I keep wanting to call it Gryffindor, but that would be nerdy and bad

Griffin
Meatpacking District
50 Gansevoort Street (at Greenwich Street)
New York, NY 10014
212-255-6676

This club is a bit of a sleeper among the buzzed-about giants of the Meatpacking District, but despite the lack of hype it's really frickin awesome. The decor is classy and refreshing: huge crystal chandelier, velvet booths, and carved wood paneling with nary a laser in sight. It's pretty much what Mansion should have looked like based on the name. But stuffy Griffin is not, I learned as I drunkenly danced on the center platform while trying not to fall or show my Britney. Nor is the door policy unfairly strict, at midnight on a Friday we easily got in sans cover with a mixed-gender group. The crowd was good-looking but not intimidatingly so, and surprisingly the guys were probably better looking than the girls. Griffin's best feature by far was the music which consisted of poppy techno and one or two hip hop songs. Nothing cliche, nothing too mainstream or too out there, and great mixing. Perfect for my platform dancing. Shout out to Jeff, the dead sexy Bradley Cooper-lookalike bartender who custom mixed some dangerously good (but slightly expensive) drinks. Don't mind the $16 price though, for a club like this Griffin's drinks are larger and much stronger than average so you'll probably only need 2. Be safe now, kids.
Rating: 4.5 stars

Just another pretty face

The Cabanas at the Maritime Hotel
Meatpacking District
363 West 16th Street (at 9th Avenue)
New York, NY 10011
212-243-3888

If you manage to avoid the door and guest list drama and make it into The Cabanas, expect to be initially seduced by the beautiful open-air atmosphere. And then like most seductions, be prepared to be let down as you continue to explore beneath the surface. The "roof-top bar" title that The Cabanas carries is only partially true, the hotel towers still surround the bar area on every side. And don't expect any actual cabanas, but rather a 3/4 roof-esque cover. The clientele at The "Cabanas" think they're too cool for school and refuse to socialize, when in reality most of them are just glorified B&T in skanky metallic dresses. The drink prices are high which is to be expected, but they don't even seem to carry any selections in the moderately priced range (a $22 glass of Veuve is their cheapest and I think only champagne option...what ever happened to good ole Prosecco?). Don't even get me started on the bathroom lines. In a 5000+ square foot bar, I would think one could expect more than two stalls in the women's room. They don't let massive crowds in so I suppose claustrophobia isn't an issue, but with mediocre music and lame people The Cabanas is simply another pretty face with no personality or life once you get to know it.
Rating: 2 stars

Bounce Deuce
East Village
102 2nd Avenue (at 6th Street)
New York, NY 10003
212-533-6700
www.bounceny.com

This sister bar to the original Upper East Side sports bar is actually…quite fun! For dudes, the waitresses are bleach blonde and scantily clad and the big game(s) of the moment are projected on a bajillion flat screens. For us gals, the men are plentiful, hot, and I must admit I had so much hitting the button and pouring my own beer from tableside beer bongs. Yes, I’m easily amused. For a sports bar, this place actually played decent music and kept it classy enough for a girlie broad like myself. And did I mention that Bounce Deuce is crawling with hot men?
Rating: 3.5 stars


The Sunburnt Cow
East Village
137 Avenue C (b/w 8th and 9th Streets)
New York, NY 10009
212-529-0005
www.thesunburntcow.com

So this place is Australian themed as they will (not so) subtly remind you 100 times throughout the night. Cute outback porch and stone atmosphere, but uncomfortably crowded. The bartenders are Aussie (surprise!) and would have been super sexy...if they weren’t complete douche bags. Allegedly they have a great brunch. Nightlife, not so much.
Rating: 2 stars


The Plumm
Meatpacking District
246 West 14th Street (b/w 7th and 8th Avenues)
New York, NY 10011
212-675-1567
www.theplumm.com

This place is owned by a bunch of celebs so it must be really fun and trendy, right? So wrong. Maybe Plumm was a BD (big deal) once upon a time 2 years ago, but it has since clearly gone downhill. If you have a “key” to this semi-private club you’ll get right in (though I saw one “member” still given hassle), but if not be prepared to wait…and then probably still pay cover. The “A-List” patrons at Plumm are quite skanky and actually…well…*whisper* B&T. And you’d think a place as uppity as Plumm would at least have a clean spot for a girl to make #1. Not so much. I’ve been to many a Pennsylvania county fair, yet never have I seen a bathroom so disgusting. Apparently $20 cover in New York no longer even gets you toilets with seats, or good music, or fun, or…anything for that matter. Damn, times are tough.
Rating: 1 star...barely