Live Blogging: American Idol

So we meet again, American Idol. It's been soooooo long...

8:03pm - We're referring to the contestants as "artists"? HA!

8:04pm - Wtf kind of theme is "most popular downloads on itunes?" That can be basically anything! I hate when they give them basically a free pass with these loosey-goosey themes.

8:07pm - Thank you, Anoop, for an excellent carbon copy karaoke version of Usher. And what's with the shoulder chain? This one should evoke a lot of cliche phrases from the judges...

8:15pm - "Megan Joy" aka Megan COCKery is singing Bob Marley. Get yo lighters up, mon!

8:18pm - Bad hair, bad jewelry, bad singing. Pretty can no longer save this hoe even with the judges.

8:20pm - Although I do kinda want her necklace with the big gold glittery "M" medallion. Except even as I type that I realize how tacky it sounds.

8:28pm - As much as I want to love Danny Gokey singing Rascal Flatts, I'm so not feelin this. But everyone's still gonna vote for this ish anyway.

8:30pm - And the judges love it. Obvi.

8:33pm - Is Allison even playing that guitar? Or are we allowed props now on Idol? Plus you just shouldn't touch No Doubt. Sanjaya taught us that two years ago during the ponyhawk incident.

8:36pm - The judges hate Allison's hair and wardrobe. Her hair does pretty much look like a spikey reverse mullet porcupine thing. Tis the curse of trying to attempt No Doubt! Just don't peoples!

8:43pm - Scott is gonna try something different and "strip things down, make things intimate, just him and the piano" with some Billy Joel. And this is different than what he's been doing for the past two months because...?

8:45pm - And the bad spikey hair gods have also paid a visit to Scott. I'll refrain from the obvious joke. I mean, homeboy looks like Frankenstein.

8:47pm - I was underwhelmed but the judges love it. Guess Blind Guy still ain't goin anywhere.

8:53pm - Is anyone surprised that Ugly Justin is singing "The Fray"? Anyone? Bueller?

8:55pm - And he isn't even doing it justice. Why the screaming, UJ?

8:59pm - Holy pantyline, Lil Rounds! And singing Celine? Really? This ish is painful.

9:02pm - Ryan's back manages to walk in the judges shot. Priceless! Someone's getting fired at Fox tonight.

9:04pm - Aww, Ryan, don't bring the kids into this! And YOU out there, no sympathy votes just because Lil has adorable daughters!

9:09pm - Ohhhh so THAT's why we have this bullshit "most downloaded" theme, so we can do some more blatant product placement for itunes. I'm so disappointed in you, Idol, yet not entirely surprised.

9:11pm - Thankfully the bad hair gods did not strike the god of emo tonight. And he's giving an amazing performance with some amazing pelvic thrusting. That's what we like to see!

9:17pm - So I heard Idol was scheduled to be an hour and twenty minutes tonight. We're still currently in commercial and have one contestant, Paula's ramblings, and clips from the night to go. Good luck with that.

9:21pm - Decent job by Kris Allen, but he needs to tighten up the t-shirt. I don't think anyone is even listening to his vocals anymore, especially when he's showing a bit of man-cleavage.

9:23pm - Good God can Megan please be in the bottom 3 this week? This hoe will probably be there (hopefully) along with Allison and Matt "Ugly Justin" Giraud. If there's any justice left in the world, Megan will go home.