Live Blogging: American Idol

Before we begin, I'd just like to note that I saw last week's castoff, Jorge Nunez, doing interviews at my place of work today. Homeboy was staring wide-eyed like a kid in a candy store and is clearly just amazed to be in Amer-i-ca.

8:00pm - Damn Adam Lambert is looking fierrrrce tonight! *claps like an idoit*

8:01pm - Shamrock projections, Irish music, and green lights? No they are not...

8:04pm - Very few weeks make me more excited than country week. Except Broadway week. Unfortunately Simon put the stop on that one circa season 4. Let the HOE-down begin!

8:08pm - Wtf is this interesting mic squeeze and bromance with the harmonica player that Oil Man (Michael Sarver) has going on? He looks way too comfortable squeezing cylindrical objects.

8:10pm - Who dressed Kara in a silver latex Hefty bag? And 2002 called, they want their necklace back.

8:12pm - Oil Man is starting to look hot...I must really need to get some.

8:20pm - Allison Ira-whatever is good, thank goodness she ditched the Avril look tonight.

8:23pm - Randy Travis is more than a tad creepy. And has a mis-shapen head. Awkward winking at Kris "Please just take your shirt off" Allen.

8:25pm - Go ahead cameraman, keep showing that close up of Kris that shows his wedding-ringed hand. Remind us what we cannot have. *Swoon*

8:27pm - Simon likes it? Wtf? I thought I just liked Kris because I wanna bang it out. I didn't realize he was actually talented too. Score!

8:34pm - Lil Rounds: For not being into country, way to pick a song that's just about as country as you can get, "Independence Day" by Martina McBride. Good job with that one. This is going to be a hot mess.

8:36pm - ...and it is.

8:39pm - Simon messed up this bitch's name, calling her "Little". And he does NOT have to apologize for it!

8:41pm - The god of eyeliner, emo, tears, and self tanning is up next!!! And besides being fabulous, he's pretty good at music too.

8:46pm - Randy Travis is obvi not haps with Adam Lambert's middle-eastern version of "Ring of Fire".

8:47pm - Adam Lambert, stop seducing me with your eyes and soft melodic voice. I'm well aware that I have no chance of getting with this.

8:58pm - Excuse my un-PC-ness, but why is the blind guy still here?

9:02pm - Randy and others, you haven't seen "those hot crazy unbelievable" vocals from Scott because he doesn't have them! You let him through this far just because he's blind!!! (Omg every discrimination organization can just come and arrest me right now, I probably deserve it.)

9:10pm - Remember in the first round of auditions when Alexis Grace was mad boring and kinda white trash-ish, and the judges told her to come back with some sass/personality? Think she just put a pink streak in her hair, did a smokey eye, and sat back saying "I'm edgy now, right?"

9:19pm - Please tell me Danny Gokey is not going to attempt to sing Carrie Underwood. This makes me sad for him and for Carrie. And why is he wearing a winter coat indoors...in LA?

9:23pm - Yet the judges like it. Conspiracy! Paula's probably sleeping with him...and if she's not, she should certainly try. And thank you, Simon, for calling him out on the jacket.

9:32pm - What is it with Anoop-Dog and hoodies? I thought they had stylists up in this ish? At least he's rocking some manly argyle this time around and not gym class worthy bright blue.

9:36pm - And apparently Anoop-Dog is back in the HOUSE! I think that's left to be seen.

9:42pm - Megan Joy Corkery (who like most Megans on reality tv, brings disgrace to the name) certainly likes to dress for the occasion. Last week she dressed like a slutty robin and this week she dressed like an old-west prostitute.

9:44pm - But the bitch is hot and can kinda sing.

9:45pm - Coughing for votes?

9:52pm - Oh great, Matt Giraud aka Ugly-Justin is giving us another wonderful rendition of a Carrie Underwood song. Do you think they forced a minimum number of people to lay homage to our former Idol?

9:54pm - Ehhh, it actually wasn't so bad.

9:56pm - "Matt Buble". Haha funny joke, Ryan.

9:59pm - Annnnnd I get ready to dial 866-idols-05 for the God of Egyptian Eyeliner Fabulousness. Bottom 3 prediction: Blind Guy, "Little" Rounds, and Megan Joy. Going home: With no affirmative action figured in, Blind Guy. See you next Tuesday bitches! (And don't hate on me for calling it like it is!)