 200 Orchard is flashy spacious Jersey shore club in the back, and tiny gritty rock/hipster bar in the front...but somehow it works. A rotating schedule of DJs spin word-less techno music (though not much dancing actually ensues...unless you start your own mini dance party), but the music is not so overbearing as to ruin the night for your more laid back friends. Drink prices are surprisingly reasonable, especially considering that they sometimes charge a small cover. 200 Orchard may be taking itself a little too seriously for being the new kid on the block, but they back it up with a fun time and some spontaneous tongue-in-cheek fist pumping which I am all about.
Rating: 3.5 stars

Patti Stanger gets sloppy seconds...again

Almost a year ago I wrote about Cara who was such a reality whore so desperate to find love that she went on not one but two reality dating shows, Mama's Boys and then Millionaire Matchmaker. Unfortunately, this week Patti Stanger once again got reality sloppy seconds in the form of "Loves It".





I couldn't shake the feeling that we had seen this girl before, and after much intense pondering I realized she was originally known as Nicole, the Minnie-Mouse voiced girl from Paris Hilton's My New BFF season 2. I gotta give this girl props, it shows true reality whoring to crash tapings for a second reality show after being eliminated from your first. Perseverance is a good thing, right?